Mental Sword Fighting

Just 'Cuz Everyone Else Is Doing It

2006-02-10T20:17:00.000-05:00

Hey, if it's good enough for Ian and Doug, I guess I can fuck with this iTunes Survey thing that's been floating around the blogosphere.... Here goes nothin'.

How Many Songs: 2147 (Bear in mind that a lot of my CDs are not ripped to iTunes, due to my iPod's current lack of functionality and various computer problems, plus the fact that I often burn CD's and remove them from my computer-- in other words, that number is low. I'm a much, much, much bigger music dork than that number suggests....)

Sort by song

First Song: "$$$$," Desaparecidos

Last Song: "Zenophile," Mylo

Sort by artist

First artist: 10 Years (cringe....)

Last artist: Zero 7

Sort by time

Shortest Song: "Pagina Uno. Introduccion," Prefuse 73/The Books (0:07)

Longest Song: "Cop Shoot Cop," Spiritualized (17:13)

Sort by album

First album: 2001, Dr. Dre

Last album: You Forgot It In People, Broken Social Scene

Top Three Most Played Songs: (Note: I tend to listen to full albums in the car, while I tend to fixate on one specific song when I'm at home, and play it ad nauseum for about a week straight until I get sick of it)
1. "Thunderstruck," AC/DC (45-- god, thats a lot)
2. "Bleed From Within," The Music (23)
3. "Infra-Red," Placebo (20)

Song That First Comes Up On Shuffle: "All of My Thoughts," Spiritualized (weird....)

Search...

"Sex," How many songs come up?: 4
"Death," How many songs come up?: 21 (thank you, Death From Above 1979)
"Love," How many songs come up?: 63
"You," How many songs come up?: 252

See, wasn't that just barrels of fun? Didn't you learn so much about me?

Such Great Heights

2006-02-06T19:25:00.000-05:00

Being someone who relies primarily on Soulseek to hear most of the new music that passes through my ears, I often have a thought when downloading/listening to an advance copy of an album: Is this really the album? In that, have I just downloaded something which I will think for the rest of all time is truly the album, when in fact it's just a leaked teaser to throw off assholes like me? Can I truly be sure of what I'm hearing?

Granted, it's a fleeting thought, because quite frankly, who would do that? Who would release an entire dummy album that sounds enough like the band to deceive people into believing it is truly the album? I mean, Madonna releasing 30 second snippets and then laughing maniacally and cursing downloaders for the rest of the track(s)-- sure, I can see that. But the fear of a dummy album is largely unwarranted, and the thought quickly passes.

In a related note, at this point in my life, you would think I've learned not to overhype things in my mind before actually hearing them. I tend to do this often-- when I hear that a band I enjoy is releasing a new album, I get all giddy imagining the awesomeness that will soon explode in my eardrums. Inevitably, I am left disappointed as expectations are not met. Most recently, this happened with Kanye-- as I've written before, immediately upon hearing "Diamonds" I was ready to ink Late Registration onto my Top 10 list, only to be severely underwhelmed upon hearing the full album.

Recently, I was confronted with both of these abject thoughts upon hearing the new albums from two bands that I unabashedly adore and was/am extremely excited for-- Elan Vital by Pretty Girls Make Graves and Placebo's Meds. One is a case in which both of these thoughts crash headlong into themselves, while the other is one in which these thoughts are quickly abandoned.

First, Elan Vital. Now, I understand that certain albums are growers, ones in which you've got to invest a significant amount of time to discover the subtle nuances found within and allow the whole thing to sink into your brain. And maybe this is the case with Elan Vital, that I just have to live with this album and let it sink into me a little bit more, grow to appreciate what the first handful of listens have failed to illuminate to my addled little brain. However, my first reaction upon finally hearing this album, an album I had mentally pegged as likely to be one of 2006's finer works, was Is this it?

It's not that it's a bad album-- in fact, I could easily see, if I give it a chance, it growing into a work of art that I truly appreciate and enjoy. However, upon first hearing it, I was forced to wonder if I had in fact downloaded the album or rather some unfinished demos. I mean, the songs are alright, but they seem to be lacking that trademark PGMG burst of intensity and white hot heat, found on tracks like "All Medicated Geniuses" or "This Is Our Emergency." The only real song found here that truly harkens back to that same vein is album opener "The Nocturnal House," with it's whistle blowing rev-up will sure to be a delight in the live experience. "Wildcat" is another song that harkens back to older PGMG, although again, lacking in that certain brand of intensity.

However, the rest of the album abounds in good ideas-- it just seems as if they've remained unfinished, like the band was gonna add the finishing sheen to them, only to move on and say "Fuck it." It's not to say that songs such as "Pyrite Pedestal" or "The Number" aren't interesting or worthwhile ideas, for they are-- they just seem to be missing that traditional spark that made previous PGMG albums so interesting and fun. "Pictures of a Night Scene" exemplifies this idea perfectly: it spends two minutes slowly building the tension, making you believe that another "This is Our Emergency" type monster is coming. Hell, get past the odd jazz flourishes, and the last 30 seconds begin to push the tempo, and you figure the big pay off is coming-- only to have the song simply peter out abrubtly. And thats sort of how the album is as a whole-- you can see where they were going, and what they were trying to do, but it doesn't seem as if they quite get there, at least not nearly as well as they did on The New Romance.

As I wrote above, I am fairly certain there are things to be discovered within this album, and I would not be surprised if given time, this album winds up at least within sniffing distance of my Best of 2006. After all, it would be wrong of me to simply expect The New Romance Redux, and I'm certainly willing to give a band as talented and esteemed (at least by me) as Pretty Girls Make Graves every opportunity to prove me wrong. So do not be surprised to hear me change my tune about this album in a month or so- but as of right now, I can't help but once again be disappointed by my own minds overhyping and wonder if I did in fact download the true album.

This is not the case, however, with Placebo's Meds. In a review of their last album for the Kenyon Collegian, I wrote something like the Placebo blueprint was something to be studied and emulated by any young band stalking the Earth-- namely, that four albums in, they've continued to improve, each album better than the last. Well, with Meds, album number five, they continue to back up that point, as this is unquestionably their best work yet.

Whereas previous Placebo album showed frequent flashes of catchy rocking and witty brilliance, they were often balanced out by boring clunkers that necessitated the fast forward button. Sleeping With Ghosts came close to alleviating this problem, but still featured some songs which I could have done without ("Plasticine" and "Something Rotten" being two primary examples). With the exception of "Space Monkey," Meds is primarily an exercise in enjoyable rocking out for this humble fan.

One of the things that Placebo has always had going for it is its ability to craft balls out, catchy as hell anthems seemingly at will-- see "Every Me, Every You," "The Bitter End," "Second Sight," "Slave To The Wage," etc. So when I read that this album was designed to be a return to their live rock roots, I was excited, and that excitement is well founded-- this album is chock ful of anthems which are sure to incite frenzies in arenas all over the globe.

"Infra-Red" might be the catchiest yet most chiling stalker song since The Police's "I'll Be Watching You", with it's lyrical refrain of "Someone call the ambulance, there's gonna be an accident/ I'm coming up on infra-red, there is no running that can hide you, cause I can see in the dark." "Drag" is a typical catchy Placebo style love song, in that it manages to be heart warming yet slightly depressing/unnerving at the same time, if that makes sense. "Post Blue" and "One of A Kind" definitely rock out, while "Song To Say Goodbye," with its lurching guitar intro and kiss off of "You are one of God's mistakes, you crying, tragic waste of skin/ I'm well aware of how it aches, and you still won't let me in" closes the album in raucous fashion.

In addition to the anthems, every Placebo album has it's one epic, heart tugging ballad-- whether it's "Without You I'm Nothing" on the album of the same name, "Passive Aggressive" from Black Market Music or "Special Needs" from Sleeping With Ghosts, it's gotta be there. And the boys come up with what just might be the best of the bunch in "Follow the Cops Home," nearly five minutes of melancholy bliss. Hell, even the track with R.E.M's Michael Stipe (!) works out surprisingly well, with Stipe and lead vocalist Brian Molko harmonizing quite well.

Add it all up, and you've got one hell of an album, certainly the best of Placebo's career, and one that is bound to find it's way high atop my list of albums for the year 2006. Although my expectations for this album were high, the boys from England have managed to batter them and better them by miles, an amazing feat. And in a weird way, I almost wish this was a dummy album-- because if the album leaked to throw people off is this good, could you imagine how dope the real album would be?

Put A Couple Careers On Hold, You Could Be Next Kid

2006-01-19T19:12:00.000-05:00

Killa vs. Jigga. Holy fucking shit.

Now, I know I haven't been on my blog grind for a moment, but frankly, what was I gonna write about? The NFL playoffs? Frankly, I could give a fuck at this point-- I watch the games if there's nothing better to do, but I can't say that I'm really, truly invested in any meaningful way. New music? Dude, it's January 19th-- there haven't been any records worth getting all hot and bothered over released yet (Although next Tuesday we got Cat Power and Jenny Lewis -- indie hipster boys, reserve at least three hours of your day for the requisite swooning!).

But this? This is definitely good enough to bring me outta my cave. Like my man Douglas said, talk about making a morning, let alone a week. But since heads have already said much about this topic, I won't speak long (but gimme a hot second, and I'ma put you on), except to say: Thank God 50 Cent and Game are nowhere near this thing, because say what you want about "You Got To Love It," but it's miles ahead of "Piggy Bank" (Sheek Louch was right, that shit is garbage) and the novelty aspects of "300 Bars." And you don't need to check Jay's resume to know that dude straight brings it ("Takeover," pics of Prodigy in a dress at Summer Jam, etc.). Hey, anything that will get new Jay verses out there, I'm all for.

I will admit, however, that I don't exactly know who I'm rolling with here. My love for all things Hova as well as Cam is well documented, so I guess all I'll say is that I'm hoping for some hot records and no one to get shot (again-- "I seen... the diamond thrown up before the shots was fired" WHAT?).

And real quick, while I'm here: My man Chucky K should spend more time writing shit like this, rather than weak ass shit like this. Like Ian said, see what happens when you hang with the rapidly declining Bill Simmons?

Your Flight Leaves at 8, Her Flight Lands at 9, My Game Just Rewind

2006-01-09T23:04:00.000-05:00

So there I am this afternoon at work, sitting at my desk, suffering through the Joe Average Worker equivalent to chasing a vicodin with a 40 of King Cobra-- namely, shit that puts you to sleep with the quickness. Which is not to say that what I do what pays my rent, cable bill, and bar tabs is all that exciting to begin with, because it ain't. But this was seriously on some "You can't be serious.... you really askin' me to do this?" type shit. So I did what every other red blooded American does-- I surfed the damn internet. In addition to furthering my quest to read the entire Sexy Results! archives on the company dime (I'm up to May of '05), I caught up on my internet surfing, peeping the shit that I used to read all the time but have slacked off on lately as the ol' J-O-B has gotten a little more serious and all. And that's when I stumbled upon the genius that is Bethlehem Shoals for the umpteenth time, who dropped knowledge at the always inspiring Free Darko (cop the t-shirts, they're hot):

"But what I really want to do is what I do best: heap shame about the white man and back-handedly, somewhat imprecisely, praise those of the minority persuasion. One of my absolute least favorite things alive is white men, usually slightly older, talking sports to women who clearly don't need or want to hear it. At a crap Italian restaraunt back in H-Town, I nearly got up and punched some British guy who, when the conversation at his table turned casually to the geographic wonder that was the Rose Bowl, proceeded to bust loose with an amateur scouting report on Vince's pro prospects, the difference in defensive schemes, etc. Then last night, the man behind us had a running monologue going, presumably for the benefit of his wife/date, about the Princeton offense, Tampa Bay's defense, other garden variety ESPN.com information. Two rows back, the aforementioned LD impersonator would occasionally stop bellowing about defense (WORLD'S DUMBEST WIZARDS SEASON TICKETHOLDER. the Wizards are not built to play defense, just to score and get steals in transition/on the perimeter) to tell his daughter (??) about which Wizards were really valuable to a sound team game.

I am not a sailor or an adventurer, but something has become clear to me as I wash this earth with my scalding blood: if someone's not responding, they don't care. Either that, or you're talking way over their head. Granted, half of what people say out loud at a sporting event is to sound knowledgable around their oh-so informed peers in the bleachers. But if you are really, truly, talking about screens as a way of bonding with your female companion, it's not working. Keep in mind the model of the baseball game: at any given time, only about 70% of the spectators at a ballpark can apprectiate the nuances of the action, but that doesn't mean the others aren't having a good time. In fact, they're probably enjoying it on their own terms, with as much as they need to know, and find it intrusive to have someone browbeat them with technical wank. At the risk of pissing off our very limited female audience, usually a woman (or any non-fan, for you parents trying to force a burgeoning art fag to play catch) agreeing to go to a sporting event is itself a loveable concession. And if he/she is managing to enjoy the experience, its on her own terms, not through a cloudy, just-discovered lens of identical fandom that God calls upon you to polish. Otherwise, Sundays would not be a day of solitude, and playoff season would not be a unrelenting string of excuses and avoidances on my part."

Maybe it's just me, but I found this fucking brilliant and completely on point. Because if you're anything like me, you have one of those friends who thinks he knows everything about everything, even when they don't know what the fuck they're talking about. You know the type-- the kind of dude who tries to tell you that the Pixies didn't get their big break until Fight Club used "Where Is My Mind," completely ignorant of the fact that the Pixies broke up a full seven fucking years before the movie came out. The type of dude that spends a few hours playing Madden, sit downs to watch a football game with you, and all of a sudden thinks he's the defensive coordinator, babbling on and on about the intricacies of the 3-4 defense and the zone blitz and what have you, when all you're thinking is "God, please shut the fuck up and let me watch the game, ok Coach?" You know the type-- loud as a motor bike, but wouldn't bust a grape in a fruit fight....

Anywho, I fully recognize that when it comes to certain subjects-- most music, sports in general and baseball in particular-- I'm a full fledged dork. It's safe to say that if you know me personally (or hell, have read this blog), you've been subjected to a half cocked ramble about a band/musical style which your knowledge of is only tenuous at best. But hey, that's me-- you accept this as the price you pay for hanging out with someone as cool as myself. And if you can't-- hey, fuck you, I can't help it that I'm smarter than you and just trying to hip you to the new hotness.

That being said, I learned early on not to be that guy. Or maybe not early on, but I learned that shit. It was probably when the summer of '02 when I finally learned that shit. See, I had the genius idea of taking my new girl to Shea (a/k/a/ The Fucking Mecca) for a largely inconseuential game with my boys-- and I fucking scored the game! Respect to the lady, that didn't kill my game, but she did let me know that it was kind of on the dorky tip. And when you think about it, it makes sense-- if you're spending three hours with a program in your lap and pencil in your hand, wondering whether the left fielder or center fielder caught a can of corn in the sixth inning rather than "Do we need more beer?", the question of "Wonder if she's wearing the Vickie's lace panties today?" is something you ponder during the 7th inning stretch rather than something you ascertain with certainty a few hours later. Similiarly, if you spend an inordinate amount of time explaining just why it's called a "6-4-3 Double Play," the "You got condoms, right?" question is probably not in your future (unless you're me, cuz I ball like that).

And hell, maybe it was because it was my first summer being 21 and I hadn't spent enough time in NYC bars, so the idea of paying $7.50 a beer was an insult to humanity rather than simply paying the cost to be the boss, but I learned real quick. And it wasn't only the young lady who had to suffer through me scoring said game who schooled me, but rather the glazed over eyes of the compatriots of those that guy's that Shoals describes before it became clear to my fertile mind that "Yo, I don't wanna go out like that." So now, when I hit up the ball games, my concern is less with keeping score (cuz honestly, do I really need another program that I'll never look at it again and will only take up space in the passenger seat of my car until the end of time) and more with making sure the beer man is making his rounds with the quickness. And if my girl wants to ask a question, I'll induldge her in a suitable manner-- but I ain't tryin' to get into a ten minute discussion about the career history of the Expos #7 hitter, because she definitely doesn't care about that shit and frankly, I shouldn't either.

It just sorta brings it back to a few theories I have. Namely, that having a girl who likes the same music you do is cool, but not necessarily essential-- in fact, I'd argue that if she doesn't like the same music, thats a good thing. That way, you can hit her off with the inevitable mixtape filled with DJ Shadow and Massive Attack jawns and she'll think you're a musical genius for blowing her mind and introducing her to this shit (that is, if she's a good chick). In the same way, you don't need a chick to like sports, but rather to only to respect the fact that when OSU-Michigan is on, she either needs to find something else to do or get the fuck out of your way. But if you find that girl that digs sports-- and I'm not talking about those girls that front that they do, only because they're like "Derek Jeter is so hot!" or "I love Tom Brady's ass!," but actually know there shit-- that's even better. But if you can't find one of those rare breed, do yourself a favor and keep your inner Belichek inside, hard as it might be. Trust me-- it'll work out better for all involved. But the chick that not only says "Ok, I'll see you after the game" but says "Why don't I watch the game with you?" and doesn't just do it to humor you, but is actually interested-- that's the one you keep.

Do I have a point in this? Not really, other than that I have noticed this phenomenon just as Shoals has? Not really, other than to say that I have learned my lesson and, white skin or no, I will not be that guy, and that I found his observations funny. And I'll never be that guy again.

One Final Word On The Atrocity That Was The Panthers-Giants Game: All through the game, I was joking that when I went to the grocery store today, I'd find a picture of Plaxico Burress on my carton of milk, because dude was a missing person the entire game. I get home from work (surprisingly still awake), and what do I find in my mailbox? One of those "Avo asks Have You Seen Us?" postcards with missing children, and guess who's on it.... Jeremy fuckin' Shockey.

Yeah, I went there. In another few days, I'll be ready to accept the whole "We went 11-5 and won the NFC East, shit we weren't remotely supposed to do" argument. Not right now, though.

Playoffs!?!

2006-01-08T22:28:00.000-05:00

Yeah.... let's not even talk about the Giants game, ok (In the same way that we're not gonna talk about the fact that if the 'Noles could kick a fucking extra point, there'd be no such thing as the 3 OT instant classic that transpired Tuesday night. Similiarly-- how is it that such a top flight program as FSU can't recruit one single fucking good kicker, Janikowski excepted-- and I realize I'm stretching the definition of the word by calling Janikowski good, at least if you're talking as a human being)? By somewhere around halfway the third quarter, I could no longer muster the will to scream at the TV or even do anything other than shrug my shoulders and go "Damn." Seriously-- the "Tippy's Taco or New China Taste for Lunch?" and "Twelve Pack of Heineken or 40's of Hurricane?" questions were more pressing matters in my mind than Manning the Younger's rapidly escalating interception totals. I feel kinda like Jerry, in that I figured I'd be more angry, yet I'm left with just a general feeling of "Eh....whatever" about the whole thing.

As I said, by about 3:00 PM Eastern time, I was pretty much numb to anything that was taking place in East Rutherford, New Jersey, other than to wonder if it was even worth it to try and call my boy Rosie, or had he already thrown himself from the upper echelepons of Giants Stadium. So surprisingly, I found myself caring a lot more than I normally would have about Carson Palmer's ACL injury on his first playoff pass. Perhaps it's because, as has been well documented, I ride hard for my man Chad Johnson, and so Palmer comes as an accessory, the Robin to CHAD!'s Batman, but I've come to respect and enjoy Carson Palmer this year. I've enjoyed watching himascend to the top level of NFL QB's, in addition to enjoying the fact that at least he proves that winning the Heisman doesn't necessarily mean you have to suck in the NFL. And so, seeing him there, crumpled in pain, followed by the image of him being carted off the field-- my heart sank. And again, it may have been entirely related to the fact that the chances of Chad Johnson catching a bomb and doing some insane TD celebration markedly decrease with Kitna at the controls rather than the Golden Boy....

I dunno. Seeing as how I have absolutely no affiliations with the Cincinnati Bengals other than the fact that I spent four years of my life approximately three hours away from Cincy (Kenyon College in the house, bitches!), this probably shouldn't bother me as much as it does. And Palmer's knee shredding obviously wasn't nearly the most depressing thing to happen this weekend when talking about the gridiron (and while we're talking about depressing things in NFL playoff land -- Sheppard, you've GOT to catch that TD pass!)... but I hope he comes back in July, spitting fire and picking up where he left off-- namely, dropping feathery soft bombs into the arms of Chad's woofing grill and laser beams into the arms of TJ and Chris Henry. I'm probably buying a Chad Johnson jersey at some point this offseason, and I can't afford to have a little thing like Carson Palmer blowing out his ACL derail the Who Dey?'s ascension to "AFC team that I fucks with hardcore" status....

And oh yeah: Fuck the Carolina Panthers, and fuck the Washington Redskins. Go Bears, Go 'Hawks....

New Years Jumpoff

2006-01-02T20:53:00.000-05:00

Ok, so I probably should have posted this yesterday, but if you were expecting me to be able to write anything remotely resembling coherence yesterday... well, that's just silly. But anyway, heres my final kiss off to the year of 2005, and my first official embrace of the year two thousand and six. This is one of the rare personal posts that I run here, but this is just some shit that I've had on my mind and wanted to document, if only for posterity. Like anything else I write, I know I'm gonna realize something I forgot the moment I hit "publish," but whatever. Enjoy.

What I'm Thankful For From 2005:
- That I finally said "fuck it!" and stepped out of my comfort zone and moved away from the only house I've ever called home to journey five hours to the South to the relative unknown of Alexandria, VA with tons of friends in the back pocket yet no job and made it work. I may not be doing exactly what I planned, but nevertheless I manned up and tried to do something about my life, and it's been a thrilling experience for me. Maybe this means I'm growing up, at least a little bit. Matter of fact-- I've kinda dug this whole "fuck it, I'm up and movin'" dealy, and am thinking about becoming a professional nomad, hopping from place to place every two years or so. So if anyone wants to move to say, Cali somewhere around June, 2007, holla at the kid.
- All the new friends I made this past year who've helped me grow as a person and accepted me for who I am, and some old ones I reconnected with, sometimes in seemingly bizarre fashion. And as a corollary to that, fuck the friends that I've lost this year, because I'm all the stronger and wiser for it. Like Ed Norton says in 25th Hour, "Champagne for my real friends, and real pain for my sham friends." Those that rolled with me this year-- much respect. Those that didn't/couldn't/wouldn't-- your loss, no skin off my nose.
- All the great music that floated through each and every day of my life, most notably Bloc Party who were the soundtrack to my life for large swathes of the past year, but pretty much every record on my Top 20 and many other singles, mixtape cuts, and guilty pleasure songs besides.
- Sin City, without a doubt the most gangster movie to be released in the '05.
- That I finally started the blog that you are reading right now, after talking about it for at least a good year, and that people other than my friends and family actually read this thing (even if they are just looking for the lyrics to "Get 'Em Daddy" or googling things like the Suge Knight Biggie murder conspiracy.... I will try to bring even more heat in the coming year, and ya know, update more than once a week or something.
- The people that helped me survive the work day (i.e. those sites you see listed over there on the right) and anyone who linked to me this year or gave me a shout out, particularly if I only know you through the internet realm. Your dap means a lot to me, and I can only hope that one day I'll find someone stupid enough to pay me for this shit.
- That I managed to survive the year without succumbing to full blown insanity, general malaise/depression and/or alcoholism. I'm still standing, and I'd like to think I'm a more well rounded, stronger person now than I was twelve months ago.

What I'm Looking Forward To In The New Year:
- New friends, new places, new experiences-- essentially, more fun, period. And more hotness-- more hot females, more hot music (see next comment) and movies, more hot unexpected times.
- Tons of new music, including new discs from Cam'ron, Thursday, Deftones, Ghostface, Outkast, Pretty Girls Make Graves, and many others, probably any number of bands I haven't even heard of yet that are bound to rock my face off.
- Hopefully stepping at least a tiny bit closer to figuring out what I'm going to do with my life, seeing as how I will soon be entering my 25th year of existence on this Earth and I'd kinda like to have something of a better idea of what I do with the next 50 or so.
- Having constant flashbacks to the year 2000 throughout the months of April through October-- i.e., the New York Mets kicking ass and taking names. I'm trying not to get too hyped up about it so as to avoid crushing disappointment (This is the Mets we're talking about. I had similiar feelings fifteen years ago, when we signed Bobby "I'll show you the Bronx!" Bonilla, Vince "Playing with firecrackers is fun!" Coleman, and Bret "I'm better at throwing bleach than baseballs" Saberhagen, among others. It says alot when you can make noted sourpuss Eddie Murray look like a Nobel Prize winner...), but I've already started calling them the Queens Killing Machine, so to say that I have high hopes would be an understatement. I've already started putting aside money for the "World Series tickets on eBay" fund...
- Related: Johnny Damon hitting .250 as the Yankees are submarined by the rapidly rising Toronto Blue Jays in the AL East (I mean, I know that the Ryan and Burnett signings are dubious at best, but on paper you've got to seriously consider the Jays-- I mean, those two, plus Overbay and Glaus? You get nothing for winning the Hot Stove League, but if you did, J.P. Ricardi's trophy case would be a little more crowded right now...) Probably not gonna happen, but a man can dream....
- Less fucking drama, in all facets of life. That shit is just so meaningless (but unavoidable).
- And yeah, if I hit the gym and quit smoking, that'd be cool with me too.

The Return of the Felons

2005-12-29T21:03:00.000-05:00

Well, well, well.... it's good to see that tradition still means something to some people. Florida State Felons, indeed.

And all that stuff I've been saying the last few days to various people, trying to convince myself that this won't be an absolute Penn State riot? That, as the ACC Title game proved, when it wants to the 'Noles can still play a nasty game and be a bear for any opponent? That Penn State might be the beneficiary of just a tad bit of extra hype, due to cuddly ol' Joe Pa and the fact that they miraculously rose from the ashes after two crappy seasons? That this game will at least be close and somewhat contested?

Yeah, eff all that. I'm getting flashbacks to the 2003 Sugar Bowl. I hope I'm wrong-- after all, at least Chris Rix isn't around to sleep through any finals, so we got that goin' for us, which is nice....

Welcome To New York City

2005-12-23T23:11:00.000-05:00

If you wanna talk about the merits of the Johnny Damon to the Yankees signing, Simmons and Ian pretty much got it on lock.

No, what I'm more concerned about is the "new look" Johnny Damon, displayed in this photo and splashed across the back pages of the tabloids (back in the rotten apple for two days, holla!) today.

Seriously, dude looks like the guys I used to see when I had the misfortune of hanging around sketchy clubs like Exit and Sound Factory. You know the type-- the guido dude in the two sizes too small t-shirt, who's come back from the tanning salon, all 'roided up and oiled down. The dude that spends half his time staring at your girlfriend, and the other half dispensing with witticisms like " 'Ey, you! Yeah, you! C'mere!" to every passing female he lays his eyes on, hoping to catch the eye of some naive Long Island girl who's had one too many Apple martinis, to which he will soon roofie and defoul in some broom closet in the back of the club. Don't front, you know exactly the kind of dude I'm talking about. These guys exist outside of Manhattan, right?

And now that I think about it... given Damon's shall we say checkered history with the females (read his "autobiography"), that might not be too far from the truth. You know all those stories about Damon not fitting in to New York?

Hogwash. I think dude's gonna fit in just fine.

All Hail The Conquering Heroes

2005-12-22T21:25:00.000-05:00

And here, the suspense shall kill you no longer, we press on!

10. The New Pornographers, Twin Cinema
Man, there are hooks and melodies on this album for days and numerous moments of joy to be discovered on this, the Vancouver collective's third album. I'm not gonna sit here and try and compare Twin Cinema with any of their earlier records, because I haven't heard them, but based on the strength of this album, I most likely will be tracking them down in the not too distant future. I dig the jangly pop of "Twin Cinema," the emotion laden "The Bleeding Heart Show," and the back to back rockers of "Jessica, Dressed In Cobras" and "The Jessica Numbers"-- hell, I dig it all. Like alot of the albums on this list, this is a record I wouldn't have gone anywhere near two or three years ago and would have simply rejected out of hand--this year, it sits at #10 on my best of list. Does this mean that I'm simply getting old and mellowing out, or rather that my musical tastes are maturing (admittedly, it's not that hard to mature away from Pantera and Slayer-- there's really nowhere else to go but up, short of descending into death metal. But I digress....)?
9. New Order, Waiting For The Sirens Call
You can count the number of bands that have had the kind of long lasting impact that New Order have on one hand. I mean, think about it-- Movement was birthed into the world in 1981 (coincidentally, the same year as yours truly), and here they are, twenty-four years later, still putting out quality product (whether I'm doing the same is debateable). I know alot of old school New Order fans hated 2001's Get Ready, but it was my first real introduction to New Order (short of being the reference to "Hey, they're that band... the band that that awful Orgy band covered, right?"), and I loved it. Siren's Call is more of the same-- every song on the album bumps in that perfect marriage of driving rock merged with twisting electronica that New Order have done so well, even before the assinine term "electronica" ever existed. If you just excuse the awful title, "Guilt Is A Useless Emotion" is probably one of my favorite songs of the year (and probably should have found a spot somewhere on my 2005 mixtape). But like I said, the whole album bumps, and any band that has been around for longer than I've been alive (when you throw in the fact that New Order arouse out of the ashes of Joy Division) and still makes interesting, relevant music gets serious props in my book.
8. Ladytron, The Witching Hour
New Order provides an apt segue for Ladytron, because at least indirectly this band had to have been influenced by them, judging from the way they merge electronica with rock elements. But whereas New Order often times lean more on rock guitars, Ladytron lean far more to the electronic elements of the mix, and whereas New Order make light, airy, and upbeat songs, 'Tron gravitate towards a darker, brooding sort of sonic hodgepodge. I've already sung the praises of "Destroy Everything You Touch," but the haunting "Beauty #2" also got a lot of burn as well. This album may take a few spins to sink in, but if you give it a chance, it will reward you in spades.
7. Sufjan Stevens, Illinois
Everyone and their mom is throwing Sufjan props, and with good reason. Anyone who has enough ambition (audacity?) to declare that they are gonna write a concept album about all 50 states obviously has some major cajones. Anyone who turns in an album as ambitious as this one... well, they've got some serious talent to burn. Throw in the fact that Sufjan is able to write beautiful, dazzling songs about such horrific subjects as infamous serial killer John Wayne Gacy...well, that's quite an achievement, my friend. Hell, even NPR jumped on the bandwagon earlier this year-- and you know what that means kids! That's right, all you hipsters, this Christmas, you AND your parents can BOTH rock out to Illinois !
6. Slug and Murs, Felt 2: A Tribute to Lisa Bonet / Atmosphere, You Can't Imagine How Much Fun We're Having
Anyone that knows me (or has spent some time reading this blog) knows how much I dig Slug and Atmosphere. In a pinch, I'd probably throw God Loves Ugly up on my list of Top 25 Hip Hop albums, if that's any indication. Atmosphere's charm is a two-pronged attack: first, you've got the consistently boomin' production from Ant (who, for example, was doing the whole chop up and slow down old soul records thing that Kanye has turned into multi millions back when young 'Ye was still trying to dress like Ma$e and "couldn't even afford a 4-track recorder"), joined together with the verbal gymnastics of one Sean Daley, a/k/a/ Slug. What I've always loved about Slug is that he comes off as a far less insane and far nerdier version of Eminem (and one who has yet to completely fall the fuck off)-- a battle MC who could lyrically sever your head with punchline after punchline, while at the same time possessing the ability to turn around and spin a dense, emotion packed story on the very next track. And this year, instead of giving each side of his personality equal play on one LP, he dropped two-- he brought Living Legend Murs along for the battle MC'ing and witty wordplay of Felt 2, and then followed that up with the emotional bombast of Fun (and even debuted a much talked about mohawk!). One gives you heat rocks like "Gangster Ass Anthony," the other drops the ponderous thoughts of "Little Man" and the horrific story of "That Night"-- and they're both dope as fuck.
5. Sleater-Kinney, The Woods
Ya know, back when I was in high school, I went through this phase for about a year when I thought that Sleater-Kinney were just about the best band I'd ever heard. The grooves and melodies that these three lovely ladies from the Pacific Northwest concocted just sounded right to me-- perhaps it had something to do with the fact that all of my friends were into pop punk bands like Pennywise and NOFX, and I thought I'd discovered the next level-- the more intellectual, the more respectable-- of punk rock. I don't know, but as I went off to college, my interest in SK gradually waned. And then I heard the thunderous, classic rock influenced grooves of The Woods... and oh man, I feel in love with Sleater-Kinney all over again. Simply put: A damn fine, down and dirty rock record.
4. Broken Social Scene, Broken Social Scene
Much like the New Pornographers, I hadn't listened to this band until this year, but man, am I happy that I did. There are few bands that I've heard that are this inventive, this bizarre, and hell, this compelling. They rock, they groove, they do it all-- again, this is yet another album that rewards repeat listens, so as to discover the nuances found in songs such as "Hotel," which has a beat which faintly reminds me of the most bizarre remix of Usher (the title of the song escapes me right now, because Usher fucking sucks) I've ever heard. And you can't help but laugh at some of the song titles-- I fucking dare you to put "Handjobs for the Holidays" on an Xmas mix CD.
3. Rogue Wave, Descended Like Vultures
This is what indie rock should sound like, to my ears: Soaring guitar, heartfelt lyrics wrapped up in deft melodies and memorable hooks, and a groove that won't quit. I couldn't stop playing the epic "Publish My Love" (yet another crap title from the New Order school of songwriting, but we'll forgive that), rocking "Love's Lost Guarantee" (Uhm, do I see a lyrical theme developing here?), or the insanely, memorably catchy "You." Hell, I couldn't get enough of the whole damn album, period (obviously, or it wouldn't be #3, now would it?).
2. Cat Power, The Greatest
Were I Pitchfork, I'd happily throw 2004's best album (Purple Haze) here and not think twice about it. However, I recognize that, even though it came out in December, it was still December, 2004.... so I went and grabbed an album that doesn't even drop until January, 2006! But hell, since the promos have been floating around since before Thanksgiving (and I've been bumping it constantly since then), not to mention the fact that this album is too good to be denied, I had to put it up here. This enthralling mix of old soul, funk, and blues just cannot be denied-- I've offered to burn copies for everyone from indie rock heads to friends who pretty much only listen to Jack Johnson and Ben Harper exclusively to even my dad, who gets his freak on to classical and the odd day long wade into country radio (like the Clipse would say, "Echk!") when he's feeling frisky-- this album is just that versatile. Hell, I might even have to throw it on next year's list too, for good measure-- this is the album that Fiona Apple should have made.
1. Bloc Party, Silent Alarm
Seriously, I think I've probably said all I need to say about this album and this band already.

However, I will just say that, after the atrocity that was the DFA 1979 remix album, Romance, Bloody Romance (4 seperate remixes of "Romantic Nights" and "Black History Month" each? I mean, what the fuck? Sure, the Dahlback remix of "Romantic Nights" bangs, in the words of old school Mobb Deep, like "100 and 0," but did we really need three more? Nevermind...), I'd say that Silent Alarm Remixed looks damn good in comparison, wouldn't you agree? I sincerely believe that it does a wonderful job of recontextualizing and adding a fresh spin on what was already a truly fantastic stand alone album.

Anywho, I pretty much knew back in March that Silent Alarm was gonna wind up my favorite album of 2005, and nothing came even remotely close to unseating it the rest of the year. I can only hope that they improve on it with the follow up, and that the dreaded second album curse doesn't strike down a tremendous band who sounds as if they are only starting to hit their stride.

I'd love to hear your comments on the whole list, and enjoy the holidays y'all.

What You've All Been Waiting For....

2005-12-21T21:45:00.000-05:00

OK, so today brings us to what you've all been waiting with bated breath for, and probably the reason why I do this blog in the first place: the unveiling of my Top 20 albums of the Year list (and to think, back when I wrote for The Collegian all I did was a Top 10.... such a slacker was I in college). But first, I've gotta get a few things off of my chest...

-- If you at all care about The Chapelle Show and are somewhat curious/pissed off about the disappearance of Season 3, you must read this (hat tip to Joey for first pointing me in this direction). Now, I'm not saying that I necessarily believe it... in fact, it strikes me as something akin to a far fetched conspiracy theory, but it is interesting to think about/discuss. I read this off and on for most of the afternoon yesterday at work, and drove home all fired up to write about this and take shots at Farrakhan, Cosby, Oprah, Sharpton, et al. but I seriously questioned how much worth was really in it, given that there are a lot of things that are head scratching, at best. Like I said, it's something akin to a crackpot conspiracy theory, but it's at least an interesting thing to discuss over a few beers.

-- If you all have not been checkin' for what my man Douglas has been puttin' down, y'all have been missing out. First, last week he dropped this little fun game on all y'all:

"and here's a thing to do, it sorta worked me for yesterday. first, get a copy of the economist or print an article from their website and take along with you when you're going to go some thing or place that'll be boring, like real boring. and just play the game, is what i'm doing or the presentation i'm listening is it more boring than reading about european farming tariffs. if what you're doing is boring enough that ou decide to spice it up with an article about euros and the eating habbits of french people, then you've reached rock bottom, like heroin addiction rock bottom, like crack cocaine bottom. "

(And yeah, I think that's funny in part because my roommate subscribes to The Economist and treats it as near Gospel, whereas most of the time I glance at the cover when it's sitting on our dining room table and think something along the lines of "Remind me why I give a fuck?" Maybe, as much as I'd like to think so, I'm just not highbrow enough.)

Then, yesterday, he dropped this lil' gem: "the legal system works, if you're some goofy guy wearing a bloc party t-shirt to court, if you're dressed nicely, then you're shit out of luck." I find this absolutely hiliarious, seeing as how pretty much every job I've ever had has been in the legal field, and my entire family is lawyers. And that's a pretty fucking funny comment on our legal system (especially one in which John Roberts and Alberto Gonzalez rule the roost), circa 2005.

Basically, if you're not checking Doug's site on a daily basis, I don't know what to tell you at this point. It's fucking hot fire.

Anywho, enough with the dicklicking and butt kissing, let's get on to why you are really here. Originally, I was gonna try and post a lil' introduction piece about some nonsense like "The Top5 Lyrical Moments of 2005," but I realized that was a far too hokey way to simply shout out lyrics I found witty (read: turned into AIM away messages) and posit how Cam's line on Juelz's "Murda Murda" ("Get it together now, now you my papes right/ Come thru late night, I know what it taste like/ Some good coke dog, go get your face piped/ Put on my Laker jersey and then go rape white (No. 8)") might be the most offensive and savage diss I've heard in a long while (and probably my favorite line of the year, KB8 being the star of my underachieving fantasy team notwithstanding). And I was gonna try and pontificate on how System's "Why don't you ask the kids at Tiannamen Square-- was fashion the reason why they were there?" line was a line that, in addition to being one of the few SOAD lyrics that makes any kind of sense, made me think far too much than it should and force me to go off into a half cocked quasi-intellectual ramble... but fuck all that.

So instead, let's talk about two or three notable omissions from this list and why they're not there, shall we?

Kanye West, Late Registration
Ok, I realize that Kanye made one of the better hip hop debuts in a while with Dropout (even though I wasn't on his dick nearly as hard as some that I know, even then), and I give him his props for putting W on blast with that whole "George Bush doesn't care about black people" deal... but c'mon. I'll be the first to admit that when I first heard the thunderous beats of "Diamonds," I allowed my hype to pretty much pencil in Registration into my Top 10 list....but c'mon, this is a classic album? Really? Give me "Touch The Sky" (will Lupe Fiasco blow up next year?), "Drive Slow," "Diamonds," and "Gone," and then you can pretty much keep the rest. That's a classic maxi-single, dogs, not a classic album. If anything, this was the biggest disappointment of '05, not one of it's crowning achievements.

Fiona Apple, Extraordinary Machine
Much like Kanye, lots of heads are championing this album. I guess part of it has to do with the whole "Free Fiona, Sony fucked her!"/"Oh wait, no they didn't..." controversy, and the switching from Jon Brion to Mike Elizondo as producers (people seem to love the Brion version), but I don't really see it. When I think of Fiona Apple, I don't think of the scarily seemingly anorexic chanteuse prancing around in the "Criminal" video, but I do think of the scarily seemingly anorexic chanteuse who concocted heartbreakingly emotional tour de forces such as "Shadowboxer" and "Never Is A Promise," seemingly on a whim. And that kind of emotion, that degree of passion, seems to be lacking from Extraordinary Machine, despite all it's hype to the contrary (for that, go listen to Cat Power). I agree with Ian on this one.

Common, Be
Much like Kanye, I think people over hyped this album, seemingly simply because it wasn't the usual G-Unit party-bitches-guns-coke rap album. And believe me, I'm more than happy that Common got his head out of Erykah Badu's genitalia and returned from planet hippie to make actual hip hop music, but please, let's not go overboard here. Sure, "The Corner" was a blistering single and certainly a welcome return to the fold (after the Jigga shout and the guest verse on "Get 'Em High," even if he seems to completely disregard the beat), and even as someone who adores Cam'ron and the Clipse I can appreciate the consciousness that artists like Common bring to the table, but it's not like dude went and re-made Resurrection here. This was one of those albums where I played it a few times when it first dropped, noted it's merits, didn't play it again, then sat around sort of stunned when everyone and there mom started waving the Common banner loud and proud.

Anywho, before we begin to dissect the records that actually, ya know, made it onto my Top 20, I'd just like to make a note here: This was the first year where I actually kept a word document on my computer all year, where I'd constantly jot down albums that I thought might actually be worthy of "Best Of" status. So, the likelihood that I missed something (in my own opinion, anyway), is lessened. Unfortunately, I picked a year which lacked a ton of truly compelling, knock you on your ass records, so that after #1 or 2, there's alot of solid, good records, rather than great ones. As such, the order of this list could probably easily be switched around, and I could probably switch a couple of records on the back end with records that didn't make it, and it wouldn't change much in my opinion. Just needed to get that out of there. Enough blather, here's the list (finally).

20. The Game, The Documentary
While this was a solid record which basically resuciated West Coast hip hop as a viable commercial vehicle and packed some absolutely titanic beats ("Westside Story," "Higher," "Put You On The Game"), this record deserves its place almost as much for what it represents as for what it does musically. Namely, this is the record that signals the end of the G-Unit onslaught which overran hip hop music for the past two years. In a year which saw G-Unit fail amazingly, both in your stereo (The Massacre, Thoughts of A Predicate Felon) and in your local cinema (Get Rich or Die Tryin'), is it any wonder that the one dude who put out a worthwhile record got kicked out of the camp (subsequently revealing to the world just what a petulant bitch 50 is in the process)?
19. Dangerdoom, The Mask & The Mask
It's amazing what can happen when you combine ace head nodding production (Dangermouse) with dense, creative rhymes from one of the undergrounds favorite sons (M.F Doom). Throw in an assist from Adult Swim, and you've got a compelling, intensely enjoyable album. Forget 50, how about the story of Dangermouse as a movie? Little known hip hop beat digging nerd spends days and nights in his bedroom crafting a surprisingly inventive mashup of Jay-Z and the Beatles, said album gets downloaded by seemingly the entire globe, then dude parlays subsequent notoriety into high profile production gigs for M.F. Doom, Gorillaz, and soon to come, Gnarls Barkley. Rabid success ensues and money ensues, no one gets shot. On second thought.... that's probably a pretty boring movie. But this album bumps, and is anything but boring.
18. Royksopp, The Understanding
I'm probably the only blogger that has this album anywhere near his Top 20 list, but whatever... that's why I'm me, and you're you. Nevertheless, I dig this album, from the chilled, understated opener of "Triumphant" (odd, in that you would expect a track with the name of "Triumphant" to be a bold, balls to the wall statement, from an album opener no less), flowing through the bouncy grooves of "Only This Moment" and "Follow My Ruin," to the bumping beat and catchy hook of "What Else Is There?" I'm unashamed to admit that I like techno (more than most, probably), but nevertheless, if you give it a chance, there are plenty of moments to savor on this album.
17. Maximo Park, A Certain Trigger
I like to think of them as the British equivalent to Interpol, and in a year in which Interpol didn't release an album, that's good enough to garner a spot on my list. Actually, these guys use catchy hooks and captivating guitars enough to distance them from the rest of the whole "Nu New Wave" movement which has spawned in the wake of the success of The Strokes, Interpol, Bloc Party, et al for my taste. They're equally adept at writing well crafted rockers ("Graffiti") as they are at writing haunting ballads ("Acrobat," championed on my 2005 Mixtape), all the while crafting more pop hooks than you can shake a stick at into each and every song. I still don't know how the hell they wound up on Warp, though.
16. Edan, Beauty & The Beat
For some reason, in some circles it has become cliche to hate on this album, and for the life of me I can't figure out why. Me, I dig the blend of turntable wizardry with old school inspired production and rhymes. Pulling samples from all over the place, Beauty & The Beat sounds exactly like a more mainstream DJ Shadow or a far nerdier (and less rock obsessed) Z-Trip would concoct, given the right mindstate.
15. Z-Trip, Shifting Gears
Speaking of Z-Trip..... if you've got friends that swear up and down that they don't like hip hop, this is the album to throw on the stereo when in their presence. This disc is jam packed with party rockin' beats and rhymes which are virtually guaranteed to get even the staunchiest wall flower tapping their feet and moving their ass. At the very least, they'll get a chuckle out of the cartoon inspired silliness that is "Breakfast Club." But that's not to say their aren't gems to be discovered in the album's latter half for those that have already been converted to hip hop (and at this point, who hasn't?), such as the surprisingly funky break up lament "Everything Changes," the thunderous Chuck D guest shot "Shock And Awe," and the DJ Shadow-lite workout found on "Revolution (STR Parts 1 + 2)." The only true misstep on this album is the Chester Bennington (Linkin Park) collabo, "Walking Dead," which sounds like a long lost Exciter-era Depeche Mode b-side (and not in a good way).
14. Ivy, In The Clear
The best pure pop album I heard all year. Each and every one of the 10 tracks featured on this album feature sugary hooks and gorgeous melodies, all perfectly executed and layered with icy cool female vocals. Your girlfriend would probably love this album, if only she knew who the fuck Ivy were.
13. System of a Down, Mesmerize
Although Hypnotize was something of a disappointment, that fact only stands to further enhance the value of this, the first slab of the double disc effort. Whether it's the breakneck riffing and off-kilter melodies of "B.Y.O.B. (Bring Your Own Bombs)"-- one of the better singles of '05, certainly in the hard rock arena-- to the Slayer-on-steroids bombast of "This Cocaine Makes Me Feel Like I'm On This Song" and "Sad Statue" straight on through to the New Wave inspired "Old School Hollywood," this album packs enough fist pumping adrenaline into a scant 38 minutes to last all year.
12. M83, Before The Dawn Heals Us
I'll be honest: At times, this can be a difficult fucking album to listen to, as it careens back and forth from seemingly drug induced upbeat ecstasy with bizarre, screeching horror. Splice in odd vocal samples and beats that stop and start seemingly on a whim, and you've got quite a bizarre little disc on your hands. Clearly, Frenchman Anthony Gonzalez was intending to craft something epic, something memorable here-- and by and large, he succeeds. While nothing here matches the beauty of Dead Cities, Red Seas & Lost Ghosts' "Run Into Flowers," the thunderous, haunting "Don't Save Us From The Flames" is worth the price of admission alone.
11. M.I.A., Arular
The blogosphere giveth, and the blogosphere taketh away. At the start of the year, you couldn't find a blogger worth his/her salt who didn't have at least something to say about the latest product of the hype machine/cause celebre, M.I.A., largely on the back of her Piracy Funds Terrorism mixtape with Diplo, her convuluted life story (Sri Lankan by way of London) and her confusing politics. And if this were March, I'd no doubt have this album a hell of a lot higher than I do. But as with anything that gets too hyped, the inevitable backlash has arisen. And while there are enough interesting sonic moments on this album to warrant inclusion on this list-- primarily "Pull Up The People," "Amazon," and "Sunshowers"-- it is not the classic many predicted. Nevertheless, it is an interesting part of the 2005 musical landscape, not only because it points towards new sonic directions, but also because it illuminates the shift in how music is marketed and sold-- the rapid shift away from long held vehicles such as commercial radio and MTV towards more de-centralized things such as mp3 blogs and message boards. It still trips me out whenever I see/hear "Galang" in a commercial for Honda.

Because this post has become tremendously huge, I'm gonna hit you with the second half of this list tomorrow.
Always leave 'em wanting more....

The 2005 Award Show

2005-12-19T22:23:00.000-05:00

Alrighty, I meant to do this last week, but a rough week at the old J-0-B forced me to turn what was originally planned as a one week music year in review extravaganza to two. Hell, you don't mind waiting, do you? Of course not. So now, we' re gonna get into some awards.

However, this is not your typical award post, like "Best Album," "Best Video," "Hottest Male/Female Rocker," and all that nonsense. Oh no.... this is quite another brand of nonsense, kids! My brand of nonsense! You'll soon see what I mean, so without further ado, let's get it into it!

The Kelly Clarkson "Since U Been Gone" Award
Given to the song that, even though you know it's tacky and you shouldn't listen to it, you can't get it out of your head. Some might refer to this as the "Guilty Pleasure."
And the winner is.... Rihanna, with "Pon De Replay."
Hell, I'll fuckin' admit it-- this was the jam of the summer, and even a jaded, cynical son of a bitch such as myself couldn't deny it. The first time I heard it, I thought to myself "Hey, that's kinda catchy." Soon, as I was driving miles and miles of highway on my frequent trips between DC and NYC, I was flipping through the radio dial, hopping to hear that bumping beat so I could do something resembling a dance that I'm sure caused any passing motorist who happened to glance at me to question whether I'd recently been released from a mental institution. Don't front-- you wanted to put your hands up to the ceiling and let the bass from the speakers run through your sneakers too.
Honorable mention(s): Ashlee Simpson, "Boyfriend," (much like "Since U Been Gone," a pop-rock song from some strumpet that really shoulda been a lot worse than it was-- heard it once, was in my head for a week); All-American Rejects, "Dirty Little Secret," (hey, it's catchy, and the video was kinda nifty-- even if they did bite this site. Hell, Tom Breihan picked it as his 15th best single of the year, so it can't be all bad, right? Right?
Never mind. Let's all forget I ever wrote this paragraph, ok? Moving on...

The "I Got Soul, But I'm Not A Soldier" Award
Named for my favorite line by The Killers, this award goes to the band that I think, given the right help, might just blow the fuck up a la The Killers in '06.
And the winner is.... We Are Scientists
I wrote about this band (and how I think they can blow up) last week with my 2005 Mixtape, and I really believe that these guys could be "The Next Big Thing." If rock radio wasn't busy killing itself off or switching formats to rap/salsa/talk, "Nobody Move, Nobody Get Hurt" could become a monster single a la "Mr. Brightside," and "Textbook" and "Lousy Reputation" (trafficking in the topic of dating a known slut) have been getting some heavy rotation round my way lately.

The "I Don't Have to Sell Coke To Get Signed By Jay-Z? Really?" Award
The companion award to the "I Got Soul, But I'm Not A Soldier" award, given to the hip hopper that, if there's any justice in the world, will blow the fuck up in '06.
And the winner is.... Lady Sovereign
Much like We Are Scientists, I extolled the virtues of Lady Sov ("This is the new singalong, S-0-V!") last week with the mixtape, and I'm back to do it somemore. Sure, someone that raps "like a chipmunk on Robitusin" might not be the easiest sell on this side of the pond (hell, finding an audience for British MCs of any sound, size, or shape over here is hard-- see the examples of Roots Manuva and The Streets for two), but I'd imagine Jay-Z didn't sign her to lose money. And Jigga doesn't sign wack artists (Memphis Bleek excepted).

(And yes, the title of this award is a jab at Young Jeezy. He has to be the first rapper in history that gets more critical props for his ad-libs than for his actual lyrics. Way to go buddy-- you can chant "Yeeeah!" with authority. As a Clipse fan, I don't care that all your lyrics talk about pushing coke-- but at least make 'em witty, bro. I'm sorry, but I really don't get the whole Young Jeezy explosion that went on this year.)

The "This Should Be An Album" Award
Given to the best mixtape of the year, for even though it wasn't an official album, lord knows it should have been.
And the winner is.... (guess.... seriously... guess).... Clipse, We Got It 4 Cheap 2
I know. You're stunned. But seriously.... Pharrell needs to stop hanging with Gwen Stefani and do something to get these dudes on a real record label. Fuck Zomba is the mantra, indeed. No one hit harder, either on the mixtapes or on bonafide wax in '05 than the grand wizards of the almighty blizzard.
Honorable mention: The Diplomats, Memorial Day Mixtape

The "Are You Fucking Retarted?" Award
Kinda self explanatory here....
And the winner is... Tony Yayo, for his bizarre hands in front of the face wave thing he does in all his videos. Uhm.... T, are you fucking retarted? Snort too much of your namesake? Because seriously... what the fuck is that? And who told you that was a good look? You look like an epileptic on crack.

The "Ok, I Submit. You Win" Award
Given to a band that I had resisted for a long, long time, yet finally broke me down in '05.
And the winner is.... Franz Ferdinand.
For a long time, I hated Franz Ferdinand. I thought they were dumb, pretentious assholes. I couldn't get what everyone seemed to see in them-- I've had numerous people try and sing me the praises of Franz Ferdinand over the last couple of years, and I wasn't trying to hear it. That is, until they dropped "Do You Want To," a warm and fuzzy nugget of power-pop rock goodness, and I was forced to submit. I haven't heard anything else from the album, and frankly, I don't care to. All I need is this one song, hokey 19 second intro and all, and that's enough Franzia for me. But you win, Franz Ferdinand, ok? I no longer wish a bullet to pass through the back of your heads, in the vein of your Austrian historical namesake. I submit.

Ok, so that's pretty much all I got for right now. Feel free to add your own ideas in the comments section. My rundown of the best albums of the year (hopefully) coming later this week.

A! Yo...

2005-12-14T00:57:00.000-05:00

New Killa video is hot. Is it wrong of me to say that, even though I know it's gonna suck, I'm almost as excited for Killa Season the movie as I am for the album? I know that it's basically going to be on the same level as cinema classics like State Property and State Property 2, but yet I'm oddly attracted to it. Is it simply for fun escapism (much the same reason I like Cam's music)? Or am I developing some kind of mancrush on Cam'ron here?

Uhm, nevermind all that for right now. What's the deal with the verses on her? I understand that the Dips wanna push Hell Rell to the forefront (especially to follw up on the success that Juelz is having right now)--and this is the best way to do it, with the lead single from Killa Season and the song where Cam talks about his infamous night in DC--but this mix and match verse shit? I'm not feeling it. Either make it the original song, or make it the remix-- the real remix, with Cam's verse about the carjacking last up-- but don't slice it and dice just to make a video and push Rell as hard as possible. I don't know why, but that just bothers me-- strikes me the wrong way.

But whatever. If it helps Killa Season go gold and Rell sell 200 thou, I guess I'll deal with it. Just don't go all G-Unit on us in '06, Dipset (not a very auspicious start with the average at best What The Game's Been Missing!, I might add).

The 2005 Mixtape

2005-12-11T17:37:00.000-05:00

Ok, so unlike some folks, I didn't really feel like compiling my own list of the Top Singles of the year 2005. The idea of the single-- a song released to radio and video to sell records-- doesn't really appeal to me, as I'd rather listen to album cuts most of the time. So, instead, I've decided to do a mixtape for the music of '05, which puts together the songs that I think were dope over the past year. Understand, this is not necessarily a list of the best songs released, just ones I liked and ones that would make an interesting mixtape. I've also tried to highlight some good songs that were buried on terrible albums (Garbage, I'm looking at you) as well as selections from mixtapes and EPs and what not. The sequence was made with an eye towards creating a decent mix to listen to, so the order of the tracks is not meant to be a ranking.

Anyway, on to the mixtape! (Note: All of the following tracks will actually fit on a garden variety 80 minute CD, so head to your favorite downloading outlet and make one for yourself. Or, if you're nice, maybe I'll even make you a copy...)

1. System of a Down - Old School Hollywood
As any mixtape veteran knows (or anyone thats seen/read High Fidelity), a good mixtape has to bring the thunder with the first track-- something thats gonna get the blood flowing, be the kickoff for the musical madness thats about to come. Well, in 2005, you couldn't ask for a better lead in track than this, because it not only gets things started with just the right brand of intensity, it kicks down the doors and forces its way in. The air raid siren intro, the vocoder enhanced vocals, the thunderous drums-- this track just absolutely kicks your head in.

2. We Are Scientists - Nobody Move, Nobody Get Hurt
While nothing is gonna match the intensity level of SOAD, this track certainly packs enough punch. The guitars chug and the drums dance, creating a foot stomping rocker that drives me nearly mental when I play it in the car. It's almost impossible to get the refrain of "My body is your body, I won't tell anybody/ If you want to use my body, go for it" out of your head though, I warn you. Hat tip to Kyle for first poining me in the direction of these NYC rockers.

3. M.I.A. - Pull Up The People
My favorite song from one of the blogosphere's most championed/debated/hated artists of '05. Something about the stylish way she endlessly repeats her name during the intro and the hot beat that just pulls me in. I don't know much about her politics except for the fact that her father is/was a Tamil Tiger, and I don't particularly know if M.I.A. is truly a "soldier on a roll," but as long as she keeps making jams like this, we won't have any problems.

4. Lady Sovereign - Random
Had to continue the multicultural flavor that M.I.A. started with everyone's favorite pint sized 16 year old British fire starter. From the somewhat bizarre lyrics (much in the vein of fellow Brit The Streets) to the bouncy beat to the tossing in of the Freddy Kreuger chant midway through the song-- this song brings the funk by the ton. With the marketing muscle of Jay-Z and Def Jam behind her, she should be big in '06 (more on that tomorrow).

5. Cam'ron feat. Hell Rell - Get 'Em Daddy (Eye of the Beholder)
The cocky confidence just slides all over this track, so much so that you can almost feel the swagger of Cam and Rell seeping through your speakers. This is probably my single favorite rap song of the year, from Cam'rons boasting on the intro ("They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Thats why I look in the mirror every morning and realize how fly I am. They wanna know what fucking label I'm signing to? I'm the CEO of Diplomat Records, I sng myself-- Get your cake up!") to the call and response "Get 'Em Daddy!" "Daddy Got 'Em!" chorus, I just fucking love this song. In a year when the Diplomats as a whole had a lot of moments in the sun, this track stands as the pinnacle of Dipset output for the year. The remix bumps too.

6. Ladytron - Destroy Everything You Touch
Brooding yet bouncy, this track is a delicious slice of dark electro-pop from Witching Hour. one of the years better albums. I played this song about five times in a row the frist time I heard it, and it definitely makes the morning drive to work a little more lively. Shout to my man Douglas for first tipping me off to this awesome little jam.

7. Secret Machines - Better Bring Your Friends
Another foot stomping rocker from a band that is rapidly becoming one of my favorites. The Road Leads Where It's Led, the EP from which this song comes, was one of my favorites of the year, what with the covers of Van Morrison and Bob Dylan, among others. I'm definitely hoping for a new album from them in 2006.

8. Audioslave - Yesterday to Tomorrow
Simply put: With about a minute and a half to go in the song, Tom Morello absolutely kills it. Best guitar solo of 2005 (for those of you that care about such things).

9. The Clipse feat. Ab-Liva and Sandman - Zen
The song, first heard on the Anger Management 3 mixtape, only hinted at what We Got It For Cheap 2 confirmed: Holy fuck, the Clipse are back. And they're not the same wack dudes who hide behind the Neptunes beats (back when the Neptunes absolutely owned the production game), they're a holy terror. And the beat? Fuck Gwen Stefani, this shit is B-A-N-A-N-A-S.

10. Kanye West feat. Jay-Z - Diamonds Are Forever (Remix)
Ok, so I'm a bigger fan of this song than some others, maybe. But I was disappointed that Late Registration didn't feature more bangers like this one, and Jigga's verse? My Lord. "Difficult takes a day, impossible takes a week," indeed.

11. Z-Trip feat. Chuck D - Shock And Awe
Even though Public Enemy has sort of fumbled towards irrelevancy, it's still always nice to hear Chuck D rip a fat beat. Z-Trip's thunderous rock influenced (remember this is the dude that came to prominence behind tracks like "Rockstar" off the Return of the DJ Volume II compilation) beat serves as the perfect foundation for Chuck to unload his discontentment and righteous anger.

12. Ghostface - Be Easy
Staten Island's in the house, put the record on replay. How is it that Ghostface is the only Wu member who you can reasonably expect quality records from anymore? Pete Rock on the beats comes correct, and Ghost tosses off one liners like "You be frontin' like you got a lot chicks/ You at home, beating your dick." After Kanye, I'm afraid to say that had his new record dropped this year it'd probably be on my best albums list, but if it sounds anything like this, it'd have to be on it. And a pretty high numver, too-- this song is nuts. 'Face also shines on "The Mask" from Dangerdoom's The Mouse and The Mask, one of the more fun records of the year.

13. Royksopp - What Else Is There (Thin White Duke remix)
Jacques Lu Cont has been dropping solid remixes (Since U Been Gone, Mr. Brightside, Starsailor's "Four To The Floor") for a while now. Here, he works his magic on one of the better tracks from a very good album, The Understanding, mixing up eight and a half minutes of chilled, understated funk. Because of "Poor Leno," everyone associates these Norweigans are the "chill out" kings, but they're far more versatile than that, as this remix actually turns down the tempo from the original, but it works. Another solid slab of wax from Mr. LuCont.

14. Deep Dish featuring Stevie Nicks - Dreams (Fleetwood Mac cover)
It's ok to be skeptical. I mean, the idea of a house remix of.... a Fleetwood Mac song? Well, it does boggle the mind a bit, certainly. But the fact that Stevie Nicks herself flew over to record the vocals, so it's obviously got her seal of approval, helps quell the suspicion. And then somehow, the deep, bouncy beat manages to wrap its grooves into Nicks' vocals, and you've got yourself a bangin' little number.

15. Garbage - Sex Is Not The Enemy
When I was initially trying to order this mix, I had this song at #1 or #2 in the sequence. But I decided that you couldn't find a better opener than SOAD, and We Are Scientists just fit. Slotting this in at third would have blown my load too early, so here it is, providing one last rev-up before the final descent. I get off on the roaring guitars and the cooing of Shirley Manson. So sue me.

16. Atmosphere - Little Man
If you're just talking about putting quality product on the streets, between Felt 2 and the new Atmosphere album, Slug might just be my MC of the year. This song, which caps off You Can't Imagine How Much Fun We're Having, is one of my favorites of the year. Ant cooks up yet another soulful heatrock, and Slug addresses his son, his father, and himself with each of his verses. I particularly enjoy his self-critique "Hows the love? Hows the music? Hows the self abusiveness?...You're getting old, your raps are exhausting, stop it, everybody knows that you've lost it." It's almost as if, even in full on somber mode, Slug takes the time to wink at the detractors that have been harping since Overcast (three albums ago).

17. Maximo Park - Acrobat
Uhm, when did Warp start putting out indie rock records? I mean, aren't they all Prefuse 73 and Autechre? Now they're signing the British version of Interpol? Hey, whatever. I warn you, this song is kind of a downer, but that's why it's the second to last track-- would be a very depressing way to end the mix. However, it is understated and somehow wormed it's way into my consciousness. A strong track from a strong album.

18. Sia - Breathe Me
Just as this song wrapped up the final act of Six Feet Under, so to it closes out this mixtape in haunting fashion. Remixes by Four Tet (who I like better as a remixer than full blown solo artist) and especially Mylo were nice, but they can't touch the emotion packed original. Just a tremendous, beautiful song, which ends a look back at 2005 all neat and tidy like.

Also, since were in the full on listing mode, do check out Skeet's rundown of the Babes of '05 which he dropped this past week. Quite good. Skeet Skeet Skeet!

HOLY SHIT!

2005-12-04T02:07:00.000-05:00

Hey, I thought the worst. And say what you want (and I'd probably agree with you. If you wanna throw around the words "worst" and "BCS" and "team" and "EVER," I'd pretty mch agree with you). But the only two words that matter rigtht now are....

ACC and CHAMPIONS.

I am fucking amazed. Uhm yeah.... Orange Bowl, here we come? Wait. what?

Flyin' Down I-95, Pocket Full of Dimes

2005-11-29T21:51:00.000-05:00

Sexier folks than me have eloquently spoke to something that I firmly believe: That their is no better place for testing out some tunes, for really experiencing an album, than in your car. And there may be no better time to really get into whatever your pumping than when you've got numerous hours and several hundred miles of barren highway stretched out in front of you ("I've got miles to go before I sleep" and all that). This past week, what with the Thanksgiving holiday, I had just such an opportunity, both on the long drive to and from VA to NY, but also in shorter bursts throughout the week (in contrast to VA, where the only driving I do is to work, in NY all I do is driving-- oddly enough, the one place I didn't drive was work). Here's what I learned about my music collection and myself in those lonely hours when all I had to do was keep the gas pedal pushed, keep the eyes on the road, turn the volume up, and lean back with me and my thoughts.

-- I briefly mentioned last week the Fort Minor/Green Lantern mixtape We Major and how surprisingly unawful it was. Well, on the drive up I-95 towards Nueva York, I spent a good portion of the time listening to the official album, The Rising Tied. And you know what? It, too, is not completely awful. In fact, I'll even say it's pretty good. Not great, and probably pretty much forgettable in three to four months (or after the first half dozen spins or so), but not bad overall.

Don't get it twisted: I'm not saying Mike Shinoda is gonna make anyone forget that the executive producer of this album, President Carter, has (at least temporarily) hung up the mic or anything (and Mike, you're telling me that you can get Jay-Z to oversee the project and do voice over drops on the interludes, but you couldn't get a verse? I mean, the man's been dropping verses all over the place, and you couldn't get a 16 from your boy? What up with that?), but at least I didn't feel the urge to laugh out loud like I do everytime I hear his verse on Handsome Boy Modeling School's "Rock and Roll (Could Never Hip Hop Like This) Part 2."

Obviously, if it ain't the lyrics that get the album off the ground, it's got to be the beats, right? And here is where Shinoda comes correct, most of the time. Sure, at times it sounds as if he's channeling the more obvious elements of DJ Shadow through a fitler of Primo 101, with a dash of Linkin Park-esque rock theatrics, but at least it makes for an entertaiing car ride. I particularly enjoyed the boom bap of "Feel Like Home," the twisted G-Funk of "In Stereo," and the blatant Shadow rip off of "Out The Back." And as a history major and armchair historian, I can't write about the album without mentioning "Kenji," which wraps the story of the World War II Japanese internment camps over a head nodding beat.

-- I don't know how I feel about Hypnotize, I think I gotta give it a few more spins. We all know the deal with double albums by now, given that while many have tried (Biggie, 2Pac, Wu Tang, Smashing Pumpkins, Guns 'n Roses, Jay-Z, etc), there has yet to be a truly great double album: Too much filler, could have been cut down to one great single album. And upon first hearing the holy hell fury of Mezmerize, I thought that SOAD had come up with the genius way to sort of sidestep that problem-- drop one brain melter, wait six months until people have been allowed to let that sink in and get tired of, and just when they're not expecting it, peel their caps back again. However, I don't know if Hypnotize holds up it's end of the bargain. Sure, there are some interesting songs and all, but at some point they just sorta run together and begin to sound similiar. While the title track is a fantastic single (I love that opening line-- "Why don't you ask the kids at Tiannamen Square, was fashion the reason why they were there?"), but the album really lacks something like Mesmerize's "Old School Hollywood," which uses its vocoder vocals and new wave inspired instrumentation to differentiate itself from your typical System of a Down Slayer-on-a-speed-binge riffery.

-- In traditional long drive fashion, on a whim I threw in a CD I hadn't listened to in a while and realized that I perhaps underestimated its power. In this instance, the lucky lottery winner was Interpol's Turn On The Bright Lights. Now, I realize that I might just be the only person on the planet who appreciates Antics more than Lights, and I'm not quite sure why that is. Perhaps it's the more polished production and tighter song writing featured on the second album, perhaps its due to the fact that my first few listens of Lights made me think "there are some good ideas here, but alot of these tunes sound like demos of 80% complete tunes," or perhaps its something as simple as the fact that I started to get into Interpol hardcore around the time Antics dropped (I somehow missed the hype wave of the previous two years). None of that is really important... what is really important is that I gained some new respect for the album and it definitely rose considerably in my estimation.

In much the same way that I re-discovered Turn On The Bright Lights almost by accident, in doing so I discovered the perfect musical soundtrack to the montage of this past week, where my life ever to be made into a movie: "NYC," by Interpol.

Allow me to back up for a second, if you will. Whenever I've thought of songs that describe my hometown, almost immediately I point to two: Either "Welcome to New York City" by Killa Cam and Jigga, or Jigga's "Where I'm From." Both tracks embody what I like to think are the traits I value most about the Rotten Apple in my most braggadacious moods-- the attitude, the swagger, the faint aura of invincibility and menacing, know it all superiority. "Welcome To New York City" was the post-9/11 anthem that ruled the NY airwaves during the Summer of 2002 which allowed NYers to puff their chests out and know that it takes a fuck load more to keep us down and out-- "It's the home of 9/11, the place of the lost towers/ We still bangin', we never lost power." It screams of defiance and indomitable will, not just to Osama and Al Queda, but the rest of the nation as well, as if to say "Weaker motherfuckers would have fallen over this shit. Didn't you know this was New fuckin York, mufucka? Its gonna take a lot more to get us on our knees, bitch."

"Where I'm From," one of the few truly stand out tracks from Jigga's largely disappointing sophomore album, has alot of the same feelings in it. It certainly got a lot of playtime during wintery evenings in snowy Ohio, when I wanted to forget about the paper I was writing about but more importantly forget about the fact that I was in the middle of a fucking cornfield. Although I have no knowledge of throwing the grams in the can and running, or wearing vests, or much of anything else that Jay speaks about, yet I can't help but puff out my chest and feel a certain bond with that song, because the grime, the foreboding sheer size of the city and hint of fear that some tourists feel swirling in the air-- all of that bleeds through the song. Biggie may have been hip hop's Sinatra, but this is hip hop's answer to "New York, New York."

But ya know, when you come home, only to realize that "home" really isn't home anymore.... when your bedroom has been converted into a guest room... when you go out in search of thrills and fond reminisces, only to be reminded of why it was that you left in the first place.... it's hard to puff out your chest and scream "Welcome to New York City!" Because for as much fun as I had and as happy as I was to be back in the Greatest Damn State in the Union, I couldn't escape a certain sense of melancholy and bewilderment, a feeling that I was slightly out of step with things, almost like I didn't belong anymore-- and maybe I don't, anymore. And the slow, brooding grooves of "NYC" perfectly captured that mood, so much so that when I first heard it in my car on my way to some bar, I spun it back three times in a row and then I refused to listen to it until I had left the state limits. I almost felt like that by listening to the song, the melancholy tone would seep into me and become a self fulfilling prophecy-- as if by empathizing with the song's tone and lyrics, it would force me into a depression when I really only felt a small feeling of bewilderment and out of sortness.

I'm sick of spending these lonely nights training myself not to care
The Subway is a porno, pavements they are a mess
I know you've supported me for a long time, but somehow I'm not impressed
New York cares (Got to be some more change in my life)
New York cares (Got to be some more change in my life)....

Knock, Knock, Who's There, Killa Cam, Killa Cam -- in San Diego!?

2005-11-17T21:33:00.001-05:00

Friends, romans, countrymen-- I do apologize for my long abscence. I had not intended to stay away so long, but your boy has had smiles some smiles and some frowns, some ups and downs along the way, y'all know how it is. I had also intended to post some cuts from the surprisingly not awful Fort Minor/Green Lantern mixtape We Major a few weeks ago, such as Juelz Santana rhyming over "Sweet Child O' Mine" (I shit you not), as well as some hot rhymes laid over the "Banquet" break from my boys Bloc Party, but it's kinda late for that. If you're nice, maybe I'll still consider it.

But anyway.... y'all wanna know why I was really away for so long?

Your faithful friend Dan here has been a little bit depressed. And why, you ask?

Ian has got me depressed. Seriously, I don't know how I didn't discover this dude earlier. The half baked thoughts that fly in and out of my head, the half developed ideas I spit out in two sentences on this blog... dude turns into a fully formed thesis. Seriously... I thought that Simmons or Klosterman were the guiding lights I looked to as far as writing... but damn, this kid makes me want to put the pen down, shut off the laptop, and just give the game up. Kinda like how thousands of dudes in Brooklyn musta put aside their dreams of ever rockin' the mic the first time they heard Biggie spit on some street corner (Actually.... I don't know how true that statement is. Given the level of originality in current hip hop, those same thousands of motherfuckers probably thought "I can get rich if I just bite that fat cat's style!" But I digress...)

First it was this ridiculously blazing hot must read comparison of college football teams and rappers. Or peep this, where he flips an idea I myself discussed, and manages to perfectly capture how my man The Sportsguy has lost his fastball over the last 12-18 months (and sorry Grambo, I love you, and I'm the biggest Simmons fan you'll ever find-- see above-- but dude totally has slipped up. I can practically see dude chilling on the beach in Cali, dictating his columns to his editor over his cell phone while he sips a Corona at this point, but again I digress...) at the same damn time.

But enough dicklicking. What we are really all here to discuss and pontificate is this: Killa Cam's impending departure from Queens.

And yes, on the surface, this is a ridiculous trade for the Mets. But there has to be something understand by all the panicked denizens of Flushing (including my boy Rosie, who loves him some Killa Cam): This trade is only the opening salvo of the offseason.
At the very least, this trade opens up anywhere from $4-6 million dollars in the payroll for the Mets. Money which can be rapidly spun towards Billy Wagner (who the Mets desperately want and is being actively courted next week), Rafael Furcal (in order to have any hope of getting him to come to Queens and switch to second, the Mets will have to outbid everyone else), or to pay for someone like Manny Ramirez or Carlos Delgado.

Not only does it open some room in the payroll, but Nady becomes an inexpensive trade chip. Sure, he's his stock has certainly dropped since a few years ago, when his name was mentioned as one of the best prospects in baseball, but he's still only 27, and don't forget the Petco Park effect. Sure, Shea Stadium is a pitcher's park, but Petco is a hitters graveyard (Want proof? Just look at Brian Giles' stat lines). It is not unreasonable to think that Nady can be a relatively productive fifth or sixth hitter and 1B/RF in Flushing.

And of course, Nady's age, contract, and still present potential make him an ideal trade chip. I could see him packaged with some prospects to Boston for Manny or penny pinching Florida for Delgado.

There's no question that it hurts to see Mike Cameron leaving the Mets. By all accounts, he was the centerpiece of the Mets clubhouse, the guy that kept everyone else laughing and loose. Its not coincidence that the Mets noticably sagged after his horrific collision with Beltran this summer. He was a loyal soldier, moving to RF despite his Gold Gloves in center and playing stellar defense after Beltran took his spot last winter with minimal bitching. Yes, there's no doubt that Killa Cam will be missed.

But this is only the first in what will likely be many of Omar Minaya's mad machinations, as he moves the chess pieces around the board. And I trust Omar Minaya, maybe more so than any GM that the Mets have had since Frank Cashman (admittedly not saying much). This is a man who stole the premier free agent that rightly should have belonged to the hated Yankees (Beltran), who correctly gambled that Pedro would be dominant in the NL (although we'll see if that's the case in 2007 and '08). So, while on the surface Nady for Cameron looks as bad as Kazmir for Zambrano, I have faith.

Faith that Omar knows what he's doing. Faith that in the coming weeks, we're gonna get Billy Wagner. That we're gonna get a stand out catcher. That we're gonna get the big bat we need. That he'll make this work.

I really have no other choice.

Related: Read Faith and Fear in Flushing's take on the trade. Like Jay-Z, they do this in their sleep (although, to my knowledge, they have never sold kilos of coke or CD's).

Haha, Who They Think They Carjacking?

2005-10-28T00:02:00.000-04:00

Yeah, we all heard about the man, the myth, the legend Killa Cam getting shot in DC late Sunday night.

But you wanna know why Cam'ron is not only my favorite rapper working the mic right now, but the leader of a movement which is making 50 Cent and G-Unit look like a bunch of masquerading amateurs?

Immediately upon he release from the hospital, he reminds everyone that he's "hardcore Randy Savage, Bob Backlin" by issuing declarations like "People are foolish if they think I'm going to lose my head and give up anything to anyone just because someone threatens me. I'm doing OK. It takes more than a botched carjacking to keep me down.” All those chains you saw him rocking in the Jeezy "Soul Survivor" video? That fly new blue Lamborghini he's rockin'? Ya can't get it from Cam.

But then, what does he do? He heads straight to the studio and cooks up the remix to the street anthem of the year, "Get 'Em Daddy," to make the point abundantly clear.

Cam'ron feat. Hell Rell, Jim Jones, and J.R. Writer - Get 'Em Daddy (Remix)

(Yo, where's Juelz?)

Tom Breihan had a really interesting take on the shooting and Cam's image that's worth perusing.

Get 'em daddy.... daddy got 'em.

P.S. Perhaps if Cam had one of these fools would be less inclined to roll up on the Lambo...

We're Off to See the Wizard, The Wonderful Wizard of...

2005-10-26T19:41:00.000-04:00

This morning my father (the recently reborn member of the Temple of the Red Sox) sent out an email to some people in his office (notable Yankee fans, mostly) and myself, mentioning that the Astros surely are toast because no one comes back from a 3-0 deficit, right? Here's what I wrote back:

If you listen carefully, you can just make out the strains of a conference call going on in the visiting managers office at Minute Maid Park (roof open).... shhhhh, lets listen in:

Ozzie Guillen: What's up, my papis!
Mariano Riviera: Hola!
Alex Rodriguez: What's really good, Wizard of Oz?
Ozzie: Nuttin' man, just tryin' to get this thing wrapped up. I got a question for y'all...
Mariano and Alex: (simultaneously, nervously)... Uhh, what's that...
Ozzie: I was just wonderin', ya know, what it was that you guys did pre-Game 4 of the ALCS last year, so I can tell my guys.
Mariano: I took a nap, listened to some reggaeton...
Alex: Word, I shot the fakest Pepsi commerical ever*, had some dinner, gave some of my fans the finger ... ya know, the usual.
Ozzie: Thanks, mi brothas! Now I know what to tell my guys NOT to do this afternoon. A-Rod, I'll hit you up this offseason in Miami. If I'm nice, I'll even let you kiss my ring!

The moral of the story: 26 rings are nice, except when you've accidentally swallowed them, they're sliding down your esphogaus, and you wrap your hands around your throat in a retarted attempt to give yourself the heimleich, if ya feel me.

*Cuz we know A-Rod ain't hitting any big game homers. And he sure as Hell ain't blowin' up the moon. Come to think of it, neither is Vlad...

Thought that was funny and some might get a kick out of that, so I figured I'd post it here.

And since we're here, can we please quiet all this "This World Series might be the most competitive World Series in recent memory" talk, please? OK, if you wanna tell me that it might be the most competitive (potential) four game sweep ever (which is kind of an oxymoron, isn't it?), I might by that. But unless four years doesn't fall under the definition of "recent memory," this doesn't fit the bill. The 2001 World Series, for example, was far more tense and competitive (the incendiary pitching of Byung Hyung Kim, the air of invincibility surrounding Mariana Rivera getting punctured for the first time, the beginning of the end of the Yankee dynasty), as was 2002 (Bonds' putting to bed the rumors that he's not a big game player-- listening A-Rod?-- with mammoth homeruns off of Percival and the unhittable K-Rod, the Angels storming back to Rally Monkey their way to the title). This one's been interesting, and it has been competitive to a point I suppose, but it hasn't necessarily been interesting, either.

And yo, the pumpkin thing was mostly a joke. Everyone calm down, I was just thinking out loud and trying to make a joke and reminisce about my childhood, not make a giant sociologial statement here. Ease up, kids.

Roll With The Winners

2005-10-11T22:15:00.000-04:00

Ok, so I know that lots of heads already written about it , but as a new found resident of Virginia I feel the need to throw some props to the only in state crew causing more destruction than the Virginia Tech Hokies right now-- Pusha, Malice (a/k/a/ VA's own Clipse), Ab-Liva, and Sandman (comin' from Philly). Collectively, they go by the name of The Re-Up Gang, and they've produced a masterpiece in We Got It 4 Cheap, Vol. 2. I've heard them described as "coke dealer rap." which is an apt yet somewhat odd sounding description, but every track on this thing is a certified banger. And the beats they jump on.... my lord. Seriously: Best. Mixtape. Of. The. Year.

--And hey, maybe I'm not such an idiot after all:

However, if A-Rod truly is the AL MVP (and I don’t think he is, as you’ll see tomorrow), he’s got to step up and put a big time stamp on this series. If he doesn’t, it’ll only give more credence to those who say he puts up MVP numbers in blowouts and under no pressure, but when wilts when you need the big hit.

Bet that MVP trophy that may be coming to A-Rod next month looks real, real hollow to Yankee fans right about now, huh? And hey, I'm not the only one who hates the Yankees. See, there are somewhat sound, thought out reasons for hating the Yankees ($2.2 million per win!) other than pure jealousy (And no, Dr. Alterman and I are not just bitter Mets fans. Dirty liberals? Sure. But "haters"? Nah...).

-- I know that the topic of the Angels being exhausted and having to travel has been beaten to death in the media, but I can't believe the Angels are even in the ball game tonight (as I type this, they lead 3-2 after eight). Pitching staff shot to shit, three cities (three time zones!) in three days, going up against the rested and ready White Sox (who I must admit I sincerely underrated coming in to this thing-- sorry, Ozzie Guillen)... I was fully expecting Chicago to cruise and win something like 7-0 tonight. Should be a good series...

-- And finally, a little while ago, upon the entrance to the grocery store, I saw one of the most bizarre things I'd ever seen: A pre-painted Halloween pumpkin. Wow... maybe I'm reading too much into this, but doesn't that say something about American culture and lifestyle, circa 2005?

Some of my favorite Halloween memories are not running around the neighborhood feisting on free candy (although that was good too), but rather painting the pumpkin or carving a Jack O' Lantern with my family. I also got a kick out of trying to slice the most bizarre, misguided expressions on to my pumpkin, and delighted in seeing it illuminated on my front porch throughout Halloween evening (even though we usually only got about two Trick or Treaters, so it's not like many people were gonna see it). Have we really reached the point-- have we become this lazy?-- that we can't even be bothered to paint or carve our own damn pumpkins? And people wonder why American culture is hated and mocked, or that we're thought of as weak and fat? I mean, that's just pathetic.

Quick Thought

2005-10-09T21:50:00.000-04:00

Just a quick little question/observation: Is it weird that I've spent more time watching to see what Mr. Chad "Who's Covering 85 in '05?" Johnson will do than I have the Yankees?

I mean, this is me, Mr. "Hardcore Baseball Junkie Since '88," on a day when the freaking Yankees could possibly get eliminated, and I just don't have much enthusiasm for it. Maybe the fact that the Braves-Astros game went so damn long (to the point where my friend Beth and I were making jokes about the game whimpering on the floor, begging for someone to shoot it in the head) probably has something to do with it.

But I'm also sure that Chad Johnson is my favorite player in the NFL, period bottomline. I think I'm gonna have to go out and buy me a 85 jersey one of these days (and it'd probably be a better investment than that Beltran authentic I copped this winter)...

And The Envelopes Please....

2005-10-04T22:45:00.000-04:00

So yesterday, I made my predictions for the baseball postseason. How about we hand out some awards, shall we?

ROOKIE OF THE YEAR

National League: Ryan Howard, 1B, Phillies
Jeff Francoeur is a nice little player, and he certainly played a major part in helping the Braves win their 14th straight division title, both with his timely hitting and outfield arm. However, Howards’ numbers-- .286, 22 HR, 62 RBI, .921 OPS in only 308 at-bats—are simply monsterous. When Jim Thome was lost for the season, Philly just plugged in the 25 year old and got basically the same amount of production. The Phils once again fell short of the playoffs, but it wasn’t the big guy’s fault.

(As an aside: Rumors have already begun popping up, speculating on where the Phillies will trade Thome, with the Rangers, Red Sox, and Angels rumored to be among the likely suitors. Depending on the price tag, if I’m Omar Minaya, I would at least explore what it would take—both financially and player wise—to acquire him.)

American Leauge: Huston Street, RP, Athletics
Hey, if you wanna go with Robinson Cano, I’ve got no beef with you. He’s certainly got the numbers-- .295, 14 HR, 62 RBI’s—not to mention a large collection of clutch hits and steady defense. However, it’s hard to find a closer of any age that was as reliable as Street, not to mention the collection of numbers he brings to the table—5-1, 1.72 ERA, 23 saves in 27 chances, nearly a strikeout an inning. Effortlessly handling the pressure of closing major league games at age 22, just a year removed from the College World Series at Texas, Street showed incredible poise and looks like an anchor of the rapidly reloading Oakland machine for years to come.

CY YOUNG

National League: Roger Clemens, Astros
Yeah, he’s a mercenary, and a jerk to boot. But you can’t front on the sickening numbers he put up this year, especially at age 43. You can’t argue with a 1.87 ERA, and if the Astros had scored any runs for him this year, he would have had more than his 13 wins and there’d be no debate whatsoever. Props to D-Train and Carpenter for great seasons, but Clemens takes home his staggering 8th Cy Young.

American League: Johan Santana, Twins
He probably won’t win it—it’ll probably go to Bartolo Colon in a year which lacks a clear cut favorite based on his 21 W’s and the ace of the West winning Angels—but Johan is far and away the best pitcher in the American League. Any worry that his jaw-dropping 2004 Cy season was a fluke were assuaged (not that there were many to begin with) with a stellar 16-7, 2.87 ERA, 9.2 K/9 season. Only 26, Santana appears poised for a long reign atop mounds all across the American League.

MOST VALUABLE PLAYER

National League: Albert Pujols, 1B, Cardinals
With Barry Bonds out the whole year, the path has been cleared for Albert the Great to finally win a much deserved MVP. While Andruw Jones’ 50 homers certainly played a huge role in powering the Braves towards the postseason once again, Pujols simply did what he always does—mash. Sure, the Cardinals are a great all around ball club and have been good for quite a while, but that should not obscure in the slightest the contributions of one of the five best players in the game. If he doesn’t finally win an MVP soon, the fact alone will dishonor the award itself, in much the same way that Martin Scorsese’s lack of an Oscar doesn’t bestow much credit on the Academy.

American League: David Ortiz, DH, Red Sox
Sure, give it to A-Rod, solely for the fact that he plays in the field (and admittedly plays a pretty fine third) and Ortiz DH’s. However, I’m a National League fan who abhors the very concept of the DH, so it takes a lot for me to give the nod to one in Ortiz. However, every since Game 4 of last year’s ALCS, Big Papi has just been an absolute beast, amassing an ungodly amount of clutch hits. Ortiz followed the same recipe that won Vladimir Guerrero, Miguel Tejada, and Jason Giambi MVP awards before him— namely, put your team on your back for the month of September and carry them, kicking and screaming, into the postseason.

Today, Bill Simmons wrote this about A-Rod during Saturday's AL East clinching win for the Yanks:

"An MVP performance from A-Rod, who waited until the Yanks were up 6-2 before he ripped a long home run, then followed that up with two more big hits. The weird thing about A-Rod is that there's nobody more terrifying in a big game ... when you're down by 4 runs. There really isn't. It's like he goes to another level."

See, that’s the thing about A-Rod—he seems to do the most damage when the game is already decided one way or the other for the Yankees. And while he wasn’t nearly as bad in the clutch as he has been in the past, he wasn’t Ortiz, who was downright Bondsian coming down the stretch. Basically, without A-Rod, I figure the Yanks still find a way to make the playoffs. Without Ortiz, who was strictly there’s no way in Hell the Sox make the playoffs. I seriously don’t understand why anyone pitched to him these last 3-4 weeks.

Here's Where The Fun Begins...

2005-10-03T22:07:00.000-04:00

Uhm, does anyone else find it weird that FOX is using the Smashing Pumpkins as background music on the incessant commercials for the playoffs?

Anywho, what is quite possibly my favorite time of the year begins tomorrow at 1, with the Padres and Cardinals squaring off as the curtain opens on the playoffs once again. The last time I tried to make predictions about the baseball playoffs was my junior year of college, and I think I made every single prediction wrong.

Then again, no one saw that one. I intended to send it out as an email, and just as I hit send, my computer crapped out on me (I’ve learned my lesson this time: I’m writing it in Word first).

AMERICAN LEAGUE

Honestly, I have trouble deciding on who I like in either of the initial series in the AL. With serious questions about both the Yankees and the Red Sox, the two presumed goliaths of the division, I could see any of the four teams advancing. At the end, we should see a third Red Sox-Yankees blood feud, at least on paper. I’m picking both series’ to go five, because I can see either team winning in both cases.

Red Sox-White Sox: My father and grandfather, both devout acolytes of the cult which is Red Sox Nation are on pins and needles, if my father’s increasingly frenzied emails over the past week are any indication (love you Pops!). And they should be. The Red Sox starters are shaky and inconsistent, and the bullpen—Mike Timlin closing!?—has got to keep fans all across New England waking up in cold sweats. Can the Red Sox score 8 runs a game in October? They may have to, just to have a shot.

The trouble is, I have trouble picking the White Sox either. Any team that nearly coughs up a fifteen game lead in August scares the living hell out of me. No one on their offense really puts the fear of God in the opposing pitcher, with the possible exception of Konerko. It remains to be seen whether the White Sox can play their brand of small ball effectively in the tight games of the playoffs, and while the pitching is solid throughout, they lack a true imposing ace (Note: I realize so does Boston. But Chicago also doesn’t have Ortiz and Ramirez, either).

Anyone that knows me knows that I’m a huge admirer of the Oakland A’s and a card carrying member of the Billy Beane fan club. Yet, this White Sox team looks a lot to me like the A’s teams that showed so much promise, only to flame out in the first round year after year. In the end, I’m going with the experience and the entire Red Sox organization and the incredible combination of clutch and cluelessness that is Big Papi and Manny.

The pick: Boston in Five.

Yankees-Angels: Most Yankee fans will tell you that the Angels are the last team they wanted to play in the first round, because they always play them tough (and remember, it was the Angels who Rally Monkeyed the Yanks in 2002). It’s why the Yankees were so pissed at Buck Showalter Sunday, because the last thing they wanted to do was concede homefield advantage.

Even with Randy Johnson rounding into form as the menacing October ace George Steinbrenner envisioned when he acquired him, the Yankees pitching is loaded with question marks—Can you really trust Shawn Chacon in the playoffs? What’s up with Mike Mussina? Much like the Red Sox, it may take a nightly fireworks display for the Bombers to move on, especially against a deep Angel bullpen.

It is the Angels offense that may wind up doing them in, because Vlad The Impaler can only carry them so far. Steve Finley has been a huge disappointment, and Halos desperately need Garrett Anderson to rediscover his 2002 form. If Chone Figgins has a big series and Vlad gets a little magic (and some pitches to hit), the Angels could win this thing.

Nevertheless, I think Randy Johnson combined with the impressive Yankee offense gets them to three victories. If this was a seven game series, I might think differently. However, if A-Rod truly is the AL MVP (and I don’t think he is, as you’ll see tomorrow), he’s got to step up and put a big time stamp on this series. If he doesn’t, it’ll only give more credence to those who say he puts up MVP numbers in blowouts and under no pressure, but when wilts when you need the big hit.

The pick: Yankees in Five.

AL CHAMPION: Yankees in Six As much as it pains me to say, I think this is where the Red Sox pitching gets exploited, unless Curt Schilling can channel the Schilling of October past (or maybe just a bloody sock).

NATIONAL LEAGUE

Unlike the AL, I see the NL much more clearly. Of course, that probably means that we’ll be seeing the Padres and Braves in a rematch of the 1998 NLCS…

Padres-Cardinals Are you serious? I know that a team can get hot for a stretch and that anything can happen in the playoffs. Jake Peavy is a certified number one starter for San Diego, and likely NL Cy Young winner Chris Carpenter appeared to be tiring as the season wound down. Doesn’t matter.

There’s a reason the Padres finished barely over .500 and the Cardinals were the best team in the National League. Pujols goes off, and the Padres will be lucky if the Padres even win tomorrow with Peavy going.

The pick: St. Louis in Four.

Houston-Atlanta: Well, you’ve got the team that won its first postseason series last season versus the team that held the patent for postseason choking, until the Yankees came along and made them look like cheap generic ripoffs last year. Bobby Cox’s boys have had a nice little run, plugging in rookies to great effectiveness and riding the long promised breakout season of Andruw Jones. And the addition of Hudson gives them an imposing 1-2 punch in the starting rotation.

Except that Houston goes them one better, trotting out the three-headed monster of Clemens-Oswalt-Petitite. Last year, the ‘Stros took out the Braves. I don’t see this year being any different. Let’s hope the Ted is actually sold out for these games…

The pick: Houston in Five.

NL CHAMPION: Houston in Six. The Astros came dangerously close to toppling the Cardinals last year. Sure, they lost Beltran, but they’ve got a healthy Andy Petitite, not to mention a better bullpen infront of The Terminator, Brad Lidge. I say this is the year the Astros storm the castle and finally make it to the World Series…

WORLD CHAMPION: Houston Astros in Six… and go ahead and win it to boot. Picture this: Pitching at familiar Yankee Stadium, Andy Petitite twirls a gem as the Astros clinch. While watching Petitite, Clemens, and Astros celebrate on the Yankee Stadium field, George Steinbrenner begins laying waste to his luxury box, where his head literally explodes in a modern mystery of science.

STILL My Favorite Band of '05

2005-09-26T21:34:00.000-04:00

OK, I admit it: I might not be completely unbiased. But hey, if Mr. Leafblower can gush about Mylo, I'm allowed to do the same about Bloc Party, dammit!

At first glance, the idea to follow up Silent Alarm, an album that only dropped six months ago (and still far and away my favorite album of the year), with oh-so captivatingly titled Silent Alarm Remixed. After getting over the distaste that accompanies such an obvious cash-in record label bullshit move (really, I thought Bloc Party were above that), I was more interested in how this would sound.

Remixes by themselves are a tricky thing. The best of them tread the same line that cover songs do: The remixer has got to inject enough of their own particular style to make it interesting, yet it also has to retain enough of the original elements that made a song worth covering/remixing in the first place. Change too much and it's just a song by the remixer under another name; change too little and what's the point of even remixing the song in the first place?

Throw in the fact that, being that remix albums are like live albums and simple stop-gap-money grabs, and alot of time they are produced on the cheap. I can think of some great remix combinations that would be interesting to see (I might be the only one who thinks that the Secret Machines would sound wickedly bizarre remixed by Groove Armada), record labels don't think this way. They'd just assume that they get some guys who people may or may not have heard of, who are fairly cheap and can do the work quickly. Often times, you get a record that sounds like some stoned kid in his bedroom trying to be DJ Shadow or RjD2, and failing miserably.

Surprisingly, Silent Alarm Remixed succeeds a lot more often than most remix albums. Although some of the better songs have been released on various EPs and singles already (like the Phones Disco Edit of "Banquet," or Four Tet's take on "So Here We Are), its interesting to hear the track by track remake of the album. I've obviously listened to the original album numerous times, yet the best of these remixes manage to take the songs in different and interesting directions for me. The entire album kept my interest, and has more than the to be expected couple of complimentary spins from me.

Obviously, like I said, I'm biased, and this album is probably only interested to Bloc Party diehards, but be that as it may. Because they've also gone the extra length to release a brand new single, "Two More Years." My Lord... if this is what awaits in the follow up to Silent Alarm, we can all stop worrying about the Curse of the Wack Second Album right now. Because it retains all the things you love about Bloc Party (the groove, the charging drums, the swirling guitars), yet also shows just the right amount of progression to make it compelling. I'm really digging this right now.

And hey, in addition to another new track, "Hero," what else have we got here? Why, it's another remix! Although its more of a mash up than a true remix, the Banquet remix by Mike Skinner, a/k/a/ The Streets is hot fire. I'm a huge Streets fan (although I greatly prefer Original Pirate Material to A Grand Don't Come For Free), and hearing him spit his Joe Everyday lyrics over the Banquet break is pretty interesting and fun.

-- Also, really quick, since we're on the topic of favorite bands of mine: If anyone knows where I can find the leaked Thursday demos, please holla at me.

And do yourself a favor: Download Ghostface's "Be Easy" (here). It is ridiculously hot, and as my man Douglas notes, Pete Rock is truly destroying things right now, which is always good to see. Does this mean we can get a DJ Premier comeback going too, because I could really use a few of his rugged heat rocks right about now.

I Might Have A New Hero

2005-09-01T00:34:00.000-04:00

From this past Sunday's Washington Post Magazine:

"Like Jane Scott, who retired a few years ago as the pop critic at the Cleveland Plain Dealer at age 82. Yes, 82. She was already in her forties when the Beatles came to town, and when she figured out that nobody at the paper had signed up to cover the event, she volunteered.

For parts of the next five decades, she went to hundreds of shows, always with her ticket pinned to her chest, so she wouldn't lose it, usually armed with a peanut butter sandwich in case she got hungry. She's met everyone -- Brian Wilson, Bob Dylan, Bruce Springsteen, to name just a few. When I asked her what kept her going, she brought up the Doobie Brothers, of all bands. At some point in the '70s, they came to town and toward the end of their set played that FM staple "Black Water." There's an a cappella moment in that song, and when it came, she explained, everyone in the building was locked arm in arm, swaying and singing.
"Until you've experienced that," she told me once, shaking her head, "you don't know anything."
For Scott, understanding the power of amplified pop was nothing short of the beginning of enlightenment."

Wow. That's one awesome lady.

Except for the Doobie Brothers. I don't quite get down like that. And I'm not so sure about the whole swaying and singing "Let's all be redeemed by the grand rock spectacle!" moment either.

But nevertheless, if I'm even alive at 82. you can bet your sweet ass I'm not gonna be rocking out at shows, packed sandwich or not.

So yeah, like I said: One awesome lady.

NFC: No F'in Chance?

2005-08-30T23:40:00.000-04:00

Does the NFC still pale in comparison to the quality of play in the AFC? Will the Eagles make the Super Bowl again? Are you sick of T.O.? Do you care at all?

Here's Jake...

NFC East

Philadelphia Eagles (13-3) – So if you’ve been reading, you realize that I think T.O.isa huge bitch, whether he deserves the money or not. T(icked) O(ff) will still come and play, thrive on the controversy and hog McNabb’s limelight. And how about a round of applause for the mainstream media for continuing to plug this unnecessary bullshit? There are exhilarating MLB pennant races abound and America is infatuated with T.O.’s menstrual cycle. And I’m not even going to get into Drew Rosenhaus, who needs like a lifetime supply of Seasonal. We’re not all 13 anymore. Seriously. ANYWAY…There’s still a helluva team there. Brian Westbrook is more multifaceted than an Ipod-infused microwave. Jevon Kearse will get his freak on (God, I can’t believe I went there. I feel like such a follower. I don’t like EMO. Fuck buying clothes at Walmart.) Brian Dawkins still gives receivers the crabapple-mcnasties, word to MAD TV circa 1995. Actually, I wouldn’t mind Dawkins giving it to T.O. during practice one day, turning this McNabb proclaimed soap opera into “General Hospital.” But that won’t happen and the Iggle soapie—award for the most mindless drama during pigskin programming—will go all 8 mile on us in January. Can’t you just see it, “I’m Michelle Tafoya, coming live to you from the Eagle locker room. It’s about an hour before the big game kicks off and Donovan is clipping T.O.’s fingernails. Al, it’s truly amazing how far these two have come!”

*New York Giants (8-8) – The maturation of Eli Manning continues. Plaxico Burress adds another weapon to go with Amani Toomer and Jeremy Shockey. (Anyone else think it was hilarious that Shockey ended up with a 666 receiving yards last season? Satan is blond!) If those three live up to their potential, Tom Coughlin might have his army thinking playoffs. Michael Strahan is back from injury, anchoring a decent defense. Shout out to my main man Ryan Grant, the fiercest competitor I’ve ever shared a court with, who is trying to make the team as the 4th running back. Soak up all the Tiki you can, keep being a sponge and things will work out. I’m going to be stupid and say the Giants are this year’s lucky 8-8 NFC team to make the playoffs.

Dallas Cowboys (7-9) – You wonder how The Tuna gets up and goes to work everyday. What makes the man with health problems and a great track record feel like he needs to resurrect Drew Bledose’s career? Great coaches need challenges. And with Keyshwan and Terry Glenn aging, it’s going to be tough. There’s no great back to place the burden on in Big D. Julius Jones had a few good games last year, but is overrated. Actually, I’m just still pissed that he took Ryan’s job at Norte Dame two years ago. Regardless, this squad isn’t very good and some heated press conferences are going to be all the rage, pun intended, in Big D. Washington

Redskins (6-10) – Wasted talent galore last season. The Skins look tofinally turn a new page, hoping to get the most out of Clinton Portis and Patrick Ramsey. Santana Moss will complain less than Laverneus Coles. The D is still pretty stacked. But really, Joe Gibbs should just race cars because the Skins need an extreme makeover. Talent alone doesn’t win jack in the NFL. If that was the case, the Skins and Saints would be perennial contenders.

NFC North

Minnesota Vikings (9-7) – The Vikings are less Randy than Austin Powers after he lost his mojo. And, amazingly, that’s not even that problematic. Watch Daunte Culpepper spread the ball with ease. He’ll put it down and take it himself with more frequency and success, as well. Nate Burelson, welcome to the limelight. Did you even know it existed while Randy was here? The secondary is a force, led by new acquisition Fred Smoot and Antoine Winfield. Nine wins is enough in the weak Norris. A healthy Michael Bennett is key.

Detroit Lions (8-8) – Joey Harrington and Jeff Garcia get fight for the right to throw to a plethora of uber-talented young receivers. Rookie Mike Williams should show no ill-effects from his year off and Roy Williams will continue to dazzle. Charles Rogers, when healthy, is slept on. Second year tailback Kevin Jones should benefit from the offensive ability that defines their passing game. R.W. McQuarters and Dre Bly are standout corners on a defense that lacks the ability to push the Lions to the playoffs. At least they should have good seats to the SuperBowl.

Green Bay Packers (7-9) – D-Lineman Kabeer Gbaja-Biamila is a sack party. Opposing QB’s and O-Lineman are welcome to watch him celebrate. Aside from his presence, everything else seems older at Lambeau…because, well, it is. Once healthy cheese is now turning moldy, though we should still admire Brett Favre for continuing to throw rockets despite numerous health hazards.

Chicago Bears (5-11) – The addition of Muhsin Muhammad and a relatively light schedule will net them a few wins. Rex isn’t in effect after breaking his ankle in the pre-season, which means Chad Hutchinson, who is the answer to nothing, takes the helm. Look for a few exciting moments from RB Cedric Benson—that is when opposing defenses don’t stack 8 in the box because Hutch doesn’t scare anybody. If Hutch got Starsky and Huggy Bear to man a weak offensive line, they might win the SnooperBowl. That’s right, I went there.

NFC South

Atlanta Falcons (13-3) – Michael Vick has another year under his belt and that’s just trouble for anyone who is going to try and stop him. Michael Jenkins looks poised to break out after stepping ahead of Peerless Price on the depth chart. Alge Crumpler continues to be a pass catching vacuum. CB Deangelo Hall should really shine in his first full season of receiver lockdown. Keith Brooking is the rock that holds the defense together and he should be just as solid this season, 5th straight Pro Bowl type solid. Look for these birds to prey on the NFC all the way to a title game rematch with some other birds of prey.

*Carolina Panthers (11-5) – Julius Peppers is just amazing. He’ll win them a game or two by himself. As much as the phrase “making plays” is the most overrated linguistic “footballism” EVER, Peppers is one of those guys who makes it acceptable to hear [pick your least favorite broadcaster] ramble on about “football is about making plays” without saying anything specific. Peppers, Ray Lewis, Ed Reed are the only guys in that category. I don’t wanna hear about anybody else “making plays because he’s a great player.” Jake Delhomme is a survivor, and he’ll deal adequately with the loss of Muhammad. Deshaun Foster will open some eyes, possibly in the postseason, a place the Panthers should find themselves as long as they don’t lose the first part of the season to injuries again.

New Orleans Saints (8-8) – If you’ve written a Saints preview, you’ve written a thousand Saints previews.
Mediocrity (Webster’s version)–
1. The state or quality of being mediocre. Example: New Orleans Saints franchise.
2. Mediocre ability, achievement, or performance. Example: Late season swoon in New Orleans.
3. One that displays mediocre qualities. Example: Aaron Brooks, Deuce McAllister, Joe “can you hear my ego now?” Horn when placed in a situation filled with pressure.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers (4-12) – Sweet stadium. Note to Derrick Brooks: get traded. Since you won’t be winning anything, could you guys find Doc Gooden for me please? I need to talk to him. Thanks.

NFC West (I can’t convey how disappointing it is write almost an entire NFL preview and then come to the NFC West at the end. I’m really sad right now.)

St. Louis Rams (10-6) – Talk about taking advantage of a crappy division. Did the Rams really make the second round of the playoffs last year? The Falcons essentially got two byes and then the Eagles. Steven Jackson will take over for Marshall Faulk and do a good job. The offense will continue to roll, but won’t even come close to approaching “The Greatest Show on Turf” levels. Lenard Little and Bryce Fisher are better than the rest of the defense indicates. And Pisa Tinoisamoa led the team in tackles. I didn’t know Italian paintings hit hard either.

Seattle Seahawks (8-8) – Shaun Alexander is another victim of Running Back marginalization. If you keep telling me that Matt Hasselback is your fantasy quarterback, I will stop being friends with you. (You know who you are. Actually, about 67 people are worried I’m not going to be friends with them anymore, which amazing because I only have like 12 friends.) Nobody is making the same mistake by picking the Seahawks again this year to be a sleeper team. Seattle is NFL purgatory.

Arizona Cardinals (5-11) – Can the NFL keep J.J. Arrington, Larry Fitzgerald, and Anquan Boldin and send the rest of the team to NFL Europe? (How fun would it be to throw those 3 guys on the Redskins and watch them still miss the playoffs?) I mean, Rick Reilly already devoted an entire column to the Cards. Would you show up at a party after getting an acid facial?

San Francisco 49ers (3-13) – R.I.P. Thomas Herroin. Good luck Alex Smith. You’ll need it. Yeah, the Niners pretty much suck.

NFC Chip: Eagles over Falcons
AFC Chip: Colts over Jets

AFC MVP: LaDanian Tomlinson
NFC MVP: Donovan McNabb

Deee-troit FOOTBALL – Colts over Eagles

Snooperbowl: Long Beach 12 year olds over Bears

(Note: I’m sure all of these picks are going to be way off.)

After Jake sent this to me, he asked me what my Super Bowl prediction was. After thinking about it, I went with New England-Minnesota. If you read the Sports Guy, you're familiar with the Peyton Manning Face and the Ewing Theory.

As I said, that was my fifteen second take on it. It can't possibly be any more wrong than that time freshman year where I spent two hours writing up an email with in depth baseball playoff predictions (I'm talking analyzing each matchup, down to the World Series) and end of season awards, only to have my computer die and lose it.

Maybe it was for the best, seeing as how if I remember correctly, every single pick was wrong.

In any event, it should be fun to look back at this in January. Or maybe not.

Taking Stock of the AFC

2005-08-29T20:45:00.000-04:00

So yes, as promised yesterday, I bring to you the first guest post in Mental Sword Fighting history!

And who, you may find yourselves asking, is deserving of such an honor? Why, none other than my good buddy Jake Appleman! Jake is a buddy from mine from college, and a good dude. Even though he's a Jet fan, I still hang around with him (probably because he shares my intense obsession with the New York Mets and hating the New York Yankees). He has written for SLAM magazine and The Links on slamonline.com, covering the Cleveland Cavaliers. He's been in the locker room, he's spoken to LeBron, he's asked Kenyon Martin if he's aware of the college that bears his name (good ol' alma mater!). He's bonafide.

Except he's not writing about basketball (I wanted him to do a guest post for the NBA Finals or something, but real finals prohibited him from doing that). He's writing about football. A sport, short of a disasterous stint covering the godawful Kenyon Lords football team for two years, he has no credentials in. Which is just as well, seeing as how if I wanted to read about basketball, I'd just read The Links or Free Darko, they do it better anyway (Just playin' Jake!). But let's not let that bother us, shall we?

Anywho, completely out of the blue, Jake decided to write a nearly 4,000 word preview of the upcoming NFL season, and I am more than happy to present it to you here (cuz let's be honest, I sure as hell wasn't getting around to it). So, being that Jake understands the Slam-style, I'm gonna bite their flavor-- Jake's in bold, I'm in normal color. AFC today, NFC and predictions tomorrow. I'm turning it over to Jake...

AFC East

New England Patriots (12-4) – Just how essential are Coordinators to a team’ssuccess? We’re about to find out, with the departures of Charlie Weiss (NotreDame) and Romeo Cronell (Browns). Belicheck is still there, as areall of the key parts, save Teddy Bruschi. Tom Brady is still clutch, DeionBranch still has the opportunity to shine for a full season, Rodney Harrison still has the ability to send any receiver to the E.R., Mike Vrabel is still a secret weapon (“Hey, Vrabel’s in at tight end on the goal line. He’s probably just a decoy. NOOOO!” Sound familiar?), Corey Dillon still loves winning, and the Pats still play and win as a team. But asking for four out of five is just getting greedy, especially after a regular season in one of football’s most dangerous divisions.*

New York Jets (12-4) – The J-E-T-S, JETS, JETS, JETS have every reason to beoptimistic about their chances this season. The defense is beastly. JonathonVilma “I’m home!” looks to improve on his stellar rookie campaign. New addition Ty Law solidifies the secondary. John Abraham and Shaun Ellis will continue toterrorize opposing quarterbacks. On the other side of the ball, Chad Penningtonappears to be healthy. Dumbo (it’s like the ears keep growing!) has his favoritetarget back in Laveraneus Coles. Curtis Martin, coming off a career year, runs (well) behind a solid front five. The Jets even have a new kicker, exiling DougBrien after his blown field goals in Pittsburgh broke more hearts than JohnKerry—OK, almost as many hearts. Ohio’s prodigal right leg, belonging to the body of Mike Nugent, was drafted extremely high just to make sure disaster doesn’t strike again. Did I mention that Paul Hackett, the offensive coordinator who cost the Jets at least two games a year because his play calling was more conservative than Bush, is gone? To keep with the political theme; this team is a campaign contender, but probably more of a Dennis Kucinich than a John Kerry.

Buffalo Bills (9-7) – You would think a team with a coach whose last name is Mularkey and a QB whose last name is one “e” away from being Loseman would be considered a joke. However, the opposite is true in Orchard Park. Willis McGahee is developing into the truth. You may see him in anti-smoking ad campaigns soon. Eric Moulds, Lee Evans, and Josh Reed are a tremendous trio; a group that Bills fans hope will help the maturation of young J.P. Nate Clements, Takeo Spikes, and London Fletcher anchor a solid defense that has the potential to be downright scary.

Miami Dolphins (3-13) – Ricky Williams went all Rule of the Bone on us, searching for Jah and shit during his year off. He came back to camp skinny, fast, and reportedly, still smelly. At the moment, I’m not sure who their quarterback is (is anyone?)but I do know that Jason Taylor has a nice house. Thanks MTV Cribs. Poor Nick Saban didn’t know what he was getting himself into.

AFC Central

Pittsburgh Steelers (10-6) – 15-1 is not happening again. Now that we moveforward from the ‘duh’ portion of this preview, it’s important to realize whatthe Steelers need to do to stay successful. Porter, Farrior, Hope, Townsend, Polamalu the awesome, and co. need to keep up the relentless pressure. To keepthe Roethlisberger in taste, Ben needs to keep slinging mustard, but do morewith ketchup (that’d be Hines, as in Ward) due to the loss of Plaxico Burress.The problem maintaining may come from the backfield where the Bus is a yearolder and Duce is dropping off. (Was that a poop joke about a Pittsburgh Steeler? Can you tell I’m a Jet fan? No, I’m not bitter.)*

Baltimore Ravens (10-6) – Strong Safety Ed Reed is omnipresent, simply the bestdefender in the league. Ray Lewis might just kill you. (Stop and think aboutthat. Stop and think about the fact that Ray Lewis might kill you one day. Good. That’s better.) The O-line is sturdy. Jamal Lewis runs through traffic (and traffick) so seamlessly that the gridiron might magically turn into the courtroom again. Deion Sanders is now agrandfather—the inconceivably successful form of Prime Time self promotion thathe fathered in the early 90’s has given birth to a spoiled, yet surprisingly intelligent little bitch: T.O, already in diapers. Question: Contenders? Answer: Um, Kyle Boller. Brian Billick unfortunately still believes that because Trent Dilfer did it, it’s worth trying for again with a scrub. Even Zack Braff will tell you that you don’t get that lucky twice, regardless of what Derrick Mason and Mark Clayton are making pundits think.

Cincinnati Bengals (6-10) - Carson Palmer will continue to impress, but the realdeal is egomaniacal receiver Chad Johnson. Look for that combo to post goodfantasy stats, but the D will continue to bungle away any playoff chances.Palmer also has the delightful opportunity to look the way of T.J. Houshmandzadeh [pronounced Hoosh-Men-Zay-Da], nomenclature’s greatest success. An aside: Can Nike please start marketing all purpose kicks under a new Swooshmandzadeh line? Who wouldn’t rock those Bengali colored joints that would look like they’d claw the crap out of all predators (or secondaries)?

Cleveland Browns (5-11) – Romeo, Oh Romeo, thou art on yonder sidelines. If thisnow makes the Browns the Montagues, let’s just realize that there’s an entire division waiting to bust Capulets in thee collective Dawg Pound ass. The death of young Winslowlio will continue to haunt—a thousand plagues on your Erie House—the young men of Veron...er, Cleveland. (Mixing Ebonics with Shakespeare is always fun. Example #2 that relates to Kellen Winslow because you can never have too much fun at his expense: All the league is a stage and “I am thy soldier” hath not kept it crunk thus far. G.I. Winslow doth remind me of somebody mad toolshed—yes I’m on a life mission to make “mad toolshed” part of everyday urban vernacular. Hate me now.) Memo to Braylon Edwards: you’re in the wrong state, homie. Receivers and Michiganders belong in Detroit. Shakespeare and Ebionics? I wish I had thought of that... that was just incredible.

AFC South

Indianapolis Colts (13-3) – Jay Z bought Def Jam. So what is Peyton Manninggoing to do for an encore? Edgerin James is whining; dude claims he has morepotassium than the average third banana, and he’s probably right. But it’s justhis bad luck that he’s playing in the era of the receiver (and Marvin Harrison); an era when Running Backs have become marginalized like third world rebels in a country run by a dictator. The real question is whether or not there’s enough juice in the Dwight Freeney sack parade to produce homefield advantage and a SuperBowl parade. An even more interesting question is whether or not the “city” of Indianapolis has enough square blocks to do the parade justice when the Colts win.

Jacksonville Jaguars (8-8) – The Jags seemed like a shoe-in for the playoffsearly on, but their inexperience ended up getting the best of them. Jack DelRio’s squad is looking to improve on last year’s strides, with a tough-as-nailsD leading the way. Stud QB Byron Leftwich has ageless wideout Jimmy Smith, butit’s the backfield, more specifically Fred Taylor’s groin, that will pull theJags out of the playoff hunt.

Houston Texans (6-10) – When he’s not eating cleat-ravaged sod, David Carr hasbeen pretty good, throwing tight spirals and whizzing bullets to his toptarget, the acrobatic Andre Johnson. Dominick Davis runs the ball withefficiency. The defense doesn’t scare anybody, although lurking cornerbackDunta Robinson might. Contenders will still easily be able to mess with Texas.

Tennessee Titans (3-13) - Not Good: the team. Amazing: Cornerback Pacman Joneswas the team’s first pick in the draft. Let’s see how well he eats up receivers. With the aforementioned Harrison, Smith, and Johnson in the division, one would think it’s game-over for the young rookie. Trying to compensate for the loss of Samori Rolle, Pacman will need more time working with quarters, nickels, and dimes before he’s truly ready.

AFC West

San Diego Chargers (10-6) – Most football fans thought they’d been bolted bylightening when they realized how good the Chargers were last year. They’ll beback and to be reckoned with (kind of); any team with LaDanian Tomlinson and animproving cast of characters is dangerous. The Chargers are good enough foranother division crown, but between Antonio Gates holding out, Drew Breeslooking over his shoulder, and Marty Schotenheimer in a playoff game, playoffsis all you’re going to get.

Kansas City Chiefs (9-7) – The Chiefs set themselves up for a freefall lastseason. After a 13-3 season that saw many offensive records shattered, the barwas set so high that not even tight end Tony Gonzalez could dunk a footballthrough it. Priest Holmes’ strained MCL only lessened the hope for a teamtrying to cope with their obvious lack of defense. The defense isn’t anybetter, but the Priest is back in the cathedral known as Arrowhead, and thatshould be enough for slight improvement. Regardless, it’s a sad day when DanteHall is no longer the Gatorade commercial that he used to be. Oh, and TrentGreen something something something.

Denver Broncos (8-8) – Ashley Lelie and Rod Smith give unpredictable andinconsistent signal caller Jake Plummer some options. Every year a new playersteps into and runs to glory in the altitude. 2005 should be no different, although it would be a bit much to expect that guy to be Maurice Clarett this year (Especially since he's about to get cut, the bastard - Dan). The Broncos downfall will be their defensive line’s eerie resemblance to the 2003 Browns, with the exception of Trevor Pryce, who missed 14 games last year with an ACL injury. Hopefully, stalwart second-year linebacker D.J. Williams will be able to hit hard enough to mitigate the mess.

Oakland Raiders (7-9) – It’s not whether or not these silver and black pirateswill find any booty. It’s whether they’ll find it at the strip club or the football field. And will Al Davis be there? Just kidding, Al, please don’t fire me. Not that I’m working for you, but I’m sure you could find a way. Randy Moss admitted to getting high. Good for him. He’ll find plenty of greenery in Oak-town. Who cares? He’s in camp, as is Warren Sapp, who surprisingly hasn’t ruined Jon Gruden’s career yet. Jerry Porter and newly-acquired Lamont Jordan will help the offense put up some serious digits, although Kerry Collins will make sure those digits aren’t too gaudy. But will the defense back that ass up? Eish.

Remember, all that stuff in bold is from the mind of one Fitzjacob "LB" Appleman, so if you wanna hate, he's the one to hate. But, should you find yourself with the desire to hunt him down and inflict bodily harm upon him (not really sure why you would, but hey, just throwing it out there), you better be quick, cuz he's jetting off to Spain in the coming days.

But not before he gives us his NFC preview and his selections for who takes the AFC and NFC chips along with the whole fucking show, tomorrow. I know you can't wait...

Do Bloggers Get Writers Block?

2005-08-28T23:11:00.000-04:00

It wouldn't seem like it (in fact, it seems that writers block would be anathma to the medium of blogging, given that you can literally just spew out anything-- whether anyone else chooses to read it of course being quite another thing), but I think I did there for a second.

If you're cynical you'd call it plain old laziness.

Nevertheless, I do have some things planned, including the first ever MSF Guest Post (oooh!), but I figured I'd slide back into the ether of blogdom with something easy. Like a new meme I picked up from Leafblower's.

I mean really, asking me to rant about 10 songs from my iTunes library that I happen to be playing alot of right now? That's right in my wheelhouse. So let's get started, shall we?

Sia - Breathe Me - Now, I don't even watch Six Feet Under. But this song alone is making me wish I did, just so I could have achieved the same apparently cathartic insane emotional experience that everyone else did last Sunday and wrap it up in this song (damn near every blog I read Monday morning was writing about it and screaming for an mp3. As usual, Stereogum came through). But as I said, I don't watch Six Feet Under, so I'm just gonna have to deal with the fact that this song is a sweeping piece of melancholic beauty (if that makes sense) that surgically implanted itself into my head this weekend. (Note: the Everything Ends soundtrack also has a hot new Arcade Fire song and a mediocre new Interpol joint).

Autolux - Turnstile Blues - Ok, I saw the video for this song a while back and totally dug the song. I thought it was the Squeak E. Clean song, because to me the drummer looked like Karen O. Anywho, finally caught the video again last week, and this song has been bumping constantly ever sense. I know some people really liked Future Perfect, but I think it's kind of uneven. Nevertheless, this song rocks.

Rilo Kiley - Pictures of Success - "Portions For Foxes" continued a trend that began with this song: That of me only really liking one song per album. This is pretty much the only song I really care anything about off Takeoffs and Landings, and lately I've been going back to it recently. It's a really simple song, but damn catchy. I have no real idea what the Hell Jenny Lewis is singing about ("I could learn world trade/ Or try to map the ocean," "I've had it with you/ And Mexico can fucking wait/ And all those French films about trains"? Huh?), but she sounds damn good doing it. It does tend to freak people out when youre going through the apartment singing "It must be nice to finish when you're dead" quietly to yourself...

Secret Lives of the Freemasons - To The Baricades! Primarily because I might be the only person left who still gives a shit about Glassjaw (or in some cases ever did to begin with). And these guys do a wonderful imitation of Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Silence. The only reason I even had any interest in this band was because Thursday's Geoff Rickley put it out on his new label Astro Magnetics. This song is kinda catchy, and as I said, I really like Glassjaw.

Cartel - Fleets - It's fitting that I jacked this off the Leafblower, since he tipped me off to this song as well. It's a great, groovy, melodic bastard that gets stuck in your head. I actually bought the EP, and it's not bad. I really should try and catch these guys when they play around here at some point.

Secret Machines - Better Bring Your Friends - I was late to the party on these guys, having left their CD sitting around, largely unlistened to for a long time. Finally, I gave Now Here Is Nowhere a proper listen, and totally dug it. Their new The Road Leads Where It's Led EP, with the cover of Van's "Astral Weeks" which I bet my mom would find at least marginally interesting, has me salivating for their follow up. Nevertheless, this new original is a stomper that I've been playing a lot of in the last few months.

Atmosphere - Jackin' Yo Freaks - I found this little gem on The Low End Theory through a link from Catchdubs. Those that know me know that I love me some Atmosphere, and you're telling me that Slug comes out battlin' and angry as he jacks every beat Mr. Dibbs throw as him, even appropriating the flows of N.W.A. and Aesop Rock among others. Hot fucking shit. Can't wait for You Can't Imagine How Much Fun Were Having in October. (And yeah, if you wanna say that I like Atmosphere so much simply because I prefer my emo to come equipped with booming beats and witty punchlines rather than sounding like the Promise Ring, well... you wouldn't be wrong. Just sayin'...)

Jim Jones feat. Jha Jha, Paul Wall and P. Diddy - What You Drinkin' On Hey, this track was made before the whole name change thing, so I can still feel free to drop the P. And hey, memo to "Diddy": Enough with the fucking name changes, ok? I didn't care about you when you were Sean Combs, Sean "Puffy" Combs, Puff Daddy, or P. Diddy, either. Amazingly, the wackness that is Puffy doesn't completely destroy this track, thanks to a tight little beat and nice lil' cameo from Paul Wall (the combination of The People's Champ and the Dipset works again!). All in all, Harlem: Diary of a Summer isn't Purple Haze, but it sure as hell ain't nearly as bad as the dapper gentleman pictured above. (I know that Doug Reinhardt mentions it in the comments, but it bears repeating: The only G-Unit record since Get Rich or Die Tryin' worth a shit has been from the dude that got kicked out the camp. Coincidence?)

Kanye West feat. Cam'ron and Consequence - Gone - I'm gonna weigh in on the whole Late Registration debate later on in the week-- I'm still giving absorbing it, particularly in the car-- but I can tell this: It sure as shit ain't no Five Star classic, alright? Anywho, its obvious that if I'm picking any track from the new Kanye, it's gonna be the one with Killa on it. DIP SET DIP SET DIP SET!

And oh yeah...Suge Knight got shot at a Kanye Party. How fucked is that guy? Is he even still alive anymore? Or has Suge Knight really lost his fastball?

Dangerdoom feat. Ghostface - The Mask - Anyone who liked that new Gorillaz album (I personally think it's eh, myself) or I guess The Grey Album should check this out. Throw in M.F. Doom's crazy flow over Dangermouse beats and a loose Aqua Teen Hunger Force theme, and The Mouse and The Mask ain't half bad. Throw in a Ghostface verse, and you've got funky freshness.

So there ya go! And I know I made mention of this earlier, but the comments on the last post might not have made much sense. Essentially, what happens is I go on Doug's great site and drop a comment. He'll then come here and drop a comment here. So, if you wanna know what the fuck we're talking about, you gotta read Skeet On Mischa (which you probably should be anyway).

Anywho, coming up tomorrow, the first guest post in this lil' blogs short history. Holla atcha boy.

Now I KNOW I've Made It....

2005-08-02T21:42:00.000-04:00

That's right kids, I'm not dead. Just trying to avoid starving (or sweating to death) out here in Alexandria, VA.

But as for my subject line... I know I've made it when I get a shout out on
Skeetonmischa! Really, I can die happy now (and yes, that Clipse track is ridiculous, I highly suggest you track it down post haste).

And as for why I've been gone so long, you might ask? Honestly, I haven't had anything worth saying. I mean, Jane has had the whole Karl Rove/Treasongate sewn up something fierce, it's not even worth trying to compare. Same goes for Matt and the boys at 1115 in regards to John Roberts in particular and my rising frustration with the Democratic party lack of spine in general.

Throw in the fact that I haven't really heard any records that have really got my pistons firing enough to sit down and write about, and oh yeah, I've been actually trying to get employed and thus save my ever dwindling bank balance from extermination, and I'm fresh out.

I was looking to this Sunday for some retribution, as my grand re-entrance into blogdom, as once again it was my favorite day of the year. What would that be, you ask? Major League Baseball's Trading Deadline! Yes, just like Leafblower's favorite day of the year is the NBA Draft, traditionally mine has been the insanity of the trade deaedline. But this year, what'd we get? A whole lot of NOTHING! Except for the Manny Ramirez rumors (which I was salivating over Friday night, but also realized it would never happen because the Red Sox as a team would have to be high on PCP to make that trade, as my idol articulated), there was nothing going on.

So, once again, your boy was left with nothing worth writing about. And believe me, I'm not even gonna waste my breath writing about Raffy Palmeiro either, because that's just too damn easy.

Who knows? Maybe I'm just suffering from blog depression...

What's Rockin' Yer iPod?

2005-07-12T16:02:00.000-04:00

You know, back when I actually had a job and had money (or, to be more precise, back before Napster and mp3 file trading), my favorite day of the week used to be Tuesday. Yes, Tuesday, not Friday or Saturday, but Tuesday. Why?

Tuesday is the day that new records are released (although I must give a shout out to my old school haunt The Vinyl in Port Chester, which straight didn't give a fuck and stocked new records as early as Friday-- so best). Being the music dork I am, walking into the record store on a Tuesday afternoon after school used to bring me so much joy, as it meant I was only minutes away from discovering some new grooves and rockin' out to some new tunes. Now, of course with the internet, the whole mystique of Tuesday's and release dates has kind of waned a bit (and I am just as guilty of this as the next dude).

Nevertheless, seeing as how today, July 12, you can find several interesting releases landing on the shelves of your local music provider, I figured I'd do a little run down and see what the rest of you out in the blogtopia are interested in rockin on the iPod, bumping in the car, or throwing on that next mixtape for the significant other. Without further ado...

So, as we all know, the new hot spot in hip hop is Houston, TX. The H-Town sound has already produced one platinum rapper/overnight celebrity in Mike Jones, and now the true Boss Hog of the Swishahouse set, Slim Thug, steps to the plate with Already Platinum. Now, I haven't heard this yet, but given that 1) Most hardcore Houston heads will tell you Slim Thug is infinitely more talented than Mike Jones (or fellow "Still Tippin" collaborator Paul Wall, who's The People's Champion drops next month) and 2) The Neptunes are backing this (granted, the 'Tunes have kinda fallen off in the last year or so, and are certainly nowhere near where they were 3-4 years ago, when every beat that leaked out of their VA studio was an absolute bear), I have a feeling Slim's gonna be hauling a platinum plaque or two back to Houston in the next few months.

Perhaps you're not on the Southern tip, but you've cast your allegiance with the crew that is rapidly making every internet rap nerd (and this blogger included) forget G-Unit, Harlem's own Diplomats (peep "Diplomats Week" if you don't believe me) who hit you with Diplomats & Duke Da God Present: Dipset More Than Music, Volume One. More Than Music aspires to clue any remaining non-believers in to what the Dip Set Movement has been doing, and letting new comers like Hell Rell and J.R. Writer get some shine alongside seasoned vets like Cam, Juelz, and Jim Jones. Now, if you took my advice and went out and got that Memorial Day mixtape I raved about a few weeks ago, you've already heard alot of the jams on here, but there's enough stuff on here--particularly the extremely wicked "Somebody's Gotta Die Tonight" (who knew wood winds could be so damn menacing?) by Cam'ron (and innane yelling by Freaky Zeeky on the outro). My only beef: Where the fuck is "Eye of the Beholder (Get 'Em Daddy)" (which I've also written about in the past), quite possibly my favorite Cam joint ever!?

Hey, maybe hip hop's just not your thing, period. Maybe you enjoy shaking your ass to big fat dance grooves, yeah? Well, then you must go out and grab a copy of the new disc from the Iranian-born, DC-bred house music kings Deep Dish, George Is On. If you downloaded the essential mix I posted on this site a few weeks back, you've already heard most of the songs in some form or another, but the boys do a good job of straddling the line between club shakers and more meditative home listening joints, seamlessly flowing from one to the next. Standout tracks include the Stevie Nicks assisted Fleetwood Mac remake "Dreams," "Sergio's Theme," "Say Hello," "Flashdance," and "No Stopping For Nicotine," among others.

Along the same lines, if you're looking for more groovy party tunes, look no further than Royksopp's new one, The Understanding. The debut album from these Norweigan masters of downtempo, Melody A.M., was pretty damn good, and Understanding upps the ante. It's not all "Poor Leno"-styled downtempo this time out, but even some certifiable discerning dance floor bangers to be found as well. Don't believe me? Even snooty ass Pitchfork likes it (proving that yes, it's ok all you indie kids, you can actually, ya know, dance from time to time-- seriously, it won't kill you, give it a whirl). I've only listened to this once so far, but I can tell you that "Alpha Male" is eight minutes of gorgeous grooviness.

I tried to find an interesting rock release that dropped this week to round everything out, but the only thing that really caught my attention is The Tain EP by the Decemberists. So, you're just gonna have to keep rockin' out to Sufjan Stevens, The Whipe Stripes, Clap Your Hands Say Yeah! or whatever else it is that's been making your morning commute a little bit easier. That is, unless you live in the new England area, which means you're probably getting your hair done up in cornrows and rocking out to Bronson Arroyo's Clearing The Bases.

So, dear reader, what interests you about this magical summer Tuesday? Or, more generally, what's been rockin' your socks recently? (And if you're suspecting that this was all a cheap ploy to generate some more comments from you people-- ding ding ding! You get a gold star on your nose! Perhaps if I get more comments on a regular basis, I wouldn't have to resort to cheap tricks like this... think about it!).

P.S. If you're looking for the grooviest mp3 I've heard in months, go here. It almost sounds like someone gave DJ Shadow a bottle of cough syrup and a DJ Screw tape, then dared him to fuck with Endtroducing, and he got through five and a half minutes before passing out into a sizzurp coma. Maybe not, maybe I'm reaching... but seriously, just go download it, you'll thank me later. (Shout to Music (For Robots))

London Calling

2005-07-07T13:06:00.000-04:00

I'll be back with more of my normal frivolity and oddball ranting later today or tomorrow, but right now, it just doesn't seem appropriate. I woke up this morning, all set to write some cover letters and continue my search for employment in our Nation's Capital, only to learn that we can now tragically add London and England to the ever growing list of cities/countries which have been struck by an Al Qaeda organization which only seems to be growing stronger and more emboldened.

Think about it: One day after London wins the bid for the 2012 Olympics, four bombs rip through Subway cars and a doubledecker bus. It reminds me once again just how scary and well-coordinated Al Qaeda truly is. And it also makes me wonder whether London was the target all along, or if they were sleeper cells deployed in each of the five competing cities, with only the London cell getting the green light after the announcement? If Paris had gotten the bid yesterday, would we be reading about the tragedy in Paris this morning rather than London? I have just about zero doubt that there are sleeper cells in New York or Paris, Al Qaeda's been active in Madrid before, and it wouldn't surprise me if they've gone so far as to extend to Moscow (although I don't know how that would help their objectives, the global reach of Al Qaeda and it's variously affiliated branches no longer perplexes me, but simply frightens me).

I don't know. I'm in shock. All I do know is that I agree with my buddies at 1115.org: "It's time to stop playing games and produce Bin Laden."

"London calling to the faraway towns
Now war is declared - and battle come down
London calling to the underworld
Come out of the cupboard, you boys and girls..."
- The Clash

UPDATE: Once again, I find myself agreeing with the boys over at 1115.org (rapidly becoming one of my daily reads, along with the always brilliant firedoglake) when they say this:

"Is this supposed to inspire confidence:
The U.S. government raised the terrorism alert level for buses, subways and trains across the United States on Thursday in the wake of deadly bombings in London but said it expected no similar attack in the United States.
[Homeland Security Secretary Michael] Chertoff earlier said, “The Department of Homeland Security does not have any intelligence indicating this type of attack is planned in the United States.”
Unless the U.S. government is implying that the U.K. government did expect or have intelligence on today’s attacks, the above statements are completely meaningless. The Bush administration has no shame about using fear as a weapon, but at the same time they issue statements saying that they have it under control. And why is it that the vast majority of Bush supporters live in areas where terrorism isn’t much of a threat and the large metropolises where attacks are much more likely want him gone?"

Yeah, and for all everyone wants to talk about raising alert levels and focusing more on mass transit and this being a "wake up call" and what not... shouldn't we have woken up to this possibility March 11, 2004? Or perhaps from the scores of bus bombings that have occured in Israel? The fact that we needed a day like this to "wake up" to the fact that Al Qaeda (or anyone else for that matter) might attack subway cars, buses, or trains is fucking laughable. Any idiot could have told you that mass transit would be a target-- hell, any idiot can tell you that Al Qaeda will use any and all weapons it can get their hands on to make their points and kill people.
Over at TPM Cafe, Greg Anrig, Jr. makes similiar points.

You know, it's all well and good that we respond and try to act tough, do everything in our power to stop these things from happening again... but at the end of the day, we're still playing defense. We're still responding and reacting, and allowing Al Qaeda control-- control of targets, timing, everything. And so I return to what I said earlier today:

Get fucking Bin Laden.

I know enough about Al Qaeda to know that should we ever get Osama, Al Qaeda and the threat it represents doesn't just disappear (and in the near term, it probably increases the threat due to retaliatory violence by sleeper cells). But you get Osama, you get his lieuteneunts, and then you've got something.

"And why is it that the vast majority of Bush supporters live in areas where terrorism isn’t much of a threat and the large metropolises where attacks are much more likely want him gone?"

You know, being that I lived in New York up until last month, this is something that I've always wondered. When Lincoln, Nebraska gets hit with massive terrorist strikes, we can talk terrorism, pals.

(P.S. As you can see, I figured out how to post photos here. It really wasn't that hard-- all it took was discovering the "Add A Photo" button on Blogger. Amazing! I'm an idiot. In any event, you can expect some photo fun to be popping up on this page more in the future, now that I know-- and knowing is half the battle).

FURTHER UPDATE: Just found thisfrom Londonist:

"Yeah, they hit us. But we didn't go down. Londonist's sympathies go to the victims, and we like to think of the hot sweat that is breaking out across the brows of a fair few terrorist nutters right now - we're coming for you, you fuckers."

Reminds me of how I felt on 9/11. That's the right attitude to have-- hold your head, London. (Props to The Fiddler for orginally pointing me to this link.)

Real Super Quick

2005-06-28T00:47:00.000-04:00

Hey y'all. I'm toying around with an idea (and by "toying around," I mean simply thinking about it and considering it) for a much more substantial column to be posted later. Last night, as I battled a bout of insomnia, I read Thomas P.M. Barnet's article "Old Man In A Hurry," on Donald Rumself and his transformation of the American military, in the July 2005 issue of Esquire, and it got me thinking. I've been mulling it over, and there may be some kind of a critique/response/rant using that as a jump off at some point in the not so distant future. Not promising anything, just saying (and if anyone wants to read the article and discuss it with me, that'd be sweet too. You know how to get at me)...

But I wanted to call attention real fast to letter from Nike, retracting their "Major Threat" campaign which ripped off Minor Threat.

Basically, they blow smoke up Minor Threat's and Dischords asses (and even manage to take the blame off of their advertising agencies!) for two paragraphs, and then they get to the most important bits:

"Every effort has been made to to remove and dispose of all flyers (both print and digital). Again, Nike Skateboarding apologizes to Minor Threat and Dischord Records."

That was pretty goddamn fast. I'm impressed, Nike.

Congrats

2005-06-24T01:15:00.000-04:00

Congrats to the Spurs for stopping Detroit from winning two titles in a row. For the entire nation that doesn't live in Michigan, I say thank you. As cool as Rash-Weed is, I hate Detroit (except for the Red Wings, who have a soft spot in my heart thanks to many hours of my formative years spent playing NHL '94PA on Sega Genesis, wreckin' kids with Steve Yzerman, Sergei Federov, and Bob Probert).

And as a thank you to Tim Duncan, Manu Ginobili, Tony Parker, Big Cock Rob Horry, Greg Popogich and the rest of the Spurs, I'm giving you a present.

Wanna hear the joint that will eventually get the Game shot?

Listen to this.

RELATED: Read Uncle Grambo's quarter-by quarter analysis of Game 7. Even though I said I hate Detroit, I understand where he's coming from. If by some miracle the Mets get into the playoffs or even are competitive (Hello? Carlos Beltran? Yeah, I'm looking in your direction), you'll probably be seeing something similiar from me.

UPDATE: My roommate Bryon, after I sent him "300 Bars & Running," posted this as his away message:
"Auto response from (2:17:28 AM): "the game dropped 300 bars and he wants a new beef?fuck that bitch, I'll slap him till his vag goes quief!Just cuz he's from the west he thinks he's the new pac?come to alexandria, son, i'll school you on my new block."(note: five greatest rappers of all time: bry-on, bry-on, bry-on, bry-on and bry-on!)"
And he wanted to make sure I recognized this:
"(2:18:39 AM): and make sure to mention that the reference to "my block" from the E-L-I K-W-I-N-T"
There ya go, for those that know. For the three people that understand that joke, holla back. For those that don't, go watch the Chapelle's show Season 2 DVD and get to know your super underground Connecticut hip hop.

Since we're here and all.... on a completely different note, there is one track that has been blowing my fucking mind right now.

Deep Dish - Say Hello (Dylan Rhymes Acid Thunder Mix)

Oh shit, does this mean your boy is back into house (or "dance," if youi prefer)? It just might be, in part to this two hour jumpoff that's full of fire.

Deep Dish - Essential Mix 06-19-05

Are you a fan of Fleetwood Mac? Know that song "Dreams"? Yeah, download this and fast forward to 1:18:45 and listen until 1;29:00. Hot shit right? Yeah, you know what's even cooler? That's not a sample. Stevie Nicks went in to the studio for a few days with the Irianian house music kings to record that. How hot is that shit?

And since we're still here (and because I just figured out how to post music files on this site!), why don't I hit you with this, the joint that started my re-interest in Deep Dish (and house music in general-- oddly enough, the only reason I downloaded this song was because it was feautred in a Yoshitoshi email I just happened to open):

Deep Dish - Flashdance

"Uh-oh. Happy learned how to put."
- Happy Gilmore

Hostile Takeover

2005-06-23T18:22:00.000-04:00

Just read this Pitchfork report on Nike's co-opting the artwork of legendary hardcore punk band Minor Threat for their new Nike skateboarding East Coast tour, dubbed "Major Threat" (Get it? So witty, those swooshy bastards!). If you click the link and compare the images (I really do need to figure out how to post pictures, don't I? I mean, it can't be that hard, can it?), you'll notice two differences: the color has been changed from red to blue, and the word "Minor" has been changed to "Major." That's it!

Let me tell you: This is complete bullshit.

I know that punk rock stopped being relevant and truly rebellious somewhere around the time I was bar mitzvah'ed, and I know that corporate culture circa 2005 holds absolutely nothing sacred, no matter how important or iconic it may be to some, but this is crossing the line. Some might even say that Nike, in this instance, is behaving as a "habitual line-stepper," if you were so inclined.

And you know what the bitch of it is? Minor Threat isn't even getting paid! From the Pitchfork report:
"No, they stole it and we're not happy about it. Nike is a giant corporation which is attempting to manipulate the alternative skate culture to create an even wider demand for their already ubiquitous brand. Nike represents just about the antithesis of what Dischord stands for and it makes me sick to my stomach to think they are using this explicit imagery to fool kids into thinking that the general ethos of this label, and Minor Threat in particular, can somehow be linked to Nike's mission. It's disgusting," a representative from Dischord Records (Minor Threat's label) said.

How can that be? I'm no lawyer (perhaps I should consult my parents, who are indeed lawyers, about this-- feel free to enlighten us in the comments, Mom and Pop!), but that's gotta be illegal, just to up and straight up steal someone's artwork, right? My first thought was that Dischord should sue the shit out of them, but then I realized that Dischord is a tiny, DIY punk label, and Nike is a huge corporation with its tentacles in everything. Swoosh lawyers would manipulate and maneuver, and at the end of the day, Nike would probably end up owning it's own boutique punk label on legal fees alone.

Now, as I said, I realize that the true punk rock, challenge everything, DIY spirit died a long time ago. Most people's perceptions of punk rock are bands like Green Day and Blink-182, bands that cover themselves in tattoos and piercings and utter punk rock quote-by-numbers in the media to dress their flimsy little pop songs up in edgy, punk rock clothing. I know that the individualistic spirit of punk died when the first Hot Topic store opened.

Except that didn't happen for Minor Threat, and Dischord. Dischord still do everything DIY, from the production of the records, to the touring, to the distribution. Sure, you can buy Dischord records in most major retail chain stores nowadays, but if you flip to the back, you'll notice a little sign that says "This record available for $10 post paid." Minor Threat frontman Ian McKaye went on to form Fugazi, a much beloved band famous for charging a measly $5 for tickets to their shows. These guys still believe in the ideals that sound so great at age 14 when you first discover punk rock, yet usually get discarded by the age of 20 after the Real World has slapped you on your ass.

And that's why I'm so pissed off by this. Nike co-opted an image which stands for something much more than a simple band when they ripped off Minor Threat. They co-opted a culture, a belief system, an ideology that represents a great deal to many people. It's almost as if Nike sat down and said "Let's find an image that is the exact opposite of us, an image that resonates with a large number of people, and fuck with it, just because we can." As Dischord themselves notes, this is the very antithesis of what Dischord and Minor Threat represent. And indeed, it is disgusting.

Ian McKaye and Minor Threat once declared "I'm seeing red."

Well, right now, so am I.

Back In The Building

2005-06-21T12:59:00.000-04:00

Your boy back on his hustle, like Dame, Puffy, and Russell...
- Kanye West

Your boy back in the building, yes I is!

OK, I know it's been a minute or two since I did this whole blogging thing, but like I warned y'all, life's thrown your boy a few curveballs over the last few weeks, and a few of 'em were of the 10-6, fallin' off a table variety, but I'm hangin' in there, foulin' 'em off, still battling. Basic life recap: This post is coming to you directly from my bedroom in Alexandria, VA. Still don't have a job, but I'm on the grind, hoping for a sprinkle of good look or two in the nearness.

Anywho... since I haven't done this in a minute, I'm just gonna run down a few things, scattershot style, that have been on my mind, and then hopefully we can get back to regular posting (and by regular, I hopefully mean more than one post every two weeks-- you'd think I was deliberately trying to destroy any traffic I have/had!).

-- Phil Jackson returns to the Lakers. Boy, I really wish someone gave me a cool $30 million to smoothe over a "psychological war," which is what Phil got to kiss and make up with Kobe. Nice scratch if you can get it, and I guess if you're gonna drive yourself crazy, $10 mil a year is a good price.

If I were Phil, I woulda thrown my hat into the ring as the Cavs coach. I mean, can you imagine a better player to run the triangle offense through than a still on the come up LeBron? LeBron not only has the same skill set as Kobe, but he actually likes to pass, something on which the triangle is predicated. If you resign Biz Z, you've got your poor mans Shaq, and you go get Michael Redd or Ray Allen, and you're in business. Maybe it's just because I'm a LeBron jock rider, but I've got to figure that nucleus is closer to winning a championship than the current Lakers team is.

Phil's definitely got quite a mission on his hands if he wants to pass Red and win his 10th title. But hey, it coulda been worse-- he could've taken the Knicks job. And, as much as I would've loved to have seen that, you can file that under "Career Suicide." (On a side note: I've seen some mock drafts which have the Knicks taking a PF, usually one from Europe. While I realize that the Knicks need all the help they can get, do we really need another PF? I mean, didn't Isiah trade for every power forward under the sun this year? Can we get a swingman or two, please? I'd pay to see Isiah's face when Nazr Mohammed wins a ring tonight in San Antonio and he realizes that he traded him for Malik Rose, a useful guy but one who would have gotten exactly zero crunch time burn for the Spurs in the playoffs).

--Record Industry Continues To Shoot Itself In The Foot.

What a brillaint idea! Never mind that mixtapes have promoted artists as diverse as 50 Cent and M.I.A. and helped them, ya know, actually sell records-- SHUT IT DOWN! I've talked about mixtapes before, so y'all know how I feel about them. I just can't believe that the record industry has been handed this golden grassroots marketing tool, and yet they feel they've got to shut it down. Just another classic case of the record industry scrambling and making the wrong move. Why am I not surprised in the least?

-- Various Music Ramblings

OK, so I know that it may be somewhat cliche for your humble blogger to mention this, and that every cool blogger is already up on thangz, but I've gotta say: That Dipset Memorial Day Mixtape is straight FIRE! Seriously, I don't know how many times I"ve bumped this the past two weeks, but it is absolutely ridiculous. There's so much niceness, I don't even know where to begin-- Cam'ron's "Get 'Em Daddy," Juelz with Fabolous "So What's It Gon Be," Juelz with Paul Wall "We Don't Give a Fuck," Juelz ripping "Wait (The Whisper Song)" on "See My Clip," new Jim Jones jumpoffs, this thing has everything.

I used to really not like the Dips, but slowly, they're becoming one of my favorite rap crews.

Related: Ok, so I know that alot of people have been jockin' the new Sleater-Kinney record for a minute now. But, as someone who's been down with the SK since Call The Doctor, at first I wasn't feeling The Woods. However, after several listens, I can now tell you: Expect The Woods to show up on my top records of the year list somewhere.

At first, I was definitely missing the old Sleater-Kinney grooves that had seemingly been replaced by the "sludge" or "drone" or some other rock critic type word that is featured on The Woods. It took me several listens to realize that the grooves are still there, they're just not as obvious before, and that the girls have indeed taken on a more rocking (dare I say "heavyy"?) sound. All you gotta do is listen to the beginning of "The Fox," with the rollicking drums and crunchy guitars, and you know that it's different, yet still so good.

Don't believe me? Listen to this lil live set and judge for yourself.

Quick Little Musical Thoughts Before I Bounce: "Old School Hollywood," by System Of A Down, might be the best commercial rock song to come out this year so far. If I was an executive at American Recordings (and oh, how I wish I was, if only because I'd get to kick it with Rick Rubin and his bison), I'd make this the next single and watch it absolutely blow the doors off radio. I mean, the grooves? The vicoder on the vocals? The awe-inspiring guitar crunch? Everytime I play this song (at obnoxious volume, obviously), my roommates fear that I'm gonna destroy our apartment (and they might be right). Hypnotize will also have a slot on my Year In Review list, that is if Hypnotize doesn't come out and blow it away (as the band swears it will).

And since we're on the topic of commercial rock monsters, I don't quite know how I feel about Out of Exile, the new one from Audioslave. On one hand, you've gotta be docked serious points for writing a song as cheesy as "Be Yourself," but on the other, you can't front on Tom Morello's guitar pyrotechnics. Maybe it's just that I miss Zack and the dynamic that Rage had, but there are definitely times that Chris Cornell just straight up annoys me on this album. I will say, though, that I can't seem to get the guitar solo of "Yesterday to Tomorrow" out of my head. It's not your usual bombastic Tom Morello airraid-siren-wailing-fire-raining-from-the-sky, but maybe that's why it appeals to me, because it's unexpected. It's also just straight up beautiful, and as I said, I just can't dislodge it from my head.

If anything, Out of Exile does alot to move the band away from the "Hey. that's a Rage track, with Chris Cornell singing instead of Zack rapping!" dynamic, and moves them towards a more cohesive sound, a more distinctive Audioslave sound, rather than simply "RATM+Soundgarden= Audioslave" equation, and that's definitely a good thing.

One Last Thing: Wanna hear a "a seminal throwaway B-side" from the Pixies? Of course you do. The best part is indeed Black Francis' moaning "Theme From Narc" throughout the song, as noted by Pher.

Alright kids, I gotta go find a job or something. But I'll be back, haunting your dreams and providing the soundtracks to your nightmares again in no time (I swear to God, no more two week lapses!). Show the kid some love in the comments.

Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

2005-06-07T12:42:00.000-04:00

So, I returned home to NY (home for a blessed few more days only, but we'll get to that in a minute) from Las Vegas late Friday night, and only just now am I getting a chance to post a recap of the events. It has taken this long partially because I needed the time to recuperate mentally and physically, but also because I just had to attend the Mets-Giants doubleheader on Sunday afternoon, and well... I'm lazy. Anywho...

You know that shit they say about what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas? Definitely true. I mean, when you've got six red blooded American males between the ages of 22 and 24 running around Las Vegas... we'll, you're gonna have some interesting times. Definitely things that I'll remember for the rest of my life, some things I probably wish I didn't remember, and a few things that only five other people will ever know about.

The best part about the trip? Just getting a chance to ball out with five of my best friends. It was an amazingly fun trip, but it also did a lot to solidify and strengthen relationships with people who I was already strong friends with. So many laughs, so many crazy times, so many moments to remember... it was just terrific. I read Hunter S. Thompson's Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas for the first time on the plane ride over, and it was definitely a good introduction to the insanity and ridiculiousness that awaited me upon touchdown in Nevada.

Any kind of recap or write up is going to wind up leaving out alot of things, so I apologize in advance. Nevertheless, I'm gonna try and sum up a few key points of the trip here as best I can. Here are some of the highlights:

-- Gambling. The first night, I played poker at Mandalay Bay (where we were staying) and found myself up $175. Not bad, right? Too bad that was the only luck I had on the trip. After that, I lost $100 playing Poker with a bunch of goddamn pricks at Bally's, and lost many dollars at many different casino's playing Blackjack. It was so frustrating to watch my friends get lucky and rake in the dough at Blackjack, only to have me slide in and routinely get 3-4's and busted 22's. You know it's bad when you've lost a hundred bucks before the waitress returns to the table with your free beer or extremely watered down cranberry vodka! All in all, I managed to lose around $300 gambling, including a busted $15 bet on the Mets. On the brightside, I did manage to stay away from those nickel slots (thanks for the tip Jane, although I don't know how much that helped me!), so I got that going for me, which is nice.

-- The food. We ate at some spectacular restaurants. The first night we ate at Aureole, which was mouthwateringly awesome. The decor was impeccable, the wine list extensive, and the food absolutely scrumptious. I realized that we were in Vegas when we sat down at a restaurant called Aureole (supposedly meaning a flash of light or something) and I looked at my plate to find a little circle smack dab in the middle of the plate, giving it the appearance of, well... an aureole (Get it? I admit to stealing that joke from my boy Matt. If you found it funny, thank him. If you didn't, blame him). Charlie Palmer's steakhouse and Emeril's fish restaurant were also incredible, and I did enjoy eating at Red Square as well (if only because I ordered a drink concoction dubbed Chernobyl, and had to make the inevitable joke about already having had a meltdown). I also couldn't hate on the Kobe beef burger I had at the Burger Bar either... all in all, your boy ate real, real nice on this trip.

-- The women. My Lord, it seemed like every time I turned around, there was one beautiful woman after another passing me by. And it's not like all of those women worked in Vegas... these were the fellow tourists and Casino dwellers such as myself, looking dressed to the nines and ready to kill. I thought NY in the summertime was great... but all you can say about Vegas is WOW. It's almost worth going to Vegas just to people watch.

-- The vibe. It shouldn't come as a surprise to you, but everything in Vegas is focused on having a good time and making sure you have fun. As such, the vibe is usually pretty good, especially at a blackjack table that is playing together and winning. But even away from the tables and the Casinos, having fun is clearly priority number one in that town, and it shows. It's almost impossible to have a bad time, especially when you've got your five best friends flanking you on either side and watching to make sure you don't get in to too much trouble (or, in some cases, opening the door and inviting trouble right on in!).

My only regrets? Not popping Cristal as we'd planned (just so I can be like Jay-Z for a precious few moments), and not taking any pictures (guess the memories will have to stay burned into the brain, rather than on my shitty disposable camera).

However, next time I return, I'm only gonnna go for a long weekend. Five days and four nights was a kind of long time, and it definitely took its toll. On Friday, I told everyone that it was a good thing we were living that afternoon, because if we stayed any longer, the city might have killed me. It was that intense (and that much of a financial drain!).

IN OTHER NEWS: At the end of this week, I will be turning my back on my beloved New York and moving to Alexandria, Virginia. I am hoping to find a job in Washington, D.C., doing writing and research and/or working on political campaigns. While this move frightens me, it is something that I feel I have to undertake at this point in my life. I am excited yet nervous at the same time, and the idea of putting your entire life into boxes is extremely daunting. However, if anyone reading this knows of any good spots to go to, people to talk to, or just general ideas to help, it would be much appreciated.

As such, it may be til the end of this week before I get back to fully operational status and resume posting on this blog with any kind of regularity. Just bear with me, and you'll soon be receiving that MSF goodness you know and love, broadcasted to you live from my apartment in Alexandria.

Wish me luck.

Viva Las Vegas!

2005-05-30T09:31:00.000-04:00

Ok, I have to run to catch a plane to Las Vegas, so this will be quick. Nevertheless, I apologize for not writing in a while. Last week I was down in Washington D.C./Virginia, looking for apartments with my two soon to be roommates and was living with someone who inexplicably did not have internet access in their apartment. Got home Saturday night late, heading out to Vegas this morning. So, that is why you haven't seen anything new from me.

If all goes according to plan, you'll see some new stuff from me Saturday, but we'll see.

Have a good week y'all, and pray I don't lose my shirt in the City of Sin!

I Hate My Generation, YEAH!

2005-05-22T02:23:00.000-04:00

Disco music from the 1970's, as well as something my father said to me a long time ago which for some reason I remembered tonight, got me thinking.

See, as a buddy and I drove home from a friends apartment tonight, we happened to be listening to Paul Oakenfold and his special brand of anthemic cheese, and it for some reason reminded me of something my Dad had said to me a few years back, when I was a disciple of Sasha and Digweed and anything Twilo-approved. He had said to me that he didn't get dane music, he didn't understand how the music that I told him was "dance" music was designed to make you, ya know, dance. He couldn't imagine himself dancing to it or even remotely considering it dance music.

And this for some reason led me to reason that my generation was the first generation to have music packaged specifically as dance music. Think about it-- back in the day, every song had to be "dance music" (i.e., something you could dance to, preferably slow with your lady friend), and it was called simply rock and roll. What about that often quoted line from that music choice show my parents used to watch growing up-- "It had a good beat, and I could dance to it." Those were your standard criteria for getting a song played, period. There wasn't a style of music played specifically for clubs, while other records you rocked alone in your basement-- it was just what it was, music.

Now, I don't know why this matters, something so completely arbitrary-- the first generation to define a certain type of music as "dance," as if to eliminate the possibility of dancing to any other form of music-- but for some reason I began to think about this, mull it over in my mind.

Until an ad came on the radio, advertising the top one hundred disco songs from the 1970's.

And then I realized that my generation didn't even have that, the copyright on music specifically designated as music to dance to. The 70's had disco, and if you want to talk only about the more recent style of anthemic type club dance music, the late 80's have that on lock, too (at least in the UK). And that's when I realized:

The reason my generation is so seemingly bored and disaffected by anything and everything is that everything has already been done, and there is nothing new or original to excite or interest us. What the Sex Pistols predicted has literally come to pass, and that nothing is shocking. We've seen it all before, and someone else had already done it-- and probably done it better. There are no uncharted territories left to explore, no new thoughts to conjure up-- seemingly everything there is to be done has already been done, leaving nothing to really excite my generation. Hell, my generation is the one that managed to make even punk rock boring and irrelevant-- something which would have seemed impossible at one point in time.

Hollywood is seemingly only interested in producing remakes of older movies or spawning sequels to the few actually interesting ideas (and several of the not so interesting or inspired ones to boot). Most of the hot "new" bands in music are simply recreating and recrafting what has come before them (Take two newer bands I happen to love, Interpol and Bloc Party. What they're doing is essentially no different than what Gang of Four or Joy Division/New Order, among others, did before them). It's why we no longer have iconic figures like Marilyn Monroe or Joe DiMaggio, but would rather build up a Lindsay Lohan or a Britney Spears, only to tear them down six months later when we've become bored, as always. (Kill your idols indeed-- how very punk rock!)

Sometimes, this lack of interest can manifest itself in odd ways. Take, for example, the response of my generation to 9/11. Beneath the shock and the horror and the anger, there is a desire to have 9/11 be the validating moment of our generation, to have this cataclismic event stand as a defining, life and world altering event (and in some instances, it has). I can't tell you how many times I've discussed 9/11 with people of my own age, and at some point the comment of "Well, we have our own JFK now" comes up.

Think about that comparison for a moment. After JFK, the world really did seem to shift, especially for the youth of this country. After JFK's assassination, Vietnam blows up, and becomes the cultural force of the time. You've got the civil rights movemetn, you've got the rise of grassroots political activism, young people coming together to affect change and force the agenda, and on and on and on. All of these notions are extremely romantic and idealistic, and I think at some level, a large portion of my generation yearns to still believe that those things are possible. And so, to some extent, the response to 9/11 has been a hope that this, this event, will mobilize our generation much the same way our parents were when they were our ages.

(And in a completely different sort of way, 9/11 may have the same kind of impact. Immediately after the attacks on the World Trade Center and Washington, you've got the full scope of the Bush Doctrine, raw and unleashed. I saw an article somewhere on the internet recently where it was suggested that the Bush Administration may go down in history as the authors of the decline of the American century, and I don't think that's too far from the truth. But instead of inspiring the younger generations to become idealistic hippie dreamers and believe (somewhat misguidedly) in the ability to force change, 9/11 has driven my generation to simply throw up our hands and go "We're so fucked.")

But hell, I guess at least now when someone like our parents tries to bring up the JFK assassination and how momentous it was, this generation can sit back and stifle a yawn. We can simply mumble "We got that, too" and go back to being jaded and bored and disaffected.

(Note: I could be completely talking out of my ass here. Feel free to let me know what you think in the comment section. Props to anyone who caught the Cracker drop in the title.)

Thoughts On "10 Things That Aren't Going to Stop Bush"

2005-05-20T11:43:00.000-04:00

Hey, lookee here! Two posts in the same day! What the Hell is this world coming to!?

Well, just after I posted my little personal note below, I surfed on over to one of my favorite comedy websites, Blagg Blogg. It is usually a source of witty, humorous posts that often have me laughing at loud (sometimes while I was at the office, pretending to do work-- when I had a job, that is). However, today, I want to comment briefly on Alex Blagg's seemingly serious, non comedic moment of introspection, 10 Things That Aren't Going to Stop Bush.

It is an interesting list, and there are things that I definitely agree with contained in it-- protesting, especially in liberal cities such as San Francisco or even New York City is probably an exercise in futility, as is clever bumper stickers or being punk rock. And his point about the Democrats is fairly spot on. However, I want to comment on a few of his points (although I may be engaging in a futile exercise as well, given that it may have been written simply for comedys sake).

"2. Blogging (unless you're Atrios)

I recently spent about 3 hours deleting the first year or so of this blog, which consisted of hundreds of pointless posts where I wasted word upon word, naively trying to demonstrate and argue the fact that George W. Bush is hell-bent on destroying civilization as we know it. Every day there are political blogs, message boards and "news portals" where idiots on the left and idiots on the right incessantly argue irrelevant talking points, reveling in their mutual self-righteous idiocy, never once grasping the nature of this irony. Those of you who know me are probably thinking to yourselves, "you used to be one of those idiots". Well, I can admit when I'm wrong. Instead of banging out angry blog posts about Bush's Evil, try reaching out to those whose opinions differ from your own and engaging them in a calm, rational, civilized discussion. Chances are your points will be better received."

I understand where he's coming from here. However, there is a reason why I read blogs like firedoglake or Talking Points Memo or Altercation (and a reason why they're all featured on my blogroll, kids). And it's not because these people are engaging in simple, "angry blog posts about Bush's evil." Believe me, if these and other blogs were the equivalent of taking a can of spray paint and writing "Fuck Bush" graffiti on the overpass of the internet highway, I wouldn't waste my time reading them.

Rather, I read these blogs because they educate me. In a time when you can't hardly trust your professional media anymore, I depend on these sites not only for information, but to cut through the bullshit and bring out the relevant points routinely lost in the morass of political discourse, something which our supposedly liberal mainstream media seemingly refuses to do these days. If The New York Times won't do it, I'm glad there are people around like Eric Alterman, Jame Hamsher, and Josh Marshall to do it. I and anyone who reads these and other blogs like it are smarter, more well-informed, and more prepared for upcoming arguments/discussions/3 AM drunken state of the world conversations/shouting matches than before.

Usually, these blogs do not descend into "self-righteous idiocy," but are more concerned with doing just what Alex desires: "engaging in calm, rational, civilized, discussion." Because quite frankly, I can't talk to every conservative in this manner (and honestly, I'm not so sure I'd like to even if I could). However, by throwing up opinions on the internet (on anything, not just politics), that's what I'm trying to do here. Engage in discussion. There's a reason why my blog is titled Mental Sword Fighting-- you're supposed to do a little thinking, even if it is something as basic as "Hmmm. that new Ivy disc sounds really cool, maybe I should go pick it up!" Ideally, we'd even have a few arguments here and there, get into some actual debate (although I understand that the likelihood of this is limited by the low traffic this blog gets and the fact that I spend large portions of my time writing about music, a subject which is probably not gonna get you all hot and bother and fighting mad-- unless you're me).

"7. Michael Moore

My friend Merkley??? summed it up pretty well himself, but the fact is that Michael Moore is the fucking Disney brand of Liberalism. Literally. He appeals to people who prefer to blindly adopt the opinions of others as opposed to forming their own. His movies are manipulative, poorly researched and are about as objective and unbiased as Mein Kampf."

All of which is true. One of the most illuminating things about Fahrenheit 9/11 for me was seeing it with a few friends of mine who were/are anti-Bush like myself, but were not nearly as into politics or knowledgeable on these issues as I was/am (not trying to toot my own horn here). It wasn't that these people hadn't ever heard these things before, or that I spent the next hour or so after the movie on my friends porch holding court on a discussion group on these issues, pointing out the instances where Moore was biased, or where he was grasping at straws and over reaching in his conclusions. No, that was actually fun, I enjoy doing that (and hey, it's not the fault of my friends that they didn't take several upper level political science seminars and thus don't understand international relations theory or high handed political maneuvering).

No, the most illuminating moment was when we were walking out of the theater, and my friend turned to me and said "Ya know, now I'm actually gonna vote."

That statement left me flabbergasted. I couldn't believe that there was anyone in America, let alone anyone my age, who needed to be convinced to vote in this past election. Or that Fahrenheit 9/11 would be necessary simply to convince people that voting was important.

That got me thinking. Part of what makes the right so successful is that they have an untold number of spinmeisters out there, like Robert Novak or even (shudder to think) Bill O'Reilly, who simply scream and scream and scream and bludgeon you to death with their arguments. Does it matter that, often times these people blatantly lie or engage in other forms of idiocy. Rather, its the simple fact that these guys exist, and that people believe them. When you've got a major media outlet like Fox News acting as a propaganda arm for the Republican party, that's a problem.

Enter Michael Moore. Yeah, he's a bomb thrower, and yeah, his positions are often somewhat tenuous as well as extremely biased. But this is exactly what the Left needs-- someone to counter the Fox News Brigade, someone to out-O'Reilly O'Reilly (without the sex scandals, natch). If the success of Fox News has proved anything, it's that the majority of Americans are lazy and aren't going to have Media Matters bookmarked, so that they can sift through the lies and pomp and circumstance to get at the real truth.

Unfortunately, due to the inherent laziness of the American people, as well as the fact that the mainstream media seems to be asleep at the wheel, you need Michael Moore. Because this is what passes for political discourse in America, circa 2005: two or three talking heads screaming at each other, trying to beat each other down with the massive weight of their excess verbiage. The left cannot simply surrender this position to the right, as politics (like everything else), has largely become about public relations. It matters less what you are really doing, but more about how you can dress it up and present it to the public. And Moore is a master of doing this and getting people to watch. So, while Moore may be pompous and over reaching in his assertions, he's a necessary evil in order to present differing opinions and attempt to drown out O'Reilly, Novak, and all the rest.

(All of the above points have probably been made before and made better than I just did, particularly around the time Fahrenheit first dropped, but it was a topic of discussion so I figured I'd take it there).

"9. Your Liberal Hubris

The reason the left is unable to garner support among a broader range of American voters is quite simple - we treat the right with condescension and hostility. The fact is, most of the people in this country didn't go to college, don't listen to Radiohead, don't read books without raised lettering on the cover and don't ever think to question what they're told on television. So rather than angrily dismissing these people, try respectfully explaining the reasons why you believe what you believe."

I agree. Indirectly, Alex here supports my point about Michael Moore. He notes that "most of the people in this country... don't ever think to question what they're told on television." Exactly. If people start just blindly accepting what Al Franken or Michael Moore told them, rather than Bill O'Reilly, the left would be in a better spot. It's not exactly the kind of Republic I'd want to live in, where people just mindlessly accept everything they're told as long as it comes from a source they trust (be that source George W. Bush, The New York Times, Fox News, etc.), but it's essentially the Republic we're getting with a large portion of this country. Understanding that, I'd rather all these accepting individuals listen to Michael Moore and vote Democrat, rather than Robert Novak and vote Republican.

All in all, Alex is right tho-- the left does need to do a better job of reaching out to people and getting its message across. However, how do you have a rational discussion with people who, when you try to talk with them about matters of substance, tell you that they don't read The New York Times but rather get their information from fucking Ann Coulter books (as I personally have been told)? How do you engage in debate with someone from the O'Reilly school of debate, which consists of screaming and browbeating your conversation mate until they throw up their hands and go "Fuck it, you win, I just don't care anymore"?

Like I said earlier, most of the blogs I read do a good job of presenting the issues in a rational manner, but who on the right is gonna read them? I know I don't read right-leaning blogs, because frankly I don't care about their opinion or the way it's being spun in the right wind community. I'd rather read about issues that matter to me, and learn more about them so that I can engage in discussion as a more well informed, rational individual.

I dunno if this post makes any sense, and alot of these points no doubt have been made elsewhere by people who've thought about this longer than I have, particularly in the first few weeks after the election. However, Alex's blog post got me thinking (got me itching to do a little mental sword fighting, eh?), so I felt like writing about. Feel free to discuss in the comments section.

A Life On The Brink

2005-05-20T11:17:00.000-04:00

Fear not, my friends, for I have returned!

I know that I have not posted much in the past two weeks (I think there's been something like two posts in the past two weeks... pathetic), but your boy here has been going through some drama in the ol' personal life, which has forced MSF to the backburner a bit (that, and I haven't had much to write about).

If you go back a few weeks, you'll notice sprinkled throughout my posts referrences to "the new job" and things of that sort. Well.... I no longer have that "new job." That's because I quit. In lieu of receiving a $500,000 lawsuit for violation of non-confidentiality, I'll err on the side of caution and all I'll say is that it just wasn't for me and I wasn't comfortable, so I peaced rather than throw shade. So, once again, I am unemployed.

Now, through that one simple action, many possible paths have opened up. And it appears likely that I will be choosing the one that leads away from the great state of New York, and towards the political capital of this nation, Washington D.C. It is highly likely in the next two weeks that I will be moving to Washington with two buddies of mine from school, in hopes of finding a job doing research or something political. This is what interests me most--writing, researching, thinking analytically-- and so I have decided to take a leap of faith and actually find a job that interests me.

Notice, however, I said "in hopes of finding a job." Because, in all likelihood, I will be taking the DC plunge sans immediate employment. It's a little intimidating, and kind of a little scary, to just up and move away from everything you've ever known and say "Fuck it, what else do I have to lose?" But, I realize that I'm 24, and it's time to start getting serious about my life and what I plan to do with it. So, at this juncture, I'm going for dolo, trying to grow and figure out where I belong in this world (if that's possible). And part of that requires, at least to my thinking, biting the bullet and doing the scary thing-- moving away and seeing if I can hack it on my own, for real. It feels like something I have to do, not just from an employment standpoint but from a personal standpoint-- I want to challenge myself, as well as maybe escape some of the bad habits I've developed here in NY. It will be interesting no doubt, and I am excited, but I am also tremendously nervous as well.

Thus, you can understand why I'm a little stressed and a tad bit nervous about the whole thing, thus forcing the blogging to the side a little bit. And for that, I apologize. All I can really offer you is that when things return to some state of normalcy (and I get my computer fixed so that it doesn't act all crazy and actually lets me sign on to the internet), you will see the number of posts on the blog increase once again. I don't usually like to get into personal matters here on this blog, but I thought that I would at least try to explain what is going on around me, rather than simply drop one of my now patented "I'm sorry, more stuff is coming soon, I promise!" notes here (although a review of the new SOAD CD, Mesmerize, should be up sometime tomorrow). Please forgive me!

And, if anyone has any hot tips on where to find jobs in DC or places to live, please do feel free to give the kid the hookup, it would be much appreciated.

Can it Be That It Was All So Simple Then?

2005-05-12T13:19:00.000-04:00

On his mindblowing debut album Endtroducing, right before the sublime "Midnight In A Perfect World," DJ Shadow has an odd, forty second song that is seemingly nothing more than a throwaway time filler, yet it always makes me laugh and gets me thinking. It's called "Why Hip Hop Sucks In '96," and it consists solely of a short little loop and a voice intoning "It's the money..."

That has always cracked me up, because it was true. It was true then, when I first heard it. It is even more true now, which is why I find myself going back to that track and thinking. Because I agree with Mr. Davis: Hip hop-- at least major label commerical hip hop-- has sucked for a minute now, and it's largely due to the money.

All you need to do is compare what was coming out ten to twelve years ago (when I first started listening to hip hop in all seriousness) and what is coming out. All you have to do is look at this list of eight classic hip hop albums, all released within a three and a half year period.

Dr. Dre, The Chronic -- Released December 15, 1992
Wu Tang Clan, Enter The Wu Tang (36 Chambers) -- Released November 9, 1993
Snoop Doggy Dogg, Doggystyle -- Released November 23, 1993
Nas, Illmatic -- Released April 19, 1994
Notorious B.I.G., Ready To Die -- Released September 13, 1994
Mobb Deep, The Infamous -- Released April 25, 1995
Raekwon, Only Built 4 Cuban Linx... -- Released August 1, 1995
Jay-Z, Reasonable Doubt-- Released June 25, 1996

It is interesting to note that the Jigga man is the last of these eight classics to drop over this three and a half year run of greatness, because Hova indirectly had alot to do with shifting the game and indirectly watering it down (not only because Hova was one of the first practioners of the highly stylized flossing playa/kingpin image in rap, but also after In My Lifetime, Vol. One flopped, he became bound and determined to rule the charts and began crafting anthems like "Hard Knock Life," "Big Pimpin'," "Izzo (Hova)," and others, leaving behind the more nuanced and subtle rhythmic gymnastics that are found on Reasonable Doubt).

Anyway, my point is that, you compare that list with what has come out since, and does anything match up at all? Have there been any hip hop albums released since that can hold a candle to any of these modern hip hop masterpieces? Maybe you can throw Eminem's The Marshall Mathers LP in the ring, and you could probably include Outkast's Aquemini, but after that your pickings are pretty slim. And why is that?

Well, not coincidentally, the years between 1992 and 1996 are when rap started to really blow up on a major, national level. All of a sudden, you had Dr. Dre and Snoop riding around in low riders and bringing the laid back Cali vibe to your living room at all hours of the day on MTV, you had ladies calling Biggie "Big Poppa" on mainstream Top Forty radio-- basically, what had once been an underground, semi-localized phenomenon blew the fuck up between '92 and '96. And, for the first time, hip hop was looked at by corporate America as a viable, profitable genre, ripe for exploitation. It's the money...

Now, I realize that I may just be succumbing to a case of nostalgia, saying that things were better before. There's probably some sixteen year old out there who would tell me that his collection of 50 Cent and Mike Jones records are just as vital, and that old school Wu Tang don't have shit on them. As Chuck Klosterman writes in the May 2005 Esquire, people who are caught up in the real world don't spend much time listening to modern music, and thus "That's why everyone insists that most good music was (coincidentally) recorded between their sophomore year in high school and their senior year of college." Except that I haven't stopped listening to modern music at all-- rather, I crave it like a dope fiend searching for his next hit-- and that, for this essay at least, it would be between sixth grade and the start of my freshman year of high school (yeah, I was a hipster even as a wee little tyke!). So I acknowledge that this may be all nostalgia and these insights may come pre-packaged with the sense of wonderment I felt upon discovering hip hop for the first time, moments in my life that come I'm reminded of when I listen to these records, and thus suppose that they are"pure" and give more relevance to them then they should really be accorded. Nevertheless, I shall continue...

(Quick aside: I know I might be late to the game, but I read Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs about a month ago, and just loved it. For anyone that cares about pop culture, or just wants to enjoy a good laugh or two, I recommend this book. It is a rather quick read, and he is able to make some compelling points about seemingly insipid material. Basically, I want to write like Chuck Klosterman when I grow up.)

So, basically right around the time Jay-Z was dropping his masterpiece, Reasonable Doubt, the game had shifted. Once people (read: major labels) realized that you could make a shit load of money with this here hip hop thing, that's what it became about. No longer were you simply rhyming for the pure love of the craft or to get props on your block-- you were trying to get that paper. How you gonna stack that loot? Well, you gotta get played on the radio and MTV. So now, instead of just making a dope jam, it became about "How do I get this on the radio? How is this going to play to Wal-Mart Middle America? How is the video going to look? What image should I use?"

The other night, I was at a friends house and she happened to throw on the burned copy of The Infamous I had made for her. When she threw it on, I immediately got hype, and declared that this was one of my favorite albums of all time. As we played darts and bumped the grooves, I was reminded for the millionth time why I loved this album-- the ominious beats, the lyrical wizardry, the straight forward consistency of every track a banger.

As we listened to the album, I was struck by something that I had never thought of before: As "Temperture's Rising" was playing, I had the eureka! moment of realizing that yes, indeed, there was a femable R&B singer crooning the hook on this song. Now, don't get me wrong, having heard this song approximately 37,000 times, I obviously knew that there was an R&B hook on the song. Yet, it never really jumped out at me, because it worked. It didn't seem forced or out of place, but rather seemed to meld perfectly with the song.

The reason I bring this up is that, once rap blew up mainstream, it seemed like everyone had to get an R&B hook on their songs, so that they could get spun on the radio (Note that "Temperture's Rising" was never a single). Instead of doing it as a benefit to the song, as in the case of Mobb Deep, artists know had to think "How can I get on the radio? Well, if I spit some easy to digest rhymes and then get Mary J. Blige to sing the hook, how can radio not love it?" Voila! That, right there kids, is the watering down of hip hop. So much so that five years later, you've got Ja Rule doing his own weak ass R&B crooning and re-enacting Grease with Ashanti in music videos. It wasn't about making good songs, like "Temperture's Rising"-- it became about getting spun on the radio and bumping your Soundscan numbers. All of a sudden you've got Jadakiss talking L-O-V-E- while Mariah Carey warbles "K-I-S-S me..." over some buttery soft track, which of course dominates radio but does nothing artistically.

Another thing that bugs me about the commercialization of hip hop is that very few seem to care anymore about the craft of the MC. Whereas before you may have had your day job or whatever, but your real love was MC'ing, now it seems as if that has been inverted. In the past, you did what you had to do until you blew up, and thus reached the point where you could be an MC for a living. Now, it seems like people are waking up and realizing "Ya know, I don't really like pumping crack on the block. I don't like the threat of getting shot. So ya know, I'm gonna pick up this mic and try to rhyme, how hard could it be? All I gotta do is get some hot beats and a hot video or two, and I'll be rich! Score!"

For example, I've read or heard alot of interviews with The Game in which he proclaims that, in 2001, when he was in the hospital recuperating from getting shot five times, that is the moment he decided he wanted to be an MC. That his brother bought him every classic hip hop album (including some which I listed above), and he listened and studied how to be an MC. Now, let me get this straight: It was only after getting shot five times that you decided that wasn't exactly the best career move? And that, only then, did you realize, selling crack wasn't the best career move? And only then, you realized Hey, maybe I can make a living doing this MC thing-- I'll just study these dudes for a minute, then I'll be rich! And that seems to be the mindset of alot of MC's nowadays-- instead of it being that they have something relevant to say, but rather the simple fact that they need something else do to with their time. And record companies know that, in today's C.R.E.A.M. (Cash Rules Everything Around Me-- oddly enough, a statement popularized by the Wu Tang Clan) mindset, that if they get Lil Jon or whoever the hottest producer of the moment is to do the beats and package it correctly, kids will eat it up.

Maybe all of this money floating around is the reason why I like mixtapes so much. You see, most songs on mixtapes aren't ever supposed to be released commercially, but are intended more as promotional tools. It's on mixtapes that you hear MC's just going for it, either doing ridiculous things (like Game rhyming for seven minutes straight, over the beat of the Snoop and Dre classic "Deep Cover," on "200 Bars" found on Whoo Kid's G-Unit Radio 8), dissing their competition (admittedly, the most compelling part of the mixtape industry is the never ending collection of diss tracks), or just putting out that grimy shit radio wouldn't fuck with in a million years. How many times have you heard a dope beat and wished you could hear your favorite MC spit over it? On mixtapes, you can (for weeks, I've been saying that someone should rhyme over Ying Yang's "Wait (The Whisper Song)" beat, because the right MC would just destroy that track. What happens? Tuesday night, I'm listening to Green Lantern, and what do I hear? Juelz Santana ripping that track). Mixtapes, because they're designed to be bootlegged and "for the streets," are where all the joints that don't get played on the radio because they're not commercial and safe, but rather grimy and edgy, go.

But even the mixtapes are getting corruped by money. Record labels have figured out that mixtapes are a great way to hype everything up. If I hear Juelz Santana rip the Ying Yang beat, I'm naturally gonna be more inclined to pay attention to Juelz Santana. Well, what do ya know? Surprise, surprise! Juelz Santana has an album coming out soon! Me being more inclined to pay attention to Juelz Santana obviously leads me to being more inclined to check out his album-- and thus the record labels get their cake! Although you can often run into problems when your mixtapes are better than your albums (the most notable example of this would be Jadakiss, but you can throw 50 Cent, Lloyd Banks, and any number of others in this discussion as well).

So, it all comes back to money. Like punk rock or heavy metal or indie rock before it, hip hop got co-opted and hijacked by the money train, somewhere around '96. And thus, the albums that have the kind of impact that say, Ready to Die or The Chronic did are much fewer and far between. Hell, if you look at the list I posted above, most of these artists themselves never reached the same heights again (Nas being the most blatant example, given that he completely shifted his style from his first to his second album. On Illmatic, he wsa the street poet dispensing pearls of wisdom with every breath. On It Was Written, all of a sudden he was a gangster out of Casino, moving pounds of cocaine with his crew and having Lauryn Hill sing hooks on songs obviously crafted for radio consumption-- "If I Ruled The World." Jay-Z too, as mentioned above. I almost shudder to think about what kind of records Biggie would be making today if he was still alive).

DJ Shadow could re-title that song for each successive year post '96, and it would still work. In fact, I think that songs message is even more applicable today than it was in '96. You just don't have the same kind of classic material being released nowadays-- you had eight classic albums in three years time! Now, you're lucky if you get one record a year that you'll surely be bumping a year from now, let alone ten years down the road (as I do with all of the above mentioned albums). All of which, as a music fan, makes me sad and forces me to ponder what Raekwon and Ghost asked, all the way back in '93: Can it be that it was all so simple then?

(Note: This post was inspired by this post by Douglas Reinhardt and the comments I made on it. I have also touched on this topic before, in columns I wrote for the Kenyon Collegian (I couldn't find the link to the specific article in which I wrote about this, but if you're bored, you can hit the archives and scroll through the A&E section to get an assortment of my previous columns, includingg my top 10 records for 2001-2003, which in and of itself might be interesting to some). Just trying to give the props where the propers are due, kids.)

I'm Always Forgetting Something

2005-05-08T01:52:00.000-04:00

Ok, so I spent all of this afternoon working on the music meme post, and finally hit the "post" button and send it on its way. Content, I begin making plans to go to dinner with a friend of mine.

It's not until I pull into the parking lot of the restaurant that I realize that I didn't post who I was passing this meme on, which could be construed as a breach of blog etiquette. Not that I think it really matters, since anyone who's likely to be reading this blog has already contributed to the meme. But, if these people were to somehow stumble onto my blog and care to take up the challenge, I'd be interested to hear what Douglas Reinhardt, or Scott Stereogum had to say about it. I'd also like to hear what O-Dub and/or Junichi thought, as well as Christie, were any one of them so inclined.

-- Been meaning to say this for a week or so now: One mixtape that is getting serious love in my car CD player right now, and is sure to continue to do so for the near future, is Nick Catchdubs Oh Snap mixtape. If you like to hear some interesting and eclectic song choices, full of oringinal blends/mashups and nuanced mixing, check it out. I'll tell you this: While listening to this mix I not only actually enjoyed dancehall, but I also actually liked Snoop's "Drop It Like It's Hot" (I'm sorry, the Neptunes have fallen off huge) for the first time. It is only eight dollars post paid, I recommend it if you're looking for something new and fresh and wide ranging. It's the perfect soundtrack to a house party, if your friends either have quasi-hipster taste or are open minded (or on drugs).

-- Friday night, a few of my friends and I went out to Brother Jimmy's, in NYC. It was a dope time. Two things of note:

Above the men's urinal, there was an advertisement for Mitchum Deoderant. It read "If you can urinate for more than sixty seconds, you're a Mitchum man." Now, I'm not gonna go out and buy their deoderant or anything, and it may have been that I was already half drunk (thus qualifying as a Mitchum man), but I thought that was pretty funny.

I also met some guy who leaned over and gave me a pound and informed me the Mets had indeed won that night, after he saw my Mets hat. We got to chatting, and the inevitable "Fuck the Yankees" turn in the conversation arouse (I know the whole country is loving the fact that the Yankees eat it right now, but I don't think there's anyone who's enjoying this more than Mets fans right now. Even Boston, now that they've won the Series, their enjoyment is muted somewhat... whereas Mets fan? Oh man, now we can pop off, because at least for a little while we can tell those smug Yankee fans to fuck off and check the standings, bitches.). This dude had an interesting analogy for what has happened to the Yankees.

He said (and I'm paraphrasing): "Ever since the Yankees lost that three game lead, they're whole life has changed. They're like the guy who goes home from the bar with an absolutely gorgeous woman. They wake up in the morning only to discover that they've got herpes. Immediately, their whole life has changed. That's the Yankees."

I think that's hiliarious-- and a pretty good, albeit weird, analogy. As for me, I am trying to stay calm. If the Yankees continue to suck in the middle of June, and the Mets are still better than them, I'll start letting out 10 years of Yankee fan smugness out on some poor fools. Just wait.

Combine that with a fun atmosphere, good friends, a waitress that not only took shots with us but gave us free shots, semi-intelligent conversation about sports and life in general, not to mention Magic Hat #9 on tap... yeah, it was a good time. Throw in conversing with an old friend who for some reason you don't talk to enough over IM at 4 AM when you've both been out... good times. One of the better Friday nights on record. (Note: I try not to get too personal on here, because I think that might get a little boring, for both you and me, but just thought I'd throw that in there, since I was already on the topic of Friday night).

-- Interesting point for debate (or should I say, engaging in some mental sword fighting?): 1997-- The Best Year in Music? While I don't necessarily agree with the theis, it does make some interesting points. It does remind me that so many dope records-- (Biggie, Sleater-Kinney, and the Chemical Brothers in the span of two weeks, as well as Portishead, Radiohead, Roni Size, and even the Prodigy, not to mention Spiritualized, who I was just turned on to thanks to Jane) did actually drop in that year. My favorite part was the entry about Janet Jackson. I think I wanna get to know some of this dude's friends. [link via the Thighmaster]

The Music Meme

2005-05-07T16:19:00.000-04:00

A few days ago, Jane from Firedoglake passed along this music meme (for those that don't know what a meme is... uh, don't ask me, just Google it) which is making its way around the blogosphere. Being that I am a music junkie (and always looking for ways to either shout out my knowledge, turn people onto new stuff, or get turned on by myself), this is right up my alley. It's interesting that I got this this week, as some of the stuff listed here dovetails sort of nicely with some of the essays I've been writing/thinking about and which are to come (hopefully sooner rather than later) here. This is also a hard list to compose because, even though I've spent a fair amount of time thinking about this, I know that in a few days I'm gonna stumble on something that makes me go "Shit! How could I forget to put this in the meme!?" Oh well, here goes nothing!

Top Five Lyrics That Touch Your Heart

1. Thursday, "War All The Time":
War all the time
In the shadow of the New York skyline
We grew up too fast, falling apart like ashes of American flags
If the sun doesn't rise, we'll replace it with an H-bomb explosion
A painted jail cell of light in the sky,
Like Three-Mile-Island nightmares on TV used to sing us to sleep
They burn on and on like an oil field, or a memory of what it felt like
To burn on and on and just fade away
All those nights in the basement, the kids are still screaming
On and on and on...

2. Nas, "Affirmative Action":
Life's a bitch, but God forbide the bitch divorce me.

3. Rilo Kiley, "Portions For Foxes":
There's blood in my moth, because I've been biting my tongue all week
I keep on talking trash, but I never say anything
And the talking leads to touching
And the touching leads to sex
And then there's no mystery left
And it's bad news, baby I'm bad news
I'm just bad news, bad news, bad news...

4. U2, "Bullet The Blue Sky":
And I can see those fighter planes
And I can see those fighter planes
Across the mud huts where the children sleep
Through the alleys of a quiet city street
You take the staircase to the first floor
You turn the key and slowly unlock the door
As a man breathes into a saxophone
And through the walls you hear the city groan
Outside it's America
Outside it's America

Across the field you see the sky ripped open
See the rain through a gaping wound
Pounding on the women and children
Who run...
Into the arms...of America

5. Jets to Brazil, "Cat Heaven"
In the dream that awakened me, you had taken me to a sea of stars
Everything we saw was beautiful and strong, and I knew we belonged.
Then the birds came and carried us to the sky and married us
On a bed of stars, where I was always yours, you were mine.
Everything I saw was everything I’d want, and this world had just begun to
live.
Don’t wake me up, don’t wake me up, don’t wake me up,
I can’t wake up from this.
(Note: I hesitated including these lyrics here, because they basically were the soundtrack for the longest, most intense, most beautiful relationship of my life, so thus it is hard to even listen to "Cat Heaven" anymore. Nevertheless, it is an absolutely beautiful song, and those lyrics do move me, so I included it.)

Top Five Instrumentals
Before we get into this, I will say this was the hardest category for me. It would have been easy to just list five tracks off of DJ Shadow's Endtroducing and call it a day, but that would have been a cop out (and besides, I've got lots of stuff to say about that album coming soon).

1. Metallica, Orion: Listen to the staggering genius that was Cliff Burton. Hear how the boys just lock into a groove and absolutely pummel it, starting off slowly and then building to a fist pumping cresendo, with an epic breakdown in the middle. The first rock instrumental that showed me that instrumentals weren't just half-finished jams tacked on to the end of albums because someone was too lazy to write lyrics.

2. Placebo, unnamed (at least to me) bonus track at the end of "Swallow": Fast forward to the 14:52 mark, and you find this hidden gem of a song (I'm dying to find an MP3 of just this part, so that I can throw it on mixtapes). It is a rolling, subtle piece of music, with flowing guitars and beautiful use of piano. It is just a heart-wrenching composition that just grabs me for some reason. I've often said that if someone were to ever make a movie of my life, this song would be the perfect soundtrack for a montage articulating my current stage of life. It is also a fantastic song to zone out with while on the Subway or train.

3. The Pixies, Cecilia Ann: It's only two minutes long, but those two minutes are packed with fun, funky, driving guitars that just charge straight for your head. The song is a brilliant way to open the Bossanova album, as it sets the stage nicely for what's to come (Placebo's "Bulletproof Cupid" does the same thing for their Sleeping With Ghosts album). I discovered this song randomly one day when the shuffle function on my iPod stumbled upon it.

4. Tomayasu Hotei, Battle Without Honor or Humility: Quentin Tarantino used this song perfectly in one of my favorite movies, Kill Bill. Alas, now you can hear it in a bunch of car commercials (for Mazda, I believe), which sucks. However, I always say that at least once in my life I want to walk into a room somewhere and have this song blasting as everyone turns their heads to see me make my entrance. Whenever I need to get pumped up, I throw this on.

5. RJD2, Ghostwriter: Everyone compares RJD2 to DJ Shadow, and it's a valid comparison, as his debut Deadringer is similar to Endtroducing in many ways. Never mind that though-- this song is simply five plus minutes of sticky funk goodness, opening with a slick groove before the horns come in and just destroy the place. We used to play this late night at parties in college, andthe 15-20 drunkards left in the building polishing off the dregs of the kegs would get their fucking minds blown.

Top Five Live Musical Experiences
(Note: Here's where saving all of the ticket stubs throughout the years comes in handy!)

1. Rage Against the Machine/Wu Tang Clan, August 20th, 1997, Continental Airlines Arena: My mom took me and a friend to this show when I was 16 (How cool is my fucking mom? She even copped a Rage T-shirt at the end of the show!). If I remember correctly, just about the entire Clan was in the building that night (an extremely rare occurrence). I saw Rage many times (they were probably the best live band I've ever seen), but this show stands out because a few songs in, Zach sprained his ankle jumping on stage. Most bands would call it a night, but Rage only took a 15-20 minute break, then came back. Zack's ankle was bandaged and all fucked up, but he didn't care, going crazy like he always did and the whole band just killed it. As part of the encore, the RZA came out and freestyled with Zach, which was simply staggering.

2. DJ Shadow, June 3, 2002, Irving Plaza: Josh Davis pulled off some of the sickest scratch routines I've ever seen-- he completely took my fucking head off. For the encore, he brought out a live drummer and scratched in perfect rhythm with the live drumming, which had to be seen to be believed. Not to mention the fact that Shadow was so humble, thanking the crowd for their support and announcing that he'd be back at the merch booth in 10 minutes to sign anything for anyone. Just a dope performance from a really classy individual.

3. Slayer, Roseland, September 11, 1998: At the start of the show, I thought the world had ended (and I was completely sober). They played some eerie crashing sounds over the house PA, which made it sound as if a huge demon was entering the building while spooky red lights flittered throughout the stage. Just as the stomping sounds began to grow in volume and frequency, up went the curtain as the boys kicked into an absolutely blistering version of "War Ensemble" and I seriously thought that the world had ended and the Devil had chosen Slayer as his personal soundtrack to the apocalypse (again, I reiterate: I was completely sober). Insane.

4. Sasha and Digweed, last Friday of November, 2000, Twilo: This is the night that I completely fell in love with electronic music. Two of my friends and I strode into Twilo, unsure of what we were about to get. For the next six hours, we were transfixed as Sasha and Digweed threw groove after groove down in what became akin to a religious experience. Led me to devour all sorts of electronic music for the next two years of my life.

5. Deftones, July 12, 2000, Irving Plaza: One of my favorite bands, both on record and live, they put on a great show. Chino over the partitions of the stage to stand over the VIP section and make fun of the frontman of opening band Taproot (who were awful), saying things like "Stephen Richards, who the fuck are you? How are you a VIP?" It was hiliarious. The stage show was furious, as they ran through most of their hits and the best parts of their newly released White Pony (one of my favorite albums of all time).

Honorable mentions: Placebo, May 28, 2001, Irving Plaza; Sasha and Digweed, April 11, 2002 (my 21st birthday), M, Pittsburgh; Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers, July 1, 2001, PNC Bank Arts Center; Rage Against the Machine, October 2, 1999, Roseland (just before The Battle of Los Angelos came out, me and my buddy paid $175 a ticket and it was well worth it); Tool, August 15, 2002, Continental Airlines Arena; Machinehead, February 12, 2000, Irving Plaza; A Perfect Circle, August 19, 2000, Roseland; Bad Religion, May 15, 1998, Irving Plaza; Metallica, February 28, 1997, Nassau Coliseum.

Top Five Musical Artists You Think More People Should Listen To

1. Thursday: Probably one of my top three favorite bands right now, they get better with every album, progressing from amateurish hardcore on Waiting to the fully developed, mature song writing force they are today on War All The Time.

2. Placebo: Merge hard driving rock with electronics to craft intelligent music built around catchy riffs and hooks and witty wordplay. Another band that has gotten better with every album they release.

3. Pretty Girls Make Graves: I saw this band while I was at Kenyon College on a random Tuesday night. It didn't matter that they were playing in a tiny wing off of the main area of the cafeteria (and thus the accoustics were less than splendid). Didn't matter that there were at most fifty kids there to see the show. They still fucking rawked the place. Good Health showed their blend of high octance punk rock, while The New Romance showed an increased maturity and song writing focus. I can't wait for their third album, reportedly coming this year.

4. Brand New: Yet another band that has gotten better as they've progressed, it's amazing to see the development they've made. Their first album, Your Favorite Weapon, was a pretty lame pop-punk album. Their second, Deja Entendu, is a pop-rock masterpiece, crammed with great songs which feature pulsating guitars and melodies that surgically attach themselves to your brain.

5. These Arms Are Snakes: This band may be a little too brutal or off-center for some, but they take the hardcore/post-punk conventions and drop them on their head. Fusing the intensity of hardcore with bizarre electronic atmospheric flourishes, they create a unique sonic blend which really has to be heard. Oxeneers, or The Lion Sleeps When Its Antelope Go Home was one of my favorite records of last year.

Top Five Albums You Must Hear From Start to Finish

1. DJ Shadow, Endtroducing
2. Neu!, Neu!: Thanks to Astralwerks re-releasing this band's catalogue, I was able to discover the groovy goodness of these highly influential Kraut rock masters.
3. Mobb Deep, The Infamous: Ominious and menacing, with the type of thunderous mid-90's East Coast beats I love so much, and brilliant guest shots from Raekwon, Ghostface, Nas, and Q-Tip. It's like a sixty minute swing through a war zone, delivered with nuance and superb lyricism.
4. Massive Attack, Mezzannine: Everyone cites Blue Lines as their most influential (and it probably is), but I like this one better. "Teardrop" is one of the most hypnotically beautiful songs I've ever heard in my life.
5. Outkast, Aquemini: The cream of the crop from the ATLien posse who seem to drop classic albums every time out the box.

Top Five Musical Heroes
1. DJ Shadow
2. Maynard James Keenan, Tool/A Perfect Circle
3. Tom Morello, guitar god, Rage Against the Machine/Audioslave
4. Chuck D
5. Kerry King, Slayer (if only because when I was 16, I could think of nothing cooler than to get paid to play that opening riff of "Raining Blood.")

Diamonds Are Forever, Indeed

2005-05-04T00:45:00.000-04:00

Hey y'all, I ain't forgot about you. I got a lot of essays half written, in the tweaking and adding stage. In addition, the new job is taxing the brain and zapping the energy (and I'm gonna add a class in the evenings to boot!). But I'm just stopping by real quick to say that I ain't disappeared, and to let you know about Kanye's new jam, "Diamonds."

It's absolutely fucking ridiculous.

Just when I was starting to get bored of Kanye's whole soul sampling gig, he goes and throws a curveball. Lil' Jon might make the crunk music and think that he owns the dancefloor-- but this, well... this is gonna be a fucking nuclear bomb on dance floors all spring and summer long.

Kanye's really done it this time. This is the best introduction to the forthcoming Late Registration because it announces in a major way that Kanye isn't a one trick pony. Kanye ain't no joke, man! The beat has so much going on, so many elements that blend to just create an absolute monster. One of my friends described it as an anthem, and he's right. It's without a doubt the most hype, most energetic beat West's ever made-- and this is the man that produced Ludcacris' "Stand Up." Straight up, it's the best Kanye beat ever.

Seriously, hearing this makes me think that all these months, Kanye's just been clearing out his archived beats while he's secretly been in the lab going insane, keeping the dank funk for himself. Even including Common's new Be (which is hot), "Diamonds" makes most recent Kanye beats (The Game's "Dreams," for example) pale in comparison.

Lyrically, Kanye rips it, riding the beat perfectly. Although it is a little weird to hear someone who so proudly rocks his diamonds-- and talks about just how much he rocks them-- talk about conflict diamonds, somehow he makes it work. And at this point, are we really calling Kanye on the carpet for contradicting himself?

"I ask, when you talk about classics, does his name get brought up?" Kanye asks.

Not yet. But if you can prove that The College Dropout wasn't a fleeting moment of genius (and at this point, Dropout is askin to a modern hip hop classic in the minds of many)-- and if Late Registration is more of the same, you can believe people will.

And you know that once it does, Kanye will let you know about it. Because as this track also reminds you: Kanye is also hip hop's reigning king of braggadacio and self-inflation-- you'd think that he was made a Saint by now, to hear him tell it.

Bullshit Historical Posturing

2005-04-28T19:05:00.000-04:00

Today, as I strolled into Duane Reade as I do every morning, to get my morning can of Mountain Dew (I don't drink coffee. Growing up, I was told that I would pick it up as I got older. I'm 24 now, and I still don't drink it. Some people still like to insist that I will eventually become a coffee drinker, but I doubt it. I'm 24, I'm old enough, I don't like coffee, ok? I'm just as happy to feed my caffeine addiction through Pepsi and Mountain Dew, and the occasional Red Bull. But I digress...) , I walked past the newsstand as I always do. And out of the corner of my eye, what do I spy?

A glossy, special edition of Time, trumpeting the 60th anniversary of V-E Day. I stopped to stare at it for a second, and as I turned to head towards the back of the store and towards my much-needed Mountain Dew deliciousness, I became kind of irked. And it's because I feel like we're starting to over do it when it comes to the reverence we have for the so-called "greatest achievement" and what occured sixty years ago.

Don't get me wrong. I obviously think that the waging of World War II and the ending of Hitler's power in Germany was terrific. The fact that I am a Jewish-American obviously leads me to view the ending of the war and the rescue of those lucky enough to escape from the death factories of Nazi Germany as fucking amazing. I don't begrude any veteran of World War II (or any war, for that matter) the respect which they so richly deserve. And what the fighting men and women of all the Allied nations that took part in ending the Nazi war machine did, the hardships they had to endure, is simply staggering.

However, and this might just be the liberal cynic in me, I can't help but feel that these kind of showy tributes are done out of a misplaced sense of nostalgia for a time long gone by. When I see that Time special edition on the newstand, I see it as something akin to the Time editors pleading for faith.

It's almost as if, through those glossy pages, they are screaming "See? At one time, American stood for something, America actually accomplished something. We were respected throughout the world, and our ideals were unquestionable." All of which is true. And certainly, in these days of faulty intelligence and unfound WMDS, that is certainly a comforting thought.

But when I see that cover, I can't help but think that it's meant to deceive. It's meant to make us forget about My Lai, forget about Abu Ghraib, forget about all the roughshod actions taken by our cowboy President. It's meant to inspire faith in America, to reassure us that we haven't in fact become the unpredictable rogue superpower who doesn't care about anyone else's opinions as we play the Coloussus in this, the waning years of our country's empire. It's meant to draw the comparison between those fighting in Germany sixty years ago and those fighting in Iraq today, and saying "They're the same. They are fighting to uphold justice and American ideals. Just as your grandfather was a hero, so too is your son fighting in Iraq." I do not mean to demean the troops currently serving in Iraq, for they are simply carrying out a job assigned to them, many of them realizing the stupidity of the fact that they are in the desert when they should be at home enjoying their lives with their families. I do, however, mean to demean the actions of Bush, Chaney, Rumsfeld, etc., who no doubt will use the 60th anniversary of the wars ending in Germany as a platform from which to issue simply more meaningless drivel about freedom being on the march and missions being accomplished.

Perhaps I'm wrong. Perhaps I'm not giving Time and its editors enough credit. Perhaps they are subtly trying to draw a comparison between America of the 40's and America of today. Comparing the actions of FDR, a President who unquestionably wanted to get us into war for the right reasons, versus George W. Bush, who has led us into war for all the wrong ones. Perhaps they are subtly trying to say "Look how far we've fallen. We used to be the gold standard for idealism, the last bastion for dreamers and believers. Now we're a bunch of bullies, misguidedly exercising our military muscle in the wrong places." Maybe they're trying to make the same points I'm making here. However, this is the same magazine that ran the much-discussed puff cover story on Ann Coulter last week, so I can't say that Time's credibility is all that high right now.

From the perspective of a history major (with my focus being on military history, and just a general all-things-World-War-II buff to boot) and something of an armchair historian, the continuous lionization of those that fought in Europe bugs me for a completely different reason: It completely forgets that there was another component to WW II, fought on the other side of the Globe.

Now, maybe in a few months, Time will run another special edition commemorating V-J Day. But that does not take away from the general lack of respect shown to the fighting that went on in Asia by most of this country. Ask most Americans about World War II in Asia, and you'll get two things: Pearl Harbor and the atomic bombings. That's where it begins and ends for most Americans.

No one seems to remember the vicious naval fighting that went on in the Midway, or the absolute ferociousness of the "island-hopping" strategy (which is pretty ridiculous when you think about, seeing as how it was that exact viciousness and the massive predicted death tolls that lead Truman to drop the bomb in the first place). It's almost as if people remember Pearl Harbor for getting us into the war, and they remember Hiroshima and Nagasaki due to the horrific nature of the atomic bomb, but forget that there was a large amount of fighting and death on a massive scale in between those two events. Most Americans (thanks in large part to Stephen E. Ambrose-- dirty plagarist that he is--, Steven Spielberg, and Tom Hanks) recognize the Battle of the Bulge, but few know about the bloody toil on Okinawa. Everyone's seen Saving Private Ryan, but no one's read E.B. Sledge's terrific With The Old Breed At Peleliu and Okinawa, and even a classic like Norman Mailer's The Naked and The Dead gets shunted off.

Maybe we don't hear as much about the war in Asia is because it's not as neat and clean, morally speaking, as the war against fascism. If you're only response to the war in Asia is "Those sneaky fuckin' Japs!" because all you know is Pearl Harbor, it makes things easier. You don't have to contemplate the annihilation of hundreds of thousands of innocent Japanese civilians through the use of the most evil weapon ever devised by mankind, because they had it coming. You don't have to think about the appalling treatment of Japanese-Americans on the West Coast by way of internment, or contemplate the truly disgusting propaganda circulated in this country against the Japanese (chronicled in depthly in John W. Dower's War Without Mercy: Race and Power in the Pacific War) beause gosh darn it, those Japs were sneaky!

You don't have to cloud your mind with any of those complexities, and rather simply sit back and congratulate ourselves on ridding the world of Hitler, Mussolini, and their awful beliefs. You can sleep easy, knowing that the American military is an instrument of good, bringing light where there once was darkness, bringing hope to those who seemingly had run out of it. You can actually stand up and take pride in your nation.

And, if you so choose, you can draw that line straight down from V-E Day to the toppling of the Saddam statue in Iraq, resting comfortably in your belief in America as a instrument of positive change in the world, then as well as now. We are still the nation to be looked up to, to be confided in, to be trusted, to be respected. We saved the world from the Nazis, we ended Communism, and now we're "saving" the Middle East.

Well, I don't buy it.

With The Quickness

2005-04-27T12:01:00.000-04:00

Ok, I'm sorry for not posting anything in a few days (doesn't it seem like I make this pronouncement every weel? Damn...), but I have about 2-3 posts fully formed (in my head at least) and they're coming. It's just a confluence of events have kept me from posting them as I had intended (i.e., starting on Monday). These events have included, but are not limited to, a frenzied drive all over the county to see The Interpreter (Entertaining, but leaving a lot to be desired. Sean Penn and Nicole Kidman-- who looks gorgeous, as always-- are good, but the script keeps them bound down. It misses a certain feeling of energy and excitement that keeps you from fully investing yourself in the film. Rent it in a few months when you've got nothing better to do on a rainy Saturday afternoon, but there's really no need to drop $10 on it) Monday night and yet another trip to the Mecca (a/k/a/ Shea Stadium) to see Pedro pitch (the Dominican Dominator was a little off, giving up 4 early runs before settling down while the Good Guys comeback attempts fell just a little short in the bottom of the 9th) last night.

But fear not! I have a review of New Order's new Waiting For The Sirens Call planned (I was shooting to have it up Monday, or at the very least Tuesday, due to the US release date being Tuesday, but Pedro trumps Bernard Sumner, at least in this blogga's mind). I also am developing (again, in the brain) an essay based in part on the 40 second DJ Shadow song "Why Does Hip Hop Suck in '96?"-- trust me, that might sound odd, but it makes sense to me and you will soon be enlightened. And speaking of Mr. Josh Davis, I'm also planning on running my thoughts on his debut album, Endtroducing, for a new semi-regular feature I'm gonna do here: MSF Classics. Essentially, the idea will be that whenever I feel like it, I'm going to run a review of some of my favorite records of all time, the ones that I think are the classic joints, my own "Desert Island Discs" list if you will. I'll even give you a teaser: Last night, while conversing with a few of my friends, I suggested that Endtroducing might just be my favorite album ever. Apparently Mr. Shadow (I feel like The New York Times-- one of the funniest things I ever read was in an old Times review of a Wu Tang show, where they kept referring to ODB as "Mr. Bastard," but I digress) and Island Records agree that Endtroducing is indeed the bees knees, as it's about to be re-released with a whole bunch of tacked on crap.

So anywho, sit tight kiddies! More of the MSF goodness is coming your way soon!

And oh yeah... I got another letter published in Altercation! This one talks about the RIAA business that I wrote about on Saturday, and I even snuck in a plug for this very blog! HOLLA AT THE KID!

And oh yeah... to any peeps who may have found their way here from firedoglake (good lookin' out on the shout Jane, much love) or perhaps even the aforementioned Altercation, welcome! I hope that my mostly musical ramblings are not too inane, and at the very least, help you kill a few minutes of time while serving The Man at work. Please do leave comments and let me know what you think. Constructive criticism is always welcome and indeed appreciated, as are the giving of props and even marriage proposals, if you're so inclined!

Back later today (hopefully!)...

UPDATE: Since a few people have told me that they have attempted to comment on this blog yet were unable to do so for some reason (I have no idea why, I didn't think it was that hard), I tried to install Haloscan on this page, because in my experiene it is alot easier and alot cooler to use. But, being that I have next to no real HTML knowledge, I don't know if it worked. Right now, it doesn't appear that it has. I am going to keep fiddling and try to figure this out, because I can't imagine it's all that difficult. If anyone has some helpful hints, be sure to get at me and let me know. Also, noting that I'm an HTML idiot (and kinda lazy to boot), if someone wants to fill me in on how to put pretty pretty pictures up here, that might be cool too.

Putting 'Em On The Glass

2005-04-23T23:50:00.000-04:00

I'm a little heated right now. I'm about to put the RIAA on blast. I'm sliding in a fresh clip and cocking back the hammer, cuz I'm about to put some fools on the glass, Sir Mix-A-Lot style.

First, read this.

Or, for those that didn't click that link, or might have missed the larger point, there's this summary by the Music Business Journal here:

"A Daily Texan article shares some startling numbers about the Recording
Industry Association of America's (RIAA) litigation campaign: The RIAA has
settled 8,423 suits with an average settlement of $3,000. The Daily Texan
works out that this is a total of $25,269,000.00 (twenty five million two
hundred and sixty nine thousand dollars) and the newspaper claims that not a penny of which goes to the artists." (Emphasis mine)

Anyone else see why I'm heated? For years, the RIAA has been waging their war on P2P services and file traders in the name of the artist. "You're taking money out of the pockets of your favorite artists! If you loved these musicians as much as you say you do, you wouldn't share their files!" And now, you come to find out that these artists, these starving musicians are seeing all of... absolutely nothing from this crusade, and the RIAA is keeping it all for themselves.

But see, I'm not all that surprised by the fact that the RIAA is holding onto this easy almost $26 million dollars. Because the RIAA is the legal action arm of the five major record labels. The same five major record labels that fuck artists all the time on there contracts, sometimes only giving a dollar per record sold (after money spent on videos, promotion, and advance is recouped, of course). Most artists make most of their money on the road touring-- are you that surprised, looking at that contract? Unless you're a superstar, you've gotta sell a boatload of records to make serious money.

And that's why I never felt guilty about downloading music. I wasn't naive enough to believe that me downloading an album made all that much of a difference to an artists bottomline. And when I read a prominent rock manager say in Rolling Stone a few years ago something like "If you can guarantee me that the tour is sold out, I'll give away 500,000 copies of the album," I was convined all the more. Hell, the Offspring (back when some people still cared about the Offspring) tried to give away their album online, only to be sued by their record label. Weezer encountered the same thing.

And you know what? In a way, downloading-- or stealing, if you choose to look at it that way-- a bands music often led me to putting more money in their pocket, when all was said and done. There have been literally scores of bands that I've discovered through downloading, albums I never would have been willing to take a risk on. But through hearing that album and discovering that band, I'll spend money to go to their show. Might even buy some merchandise. I'm giving far more money to the band than I would by actually purchasing their record. Think of my download as a promotional cost. The reason the RIAA cares-- and is sueing the very fans that support its indsutry-- is because they are the ones that are getting screwed, not the bands you love.

And make no mistake, as much as major labels cry about downloading, it's an incredible promotional tool. I know that it has been postulated on various places, most notably at Altercation (can't find the exact link, but it's in one of the posts that deal with Fiona Apple), that major labels have deliberately leaked albums, as a promotional tool.

And it definitely is. Without file sharing, sites like Stereogum and Music For Robots and Fluxblog probably don't exist. And sites like those, that get lots of hits, can definitely influence opinion and create a buzz. There is still no video hot enough to take the place of word of mouth-- except nowadays, you can tell 10,000 of your friends about a band if your blog gets enough hits.

So, these lawsuits are even more of a joke to me than they were before. If you're going to sue me, at least tell me that at least part of my money is going back to Bloc Party and Eminem and Thursday and Arcade Fire and...

-- Since were putting things on blast tonight, why don't we just go ahead and cook up a mess of meth, why don't we?

What I don't understand is how the meth scourge hasn't hit the East Coast yet. I swear that I read about meth in Rolling Stone when I was still in high school, so that's gotta be at least 5-6 years ago. I would figure that meth would have made it here by now. Maybe you don't have as much wide open space in New York, so there's no place to stash a trailer and turn it into a meth lab. Or maybe I'm just broadcasting that I'm simply an out of touch, middle-class suburban kid who has no idea what's really going on?

And yeah, I know that most of the really large meth labs are housed out West, largely fueled by illegal Mexican immigrants (at least I do now, after reading Jane's piece). But I would have figured that given five to six years, some enterprising drug dealer would have figured out a way to penetrate the East, and turn it into the next hot drug a la Ecstasy. I mean, these are the poeple that figured out a way to push heroin, another horrific drug. I would have figured that meth, for as horrible as it is, would at least be on its way to achieving that "cool" drug status like Ecstasy was for a minute, or cocaine in the 80's.

I hope that Jane is wrong. I hope that it doesn't take meth breaking big on the East for this side of the meth story to get national attention and a serious push from politicians to stop it. I hope that we won't have to wait ten years, for the meth version of Traffic to hit theaters before anyone stands up and take notice.

Get 'Em Daddy (Daddy Got 'Em)

2005-04-22T01:00:00.000-04:00

OK, so basically, what's going on here is that I'm gonna give y'all a little bit of a rundown of some of the music that I've been feeling lately. It's basically a mini-version of what Stereogum and other sites do every month. I hope to be able to do this fairly frequently, because there are alot of times I want to spread some love and shout out some songs, but not necessarily entire albums. By nature, since by and large I'm gonna be talking about single tracks (although albums I don't feel like writing full length reviews for will get mention too, as you'll see), a lot of the tracks are coming from various mixtapes. A lot of times, some ridiculous stuff gets put out on mixtapes and never gets released on albums, whether because it's a freestyle, or an MC jacking someone else's beat, or for who knows why. In some instances, some people's mixtapes are better than their official albums (uhm, Jadakiss... yeah, I'm lookin' at you). Just a sample of what I've been puttin' on blast recently:

Cam'ron feat. Hell Rell - Eye of the Beholder
I've been pumping this track for about a week straight, it's just ridiculous. I used to think that Cam and the Dip Set were weak nonsensical rhymers, but largely through the outstanding Purple Haze album and various mixtape cuts, that opinion is starting to change (although there are still times when you have absolutely no idea what the fuck any of the Dips are talking about and there songs make no sense). You have Cam being his usual brash, cocky self on the intro, declaring "They say beauty's in the eye of the beholder. That's why I look in the mirror every morning and realize how fly I am. They wanna know what label I'm signing to. I'm the CEO of Diplomat Records, I signed myself-- getcha cake up!" The beat is bananas, with an epic, operatic intro giving way to a pulsing, thunderous beat, the kind that Killa Cam rides so well. I've been walking around the office all week chanting the chorus to myself as I go about my business. When you're walking around the office mumbling, "Get 'em Daddy! Daddy got 'em!"... well, people have started to wonder a little about me.

Papoose – Sharades
When hot new rhyme slinger Papoose declares “Give me the keys to Shyne Po handcuffs/Give me the keys to Lil Kim handcuffs/ Give me the keys to C-Murder handcuffs, so I can tighten ‘em and let the cell slam shut,” the first reaction is “What!? He said what? Who is this guy?” But if you let the song play out, you’ll realize that ‘Poose is not trying to replace 50 as the most hated man in hip hop, but speaking from the perspective of a member of the infamous “hip hop police,” members of the NYPD who have supposedly been watching rappers and having a heavy presence at various hip hop spots, in hopes of stopping violence. While hip hop certainly has its fair share of violence, and the recent shooting outside of Hot 97 associated with the 50 Cent/Game beef does show that maybe these po-po’s are not far off, obviously rappers feel that it is a case of guilt by association and racial profiling (Papoose bluntly titled a freestyle “Fuck The Hip Hop Police”). It's something of an interesting debate-- are these police over stepping their bounds and unfairly scrutinizing (mostly black) youth due to assumptions derived from an extremely small and biligerent section of an entire culture, or are they simply acting intelligently to prevent further violence and innocent bloodshed? From a lyrical standpoint, it is extremely interesting, as Papoose does a nice job of inhabiting the mind space of an individual so clearly unlike himself, with an obvious axe to grind—and ‘Poose gets props for doing a role playing song and not making it extremely cheesy (unlike, say, 50’s “Baltimore Love Song”).

While we’re on the topic of shady police… FUCK THE NYPD. Now, don’t’ get it twisted—there are plenty of good cops out there, doing there jobs and keeping us safe. I have respect for them. But I have no respect for bitch ass cops who hand out shady tickets for such heinous crimes as… spitting! That’s right kids, your boy got a ticket on Monday night coming out of the Subway on my way to Yankee Stadium, and ran into a crew of transit cops conducting “full enforcement” against such viciousness as spitting and smoking inside the transit station. The funniest part of the whole thing? The ticket reads that “the police officer observed respondent spitting on the mezzanine floor, creating an unsanitary condition.”

Whatever… does this mean I can start mailing tickets to George W. Bush, for creating “an unsanitary condition” out of my country? Anywho…

Foxy Brown – Art of War
For someone who has been in the game for nine years (as she reminds us on this track a few times), I’m amazed that it took some producer that long to sample Hendrix’s “Foxy Lady” and let her ride it. Maybe it took the recent spate of rock samples in hip hop recently (Lil’ Jon even went so far as to sample fucking Slayer on his album) for this to happen, and the cynical among you may say it’s a cheesy attempt to get back in the game, and you might not be wrong. Especially since this is someone, after Def Jam shelved her 2003 album Ill Na Na 2, that needed Jay-Z to come rescue her (and squash whatever drama existed between the two of them) just to get back on the radio. But I think it’s an entertaining song, and the Hendrix sample is freaked nicely. Nothing amazing lyrically, but it's good to hear the sexy smooth voice of Inga Marchand ripping a track properly once again, as it takes me back to my days as a youngster just exploring the world of hip hop. With President Jigga standing firmly behind her (and reportedly dropping verses on as many as three cuts from her forthcoming new record), this is likely only the beginning of Foxy’s return to the game.

Memphis Bleek – Like That
A few years ago, I read an interview with Jay-Z declared that he thought Memphis Bleek and Beanie Sigel would sell more if they weren’t on the same label as Jay, if they weren’t constantly compared to the God MC. At the time, that sounded like Jay just throwing props to his boys way, as well as trying to push up sales of his own label's releases—but now, I’m not so sure. Having Jay-Z as your label boss and benefactor, playing the Godfather role and directing your career is a little like having Eminem guest on your track-- if he really wants to, he can make you look silly on your own damn track (which is just what Nas said Em did to Jay himself on "Renegade," for example). Just about any MC is gonna suffer when compared to the S. Dot, but when your supposedly his handpicked successor? You better be real nice. And to a certain extent, Bleek has suffered from this comparison, and were he not signed to the Roc, he may have been better able to carve out his own niche in the rap game (dude is on his fourth album). Mr. "I got my mind right, money right, ready for war" talks about such issues here.

Not that this song proves that Bleek is a lyrical slayer or anything, but his flow sounds real nice over the Swizz Beats production. The beat is a typical sounding Swizz production, while Bleek wraps his smooth Marcy flow over the beat and simply rides it. While nothing amazing, it's a good boastful, party-flavored track, and sure to be a hit in the clubs and in car stereos throughout the East Coast this summer.

And speaking of Swizz, is he campaigning to be Vice-President in the new Hova regime? I mean, first he uses Jay’s voice on two of his recent hits, T.I.’s “Bring ‘Em Out” and Cassidy’s “I’m A Hustla.” (And is it any wonder that the sampled voice of Jigga helped kick down the door to East Coast radio for T.I. and made people forget that "Hotel" song that Cassidy did with R. Kelly that me and my friends love to make fun of? I hope my man Shawn is cashin' checks off those joints). Now, he goes and produces Jay’s boy, Bleek. I half expect to see Swizz outside of the Def Jam offices wearing a sandwich board that says “I Heart Jigga (Please Let Me Produce The Comeback Album).”

Garbage – Sex Is Not The Enemy
You know, Bleed Like Me surprised me. I wasn’t expecting much, as it certainly seemed like Garbage's time had come and passed and that they were trying to hold on to some vestige of their mid-90's success. While it is nothing truly mind blowing, and it’s not likely to gather any new fans, but it’s certainly better than the aimless Beautiful Garbage. And it’s tracks like this which remind you of their previous Version 2.0-era brilliance. It is what Garbage do best—the merger of hard, aggressive guitars with poppy electronica, topped off with Shirley Manson’s ballsy, suggestive lyrics. I agree with both of Manson's assertions on this album: that "a revolution is the solution," as well as the fact that "sex is not the enemy." This track should rule commercial rock radio this summer if someone's smart enough to release this as a single, and it'll probably end up on a few of my mixtapes at some point.

Ivy – In The Clear album
This is a very nice mood record, as it merges chill electronica with sugary pop guitars. You can put it on when doing something as simple as cleaning your apartment, as I’ve read in at least one review, or when you’re just enjoying a glass of wine by yourself after a long day. It also makes a pleasant late night driving album, as the grooves will let your mind unwind. You definitely have to be in the mood for this record (I wouldn’t necessarily recommend that you put it on at 3 PM, for example, or before going to the gym), but if you’re in the mood for something chill, something that sounds a little like a more rock-influenced version of Groove Armada, featuring icily seductive female vocals up front, you could do worse than to give In The Clear a few spins.

I've also been listening to cuts off the forthcoming Alkaline Trio album, Crimson, but will wait til I can find some better quality rips to write a full review of it. In any event, it's fun, entertaining, aggressive dark humored pop-punk, of the variety that the Trio do so well. The legions of Trio fans shouldn't be disappointed, but again, I'll write about this more fully later.

-- Oh, BTW, I had a letter published by the good Doctor, Eric Alterman, a few days ago (scroll down to the correspondence section).

-- And oh yeah, I won the Liberal Stereotype of The Day today, apparently (it's kind of hard to understand unless you read this post (and the comments). I heart you, Jane (hehehe).

-- 29 Thoughts On The Apparent Sexiness of Britney Spears' Pregancy. Hiliarity ensues.

-- Question: Which Total Moron Are You?

Happy Birthday, Miss Sharapova

2005-04-19T13:22:00.000-04:00

Ok, so I just found out that it's Maria Sharapova's 18th birthday today, and ESPN has concocted
this jokey tribute to her.

Well, since I don't have the knowledge, time, or wherewithal to do anything of the sort, I will just say Happy Birthday, and if I could, dedicate Jamie Foxx's song "Let Me Be Your Tennis Ball," performed at the ESPY's a few years ago, to her. Jamie dedicated it to Serena Williams, but let's be real here... Maria or Serena? It's Maria, hands down!

I think Maria clocks in somewhere between No.'s 3-5 on the "Celebrities I'd Consider Amputating An Appendage For A Night With," behind all-time greats Natalie Portman and Anna Paquin (duh).

NOTE: I just wrote this because I'm bored, and because I'm feeling frisky (perhaps it's all of Maya's talk about babymaking-- my lord, this blog is becoming very Maya-centric these days! Although I guess that's alright, since she did get me a job and all), and because Maria Sharapova is fucking hot. But I digress...

I'm gonna try and be back later tonight, after I go to yet another Yankee game, with some reviews of some hot new tracks I've been bumpin' the last few weeks, because my internet is back on at home. Amazing what happens when you plug it in. Perhaps I'll even review the new white-label exclusive I just got in the mail, "Money (We Both Got It, So Let's Fuck)" by Skillz Shved featuring B-Alpz and the Majah Economicz Playaz.

But only if you're nice. Kinda like how the NYPD was not very nice to me last night. So I'll probably be throwin' some shade there way later tonight too, after I drop some science about Cam'ron, Garbage, Papoose, and others.

(That folks, is what we in the industry refer to as a cliff hanger. What industry is that, you may ask? Fucked if I know).

Bomb First (My Reply)

2005-04-19T09:57:00.000-04:00

In honor of the mini-spat that is going on in the comments section between my brother Ben and my soon to be co-worker Maya (she of the incessant smiling, suggestive or otherwise, and repeatedly declarations of her own cuteness-- while it's kinda not cool to big up yourself, I must admit, that Maya is indeed cute-- keep throwin' those suggestive smiles my way, shorty, and it might have to stop being "suggestive," nah mean? Anywho...) I had to title this post in homage to 2Pac. Because, ya know, I read these posts, and the first thing that comes to mind, obviously, is Death Row-Bad Boy/Biggie-Tupac of the late 90's. Can you see it...

You've got readers (all 12 of you) choosing sides, some staunchly against Ben's "It's the 1950's all over again, ain't you heard, bitch?" manifesto of comment 19, some supporting Ben in his effort to set the clock back, others drawn in simply because of Maya's aforementioned feminine charms, family relations being strained... all the makings of a good beef. We cut to...

MTV NEWS with Sway
"The blogosphere was shook up today when beef exploded on formerly little-read blog Mental Sword Fighting as a simple discussion on, of all things, an economics paper, turned nasty. What started out as innocently as a bored college student and a jaded finance professional engaged in "commenting," a common form of blog discussion, has now turned heated. Verbals bombs have been thrown, and the gauntlet has been thrown down. We hit the streets to get the people's reaction.
Nick, 17: "Yo, I'm rollin' wit Maya, for realz. Shorty keeps it gangsta, nowwhati'msayin? And yo, shorty is niiice! You seen pics of that girl? HOT DAMN! I wouldn't mind doin' a lil commentin' wit her, nah mean? Holla!"
Chris, 23: "Seriously, that Maya girl is trippin'. I'm standin' loud and proud for my man B, that guy speaks the truth. Maya thinks she's nice with hers, and she's all big cuz she got this finance job, but she need to recognize, she ain't shit. I'm like, bitch, make me a corndog!"
Christine, 27: "I find Ben's attitude distressing, to say the least. He exemplifies the typical neanderthal male behavior, one which should have been swept out with the Eisenhower administration yet persists to this day. Ben, like most males, is obviously threatened by a woman in a position of power, and seeks to over come his own inadequacies with stereotypical behavior and generalizations on a woman's place in the world. He needs to admit that the problem is with himself, and get into the 21st century. However, Maya herself needs to take steps to empower herself. She cannot sit back and rely on her feminine virtues, for that only plays into the hands of typical male thinking. If she continues to throw herself out there, with that mischievious little smile, saying in effect 'Come get me, boys,' well, she can't be surprised with the reaction she elicits. She's got to recognize that this has become bigger than her and that she represents the American female. We've got to get the girl out of the cave and into the light."

Hot 97 with Angie Martinez
"Yo, what up New York? This is yo girl, Angie Ma, blastin' off here on Hot 97, ya heard! Alright yo, we got the new track from the newest MC in the game, B-Alpz, representin' Washington University- St. Louis in the house! Yo, kid's gonna do big things, he rips it nice! He'll be in the studio next week to holler at us, but right now, let's get into "Hit 'Em Up (Bitch, Economics Iz My Shiznit, Stick to Cookin'):
"Yo, Maya, bitch you crazy
My math leaves you feelin lazy
Two plus two equals four
The kitchen's over there, open the door
Leave your head confused and dazed
I like my doughnuts glazed
Get on that shit, get the pots and pans
Killin' more bitches than the Orkin man
I hit 'em up!

In the Lab with DJ Green Lantern
"Yo yo, what's good New York? It's the Evil Genius, Green Lantern. Hustla's hotline is in full effect, and right now, we got my homegirl, Skillz Shved on the line, hear to speak on her beef with B-Alpz. Yo Maya, what's good?"
"You know how I do, Green. Just kickin' it with my crew, blazin' bunts, drinkin' 40's, servin' these fools lyrically. Basically, same shit, different day."
"True indeed, true indeed. So yo, I heard you got an exclusive joint you wanna drop, right here In the Lab."
"Oh, true indeed. You know you got the streets locked, I had to come to the Evil Genius and air it out, nah mean?"
"No doubt. So what you got for us?"
"The track is called "Money Stacks (I Know Finance, And You Ain't It)." It's produced by Ant from Atmosphere, it's real hard, I had to get that Midwestern feel to it. Had to hit that bitch B-Alpz where he lives, nah mean?"
"Ooooh, this girl is gangsta! Let's get into it!"
"Yo, B-Alpz, you a rookie in this game
I been servin kids since before the fame
There's two things I know: my sexy ass, and money
And you ain't got neither
You burnin' up, feel like you got the fever
Cuz I'm killin' em out here, they needin' first aid
Wreckin' fools from Manhattan to Miami-Dade
I bring the heat, spittin' the true facts
Cuz I got the big ass money stack
Fuck the skillet, I'm servin' you with the gat"

For Immediate Release, Tha Row Records
Having recently been released from prison for the 14th time, Suge Knight, CEO of Tha Row Records, has announced that his label has signed one of the hottest underground rhymespitters, B-Alpz.

"We're real excited to have B-Alpz on the roster, he's gonna take Tha Row back to the top. He's the nicest white boy with the pen and pad to come thru since Eminem, and he wanted to fuck with a real gangsta, so he came to the best. I mean, he's got this little beef with that crazy crack head bitch Skilz Shved, but that ain't nuttin'. He came to the right place to handle that shit. I mean, I know beef. I've stomped motherfuckers heads in! I had Tupac killed! Shit's about to get real ugly for anyone who ain't down with Tha Row and B-Alpz. Y'all been put on notice. He's baaaaaack..."

DJ Kay Slay, The Drama King
"Yo, yo, yo, it's the Drama King in the building, you know how we do, I'm causin' problems, takin' food outta people's mouth, stirrin' up that trouble. And I got a new exclusive for ya from the hottest lil' troublemaker in the game, Skillz Shved! That's right, y'all thought Lil' Kim was dope, y'all thought that Foxxy had it on lock, y'all thought that Trina was the baddest bitch-- Dead that. This bitch is on some other shit-- peep how she rocks my man Biggie's tracks on "Who Shot Ya (I Ain't Scared)". Ya heard! Drama King is in the mothafuckin' building, I'm real focused, get at me!
"Yo, B-Alpz, I heard you down with Tha Row
That's cute, bout to be Suge's new lil' hoe
Cuz you know you can't fuck with this flow
You too busy starin' at my tits
To notice me slicin' you into little bits
You might think I'm cute, smilin' all nice
You gotta understand, rhymin's my only vice
I fucked you up, laid you flat on your back
When I come through with this Mack
And I ain't talkin' bout lipstick
Stop riding your boyfriends dick."

MTV News with Kurt Loder
"The ongoing blog war turned rap war, which oddly begun over an innocuous economics paper, took another scary turn today when B-Alpz showed up at The Options Group, where Skillz Shved plies her much discussed finance career. B-Alpz barged through the door with his crew, refusing to listen to the pleas of receptionist Anastacia that "All visitors must sign in!" and made his way to the conference room, interrupting an important meeting by clamoring on top of the table and issuing an ultimatum.
B-Alpz: "What, Options Group ain't got no love for B-Alpz? Y'all ain't got no love for Tha Row? Well, I see how it is, then fuck you too! We ain't got no love for Options Group! Back in the kitchen with all you bitches!"
"Long time observers of hip hop have begun to get extremely worried, as this act by B-Alpz mirrors the exact movements of Snoop Doggy Dogg at the '94 Source Awards, widely noted as a precursor to the East Coast-West Coast violence that claimed the lives of Tupac and the Notorious B.I.G. "
Michael Eric Dyson, professor: You can definitely see the influence of Suge Knight and Tha Row records on B-Alpz with today's display. He's clearly taking the lessons of Suge Knight to heart. All one has to do is look at Billboard to see that B-Alpz's album, The Only Thing I Cook is Crack, is #1, to realize that it hasn't hurt his wallet. But I fear that actions like this will only increase the tension and lead to a tragic, violent conclusion.
"In an attempt to stave off just that type of action, media whores Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson have offered their services as mediators in this rapidly escalating feud, hoping to bring a peaceful end to this epic confrontation. In other news, how do I still have a job? And can anyone get me some cheap botox? Kurt Loder, signing off, for MTV News."

ABC News With Peter Jennings
The worst fears of Hip Hop Nation have been confirmed: We have reports out of Las Vegas that Suge Knight, head of Tha Row Records and cheif supporter of rapper B-Alpz in his bitter battle with sexy rhymestress Skills Shved, has been shot and killed. Knight was on his way to a party after leaving a fight at Las Vegas' Caesars Palace, when a car pulled up alongside and opened fire, hitting Knight, who was in the passenger seat at the time, several times. Knight was rushed to the UNLV Medical Center, where he was pronounced dead on arrival. Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson have expressed dismay about the killing, as they were hoping to bring a peaceful solution. Both expressed a desire to see the killing end here. However, rapper P Dizzle, when reached for comment, had a different take.
P Dizzle: "Yo, what up, it's your boy Sean, a/k/a/ Puffy, a/k/a/ P. Diddy, a/k/a/ Diddle My Wang, a/k/a/ P Dizzle, and I'd just like to say, while it's always sad when a black man dies at the hand of another black man, let's be real. This nigga here, Suge Knight, killed Tupac! The man was a legend, and this nigga killed him, for reals! This nigga is the reason my man Biggie ain't here! Fuck that, I'd spit on his grave!"
Rapper P Dizzle, showing absolutely no respect for the dead. We can only hope that this is the last tragedy that befalls the Hip Hop Nation, and that cooler heads will prevail.

For Immediate Release, Bad Boy Records
P. Dizzle, head of Bad Boy Records, is pleased to announce that he has done what no one else in the Hip Hop Community could do, what even Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson couldn't do, and put an end to the beef between Bad Boy artist Skillz Shved and former Tha Row artist B-Alpz and his crew the Majah Economicz Playaz.
"Ya know, with Suge's untimely passing, I just realized that the man was crazy. I mean, truly fucking crazy. He was gonna get me shot over what, some fucking economics bullshit? That's just stupid y'all. For reals, I'd rather chill in the crib, throw some shade at my girl Maya here, make good music, and stack my money. I'm happy to be out of a bad situation and into a much better one, for realz" B-Alpz announced.
Skillz Shved also expressed pleasure with the deal. "I just realized that Ben's a good kid, and we got caught up in some drama that we shouldn't have. I mean, this shit started on a blog, on Mental Sword Fighting, and we forgot the "mental" part. It wasn't supposed to be no beef, it was supposed to be all love. But we almost took it to the streets and got out the samurai swords, and that shit's not cool. I'm happy we could bring B-Alpz and the Majah Economicz Playaz over to Bad Boy, it's gonna be fun."
P Dizzle is pleased to announce that B-Alpz and Skillz Shved will be hitting the studio within the next week to record a historic collaboration album, Cookin' Up Major Money, which is sure to be a hot seller. Songs will include "Money (We Both Got It, So Let's Fuck)," "Who's Cooking Tonight? (Fuck It, Let's Get Take Out)," "That Smile Ain't Suggestive Anymo'," "Mel Kiper, Jr. Ain't Got Shit On Me (The NFL Draft Wizard)," among others.
"Watch out for Cookin' Up Major Money, that's gonna be a banger, ya heard? Bad Boy Records, takin' over in the '06, bitches! As we proceed to give you what you need, Bad Boy muthafucka!" P. Dizzle happily declared.

P.S. I'm still interested in any and all opinions on the NFL Draft paper, be it from Maya, Ben, anonymous J, or anyone else that would like to chime in. I'm curious to see what you guys come up with. And, if anyone's curious, I'm still gonna be spending the draft the way I always planned: getting drunk, waiting for the Vikins to screw up like they do every year, and making fun of Mel Kiper Jr.'s immaculately coiffed hair.

Announcement/Apology

2005-04-18T09:15:00.000-04:00

Late last night, I was planning on writing a post of some sort when I returned from picking up a friend at the airport. However, upon returning to my house, I quickly determined that half the kitchen floor was covered in water, flooded from a clogged faucet. Needless to say, the next hour and a half was spent cleaning up this aquatic wonderland formerly known as the kitchen, only to discover that a large portion of the basement was also filled with water.

Why is this a big deal to you, the gentle reader? Well, you see, the connection for my home wireless network, among other things, is downstairs. And some of the computer stuff got wet, forcing the unplugging of said equipment in order to dry it out. The network may even have to be reinstalled; thus, I will be without home internet access for at least a short while. Thus, posting on this blog will be difficult.

So, if I post sporadically for the next week or so, you'll know why. The cynical among you may be saying to yourself "Dan's gonna go a week without posting-- isn't that what happens anyway?" And to that I say, Hush! What I plan to do is type things up in Word on my laptop at home, and then save them and post them in the mornings when I get to work. Hoepfully, that will suffice for the time being, until everything gets sorted out and my basement stops resembling a mild swamp (or perhaps a brackish pool of oil, but that image could just be in my mind due to the fact that I just began to read The Prize, by Daniel Yergin).

Just wanted to let you know.

-- One quick thing, though: With the NFL draft only six days away, I thought this was rather appropriate. It is an economic analysis of the NFL draft and the value of the picks and what not, written by two scholars from the business schools of Duke and University of Chicago. When I first heard about/found this paper, I thought that it was the perfect thing to blog about, combining my love of sports with academia. I figured that I'd read the article and then write a large comment on it.

Then, I read the paper and remembered one thing: The only economics I ever took in college was Economics 101. The reason I never explored economics further was because I got a C+ in said Economics 101 (of course, a large portion of the blame there could be laid at the feet of my professor, who was an Argentinian man who barely spoke English and refused to follow the path of my $95 textbook, making that a useless purchase as well as nigh-impossible to study for tests unless you somehow were able to make sense of the chickenscratch on the board, but I digress).
The reason I remembered this was because, well.... I didn't really have a clue what these two professors were driving at in this paper. Oh sure, I understood some general points, and I think I understood their basic premise... but they lost me with all the tables and graphs and economic jargon. So yeah, that being the case, it's obviously extremely hard for me to write an intelligent critique of this paper and whether the ivory-towered academic analysis jives with the blood and guts business of quarterbacks and linebackers.

So, I leave it here for you to peruse if you're interested (I know at least one person who's gonna take a gander at it). Perhaps if any of you read it, you could explain it to me?

UPDATE 11:00 AM: Thanks to J pointing out that the link was not working (for some reason when I type the URL into my browser, it works fine, but when I hit the hyperlink, it does not--weird) on the NFL draft thing. However, you can download the paper from this site here. Hopefully, that will work. Lemme know of any problems.

Real Quick

2005-04-16T01:42:00.000-04:00

Ok, just a few quick things...

-- Maybe I only find jokes about Orel Hershiser funny, but this is fucking hiliarious.
Part of the reason I find this funny is that in 1988, Orel Hershiser set the record for consecutive scoreless innings, with 55. 1988 was also the year that Orel Hershiser and the Dodgers defeat my beloved Mets in 7 games in the National League Championship Series. I was seven, the first year of my baseball fan life. I was crushed.
And you know what? If Bob Ojeda hadn't cut off his fucking finger gardening... well, everything might have been different. How the Hell you manage to cut off the tip of your finger when youre heading to the playoffs, I don't really know. Shit, you play ball, aren't you rich enough to have someone paid to do your gardening!? Then again, without Bob Ojeda's idiocy, we don't have Kirk Gibson's homerun, which might be number one on my list of memorable plays occuring in my lifetime.

-- Yankee fans will love this: Don Mattingly, not a Hall of Famer, but definitely a vindictive asshole.

Shout out to Christie for originally tipping me off to these links. They're funny even if you don't know anything about baseball, but they're particularly amusing if you are familiar with Hershiser and Mattingly.

-- And oh yeah, I want a confession:Who hooked Aaron Heilman up to the juvenation machine and forgot to tell me?

IPM Mix #1: Music For Our Fearless Leader

2005-04-15T15:00:00.000-04:00

Ok, so I know I've gone a few days without posting, and I apologize. However, it is not for the reason that you may think, namely a debaucherous birthday celebration and the hungover haze that would accompany such activities. Rather, it's more like a METS WINNING STREAK HAZE! (Translation: I went to see the Mets play on Monday afternoon and Wednesday night, both games they won. Combined with last night's victory, they are riding a four game winning streak and find themselves with the same exact record as the hated Yankees, this after starting the season a pitiful 0-5.)

Now that we got that out of the way, and I have apologized for keeping my faithful readers (all six of you) in the lurch for a few days, it is time to get on with the task at hand: Namely, the creation of a mixtape for our President, George W. Bush.

Wait, wha....?

Let me explain. A month or so ago, I joined something which is called the International Mixtape Project. Basically, it is a pyramid scheme for mixtapes, in which you are assigned a random person to mail a mix to, and at some point you get a mix mailed to you from some other completely random person. Now, as I've explained my compulsion towards mixtapes before, this seemed like the perfect vehicle to try out various themed mixes I've been dying to create in my head, as well as subject random strangers to my taste in music (Part of the reason why I like mixtapes is because, well... basically, I'm a music snob, and when I pass someone a CD full of dope tracks that they've probably never heard, it makes me look "hip" and thus proves my inherent coolness. No discussion of the psychological motivations behind my desire to prove my worthiness through my record collection, thank you very much).

Which brings us up to now, in which I was "assigned" to make a slammin' little CD for a fine gentleman from Sandy Eggo, Kalifornia. Now, being that this particular gentleman happens to reside on the Left Coast, I figured it would be the perfect time to create a CD I've been dying to put on blast-- namely, a mix full of NY hip hop MCs shouting out and representing the best goddamn state in the Union, New York. What better way to show pride in where you're from, to "represent"? Do I know if dude likes hip hop, or cares about New York? Certainly not. Do I care? Hell no!

But then, inspiration struck, forcing me to push back the planned NY mix a month. The inspiration came here, from one of my favorite bloggers, Jane from Firedoglake. Riffing on a recent New York Times article about what is on President Bush's iPod, Jane asked "So, what would you like to say to George via his iPod?" Immediately, I fired off a comment listing a handful of songs that came to my mind (all of which are on my iPod), and voila! My first IPM mix, merging two seemingly disparate interests into one! So, without further ado, I bring to you:
(BTW, if you have any interest in joining the International Mixtape Project, hit my man Ryan off with an email at International.Mixtape.Project@gmail.com and send him your name and mailing address.)

International Mixtape Project Mix #1: Music To Fill George W. Bush's Head (Because Something Has to Take Up The Empty Space)

1. Public Enemy - Welcome To The Terror Dome
Every good mixtape needs to start with a bang, and this is doubly so when composing a tape for the Dubs. What better way to capture his attention and display my anger than the black rage of Chuck D and the mind-bending production of the Bomb Squad, from the seminal album Fear of a Black Planet? The song is fifteen years old, yet it still resonates. By far, my favorite Public Enemy song ever (I even titled my second-ever post on this here blog Welcome To The Terror Dome, in homage).
An aside: Remember when Chuck D used to call Public Enemy "the black CNN"? I don't think that's something he'd aspire to today... and who's "the black Fox News"? 50 Cent?
2. Thurday - War All The Time
Lyrically, this song talks about the "war" of growing up in today's society, rather than actual bombs and guns, but I'm sure G-Dubs would appreciate the title, since he seems bound and determined to involve this fair nation in a state of war, all the time. The subtle, rolling guitars are beautiful, and lyrically, Geoff paints a rather frightening picture of modern day America: "We grew up too fast, falling apart like the ashes of American flags. The sun doesn't rise, replaced it with an H-Bomb explosion, a painted jail cell of blood in the sky like Three Mile Island. Nightmares on TV, they used to sign us to sleep, they burn on and on like an oil field, or a memory of what it felt like to burn on and on and not fade away." Just a powerful, emotion-filled song-- my favorite cut from my favorite album of 2003.
3. Ministry - NWO (New World Order)
C'mon, you know that if anything, Dubya would get a kick out of the sampled voice of his ideological idol, Ronald Reagan. He probably wouldn't pay attention to the rest of the song, and the pounding industrial rhythms would probably hurt his ears, but he'd at least dig the Gipper.
4. Interpol - Evil
Because, quite frankly, George W. Bush is evil.
5. The Killers - Everything Will Be Alright
This song, much like Bush's presidency, is a rambling, over blown, largely incoherent mess. When 2008 arrives, I pray that everything will be alright (although I don't have much hope).
6. Metallica - One
Here, we once again return to the war theme, because it seems to be what gets Dubya all hot and bothered. This song, inspired by Dalton Trumbo's fantastic novel Johnny Got His Gun, illustrates in vivid detail shows the horrific consequences of modern war. I doubt that the image of an armless, legless, deaf mute WW I land mind victim would make much of an impact on our Fearless Leader, but at least he could rock out to the explosive drums and fierce guitars and maybe flash back to his days as a coke snorting, booze guzzling jerk off frat boy.
7. Monster Magnet - Negasonic Teenage Warhead
"Me and myself killed a world today. Me and myself got a world to save." No further explanation necessary.
8. Muse - Sing for Absolution
If things keep going the way they're going, we're all going to be on our knees, singing for absolution.
9. Radiohead - Electioneering
"I will stop, I will stop at nothing. Say the right things when electioneering, I trust I can rely on your vote. When I go forwards, you go backwards and somewhere we will meet.When I go forwards you go backwards and somewhere we will meet. Ha ha ha. Riot shields, voodoo economics,it's just business, cattle prods and the I.M.F. I trust I can rely on your vote."
Yeah, I think G-Dubs understands this one real well. Can't you see him pushing up the knob on the Oval Office stereo and telling Rovey baby to get in their and rock out with him?
10. Creedence Clearwater Revival - Bad Moon Rising
The boys at one of my new favrite blogs, The Decadent West noted puzzlement with G-Dub's affinity for John Fogerty. The obvious choice here would be to go with "Fortunate Son," yet I refuse to be that obvious. Besides, I think that this song is more appropriate. Let's be honest, if you don't think there's a bad moon rising over America, you've lost your fucking mind. My favorite CCR tune, to boot.
11. Z-Trip featuring Chuck D - Shock And Awe
Twenty years in the game, Chuck D still ain't calmed down, and this track finds him in perfect form. Z-Trip gives him the pulpit, in the form of a righteously bombastic beat, from which to let loose verbal automatic fire over all kinds of things. Chuck D can sometimes become a caricature of himself, but when he's on, he's fucking on. Modern hip hop needs more songs like this, less "Candy Shop."You know when Dubs throws this on, he just has to cue up the video highlights of thje "Shock And Awe" campaign and just rock out. Which brings us to...
12. System of a Down - B.Y.O.B. (Bring Your Own Bombs)
When singer Serj harmonizes "Everybody's goin' to the party, have a real good time, dancin' in the desert, blowing up the sunshine" over the chorus, you know Dubs is feelin' him. That whole bit about "Why don't Presidents fight the war? Why do they always send the poor?" Probably not so much. Probably the only song to ever cast the Iraq war as one giant party in the desert (tongue firmly planted in cheek).

So there it is. Think I should send a copy to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue?
And if you never read another post from me, you know the Secret Service got me and I'm probably rotting away in Guantanamo Bay. Constitution? What Constitution? We don't need no stinkin' Constitution!

Other Odds and Sods

Since it's been a week or so since I've posted anything of note (I apologize once again, I'm trying to get more reliable, and I've got some good shit coming soon-- at least I think it's good), I thought I'd hit you off with some links and what not to help you pass the time between the feverish refreshing of this page (Maya, I'm looking at you).

-- This picture is so gangsta. I love cats. [link via Poplicks]

-- Chuck Palahniuk, author of Fight Club and other novels, has an interesting little essay,
here. Like most of Palahniuk's work, it's a little bizarre and off-center, but I found it thought provoking. Discuss.

-- If you're thinking about moving (as I hope to sooner rather than later), than this little utility, merging Google maps and Craiglist, will be invaluable to you. Anyone else think that Google is rapidly taking over the world? [link originally found through All Things Christie.]

-- My idol, the Sports Guy, shouted out where I live here (scroll down to the second to last paragraph). Technically, I don't live in Port Chester, but considering that if you put it Port Chester as my mailing address, I receive the mail, I'm claiming it for these purposes. This will be the first and only time that I claim to be from Port Chester (not that Rye Brook is that much better, but still...). And no, I don't know where this Sam's bar is. But believe me, if it still exists, I will before the weekend is out! (An aside: When the Hell was the Sports Guy, a Boston native who went to Holy Cross, doing playing bar shuffleboard in Port Chester, on what appears to be several occasions, no less? A better question: Why do I care?)

-- I heartily recommend that everyone, but especially my female readers (because it is geared more towards them) figure out Which Desperate Housewife Are You? I took it, and it told me that I am Lynette, the extremely stressed, sometimes overly medicated homemaker. I don't know exactly what this indicates, as I've only seen the show a few scattered times, but... I'm a little worried.

-- If you like hip hop, you've got to check out this site. It's hiliarious.

-- Pitchfork says that my new favorite band, Bloc Party, have scheduled more US tour dates. Who wants to go to Webster Hall on June 14/15 to see them with me!?!

That's all for now. Holla at the kid!

24

2005-04-11T10:06:00.000-04:00

Ok, so I've got a lot of stuff I want to/can talk about today. I definitely want to talk about Pedro's gem yesterday and the Mets for a minute (I feel I can finally talk about them again, now that they're not gonna go 0-162 for the season, but I'm going to wait until after today's home opener, in which I will be in attendance). I want to comment on the Yankees game I went to yesterday (GOD BLESS LIVE BASBEALL! God bless the Yankees losing!), and I want to put up some more music reviews, and some other shit.

But right now, that's not that important. Because...

Today, I turn 24.

Wow. I'm fucking old...

So, as mentioned earlier, I will be spending the afternoon at Shea Stadium, and then hopefully going out somewhere with some friends to celebrate. So, don't expect much in the way of blogging today-- check back in tomorrow, I should have some more shit for that ass. But leave me a comment/birthday wish, if you please!

Slug and Murs: Closet Indie Rock Fans!?

2005-04-08T09:42:00.000-04:00

Lookee what I found in my inbox yesterday:

SLUG AND MURS LAUNCH ROCK LABEL IMPRINT, WOMEN RECORDS, THROUGH RHYMESAYERS. VOX VERMILLION ALBUM SLATED AS DEBUT RELEASE, OPENING ATMOSPHERE DATES.
It's an unlikely scenario, to say the least. Two stalwarts of underground hip-hop launching a rock imprint through one of America's most respected hip hop labels. Women Records, the brainchild of Slug (Atmosphere) and Murs, was founded as an outlet to release music of the bands that they were discovering in their hometowns (Minneapolis and LA, respectively) and while on tour."Murs and I started Women due to the fact that we had become friends with so many bands that we liked, who needed to get their music heard. Rather than continue to just loan money to these kids to self release their albums, we decided to use our experience to help create a vehicle for them," explains Slug. Women quickly inked an imprint deal with Rhymesayers Entertainment, building on Atmosphere's long-time relationship with the label, as well as shared vision and staunchly independent ethos.
Vox Vermillion's debut album, Standing Still You Move Forward, is set as the inaugural full length release* for Women/RSE, May 19th. The St. Paul, MN based co-ed quartet's sound is distinctive: while a two-keyboards, bass, drums sounds like an easy recipe for a dance punk or nu new wave ensemble, Vox Vermillion stay off the dance floor. The band's sound subscribes to a warm indie-pop classicism, their piano-propelled punch reminiscent at times of both Denali and Spoon. Frontwoman Kelly Crawford's vocals are dynamic - veering from lush and dramatic to terse and restrained.

That's dope. I do think it's a little odd that two indie hip hoppers are suddenly starting an indie rock label, but hey, what do I care? I'm a real big fan of Atmosphere (more God Loves Ugly than Se7en's Travels, and don't even try to slap me with that "emo-rap" tag. I much prefer when Slug simply rips it, like "Onemosphere," "Twomosphere," "Threemosphere," "Bass and the Movement," and others. To me, Slug is so much better when he's eviscerating the competition in battle rap mode over a hard hitting Ant beat than when he's whining about his ex-girlfriend. It's why I don't much care for Lucy Ford, for example.) Murs' Murs 3:16: The 9th Edition was a quality album, with 9th Wonder on the boards. And Hell, you can't really front on the collabo between Slug and Murs, Felt: A Tribute to Christina Ricci (Giving props to Christina Ricci is always cool in my book).

With Thursday's Geoff Rickly's Astromagnetics label starting to drop product in the coming weeks, it looks like I'm gonna have a couple boutique labels run by artists that I appreciate to keep an eye on in the coming weeks.

But yo, I thought that Slug/Atmosphere started Rhymesayers? He's always dropping things like "Rhymesayers for life!" on his tracks... then again, how many artists shout out their labels only to get dropped like a year later? Regardless, I still want one of those black Rhymesayers windbreakers-- that shit is dope.

And I'm real curious to hear what Vox Vermillion and Standing Still You Move Forward sounds like. I might see if I can cop a promo copy...

Bloc Party Rock The Bloc(k)

2005-04-07T19:13:00.000-04:00

Note: This post was supposed to go up last night, when I wrote it, but Blogger.com was on the fritz and I couldn't post it last night, hence the date stamp of Thursday mid-evening.

Ok, as I think I've now stated twice on this lil' ol' blog, Bloc Party's Silent Alarm is my favorite album to drop so far in the Year of the Nickel (like that?). Now, let me tell you why...

I am usually really flighty when it comes to my music. I'll find an album I like, play the shit out of it for a week or two, then I get bored with it and don't play it very much (Game's The Documentary is a good example-- I think it's an excellent album, probably the best hip hop album I've heard so far this year, but it doesn't get nearly the same amount of burn it used to round my way). It sinks into my brain, I know I dig it, and then I discard it for whatever new thing I've found, to come back to it on occasion. Rarely do I find myself rocking albums for more than a month (the last album I really lived with, before Silent Alarm, was Interpol's Antics).

Part of the reason why Silent Alarm has had staying power for me is that it is one of those rare albums where I constantly find a new "favorite" song on the album every three or four days. Usually, I find an album-- even a really good/great album-- and find two or three tracks that stand out to me, which I play several times until I get sick of them. It's not that the other songs are bad, it's just that they don't hit me as hard. However, there are a handful of albums where I'll start out really really liking a few songs, and then just as I'm getting bored of them, I'll discover a new song or two, get bored, then find another song. These are the albums that I define as classics in my book-- the ones that grow on you, where every song at one time or another has made you stand up and go "Hot damn!"

For me, I discoverd Bloc Party through the song "So Here We Are," oddly enough by hearing it on the radio (only time I've ever heard any Bloc Party on the radio round here, by the way). The lush guitar intro and soft spoken melody hooked me, and I was struck with one thought: This would is a perfect mixtape song (I'm compulsive about making mixes. Even when I haven't made one in months, I'm always looking for songs that'll fit on some upcoming mix, which is a nice segue into a post I have planned for the next few days). I had to go and download the album.

From there, it was fuckin' on. "So Here We Are" lead me to "Banquet," which lead me to "Positive Tension," which gave way to the album closers "Plans" and "Compliments," which soon lead me to "This Modern Love." Soon after, I realized that just about every damn song on the album would sound good on a mixtape. Seriously, you could probably pimp 6-8 singles off of this album-- there's a reason why every hipster you know, if they aren't busy sweating M.I.A. (who's dope), is creaming for Bloc Party like they're Turn On The Bright Lights-era Interpol (Am I the only one who thinks Antics beats the pants off Bright Lights, by the way?)

Silent Alarm is an album made by four gifted musicians, four musicians who are so completely in synch with each other. It's as if, simply on instinct, each band member is aware of the limitations and abilities of the other and tailors the song writing to support each member. It's as if all four guys are excellent NBA point guards, each looking for their own shot, but more interested in getting the ball to the teammate flashing out to the wing, knowing exactly where he wants it and hitting him for a wide open three. Rarely do you see bands with such singular purpose, such knowledge of self and fluidity within each and every song.

The band has an amazing ability to provide different moods and flavors throughout the album. Thus, depending on your mood at any given time, you can find a song to fit it. If you're feeling the need to pump your fist and stomp your feet, the hard charging "Banquet" is your jam, complete with subtly subdued growls and vocalist Kele Okereke's chanting of "You know I'm on fire, so stomp me out!" Or, you can go with "Positive Tension," which starts out slow and moody before exploding into guitar pyrotechnics in the last minute and a half.

Or, if you're not quite ready to totally rock, you can turn to the rolling grooves of "This Modern Love," which feature gorgeous melodies and Okereke's plaintive queery "Do you wanna come over and kill some time?" The song builds slowly, starting with soft guitar strumming and tentative drumming before progressing into rolling bass and building to Kele's conclusion that "This modern love wastes me, this modern love breaks me..." "Plans" is along the same vein, starting out slow before building to its triumphant peak.

However, if you're in a more contemplative and chill mood, Bloc Party have your back there too. For that, you must turn to "Compliments," which perfectly ends the album. This song is particularly good for the late night drive home after an evening of fun, as the band create a somber, haunting mood. This is one of those songs that, if heard at the wrong time, seems like nothing special, yet heard at the right time can be positively magical. There has been many a night when I, driving home from a friends house with the daunting task of another day of work staring me in the face only hours away, have thrown "Compliments" into the old CD player and just let my mind slide away for five minutes. It is truly an exquisitve pop song.

And that, really, is the genius of Bloc Party. Every song on the album is so damn catchy, the melodies clawing their way into your brain, yet it is done with intelligence rather than crass cheesiness. It is meticulously crafted pop goodness, an album too bold, too beautiful, too perfect to be ignored. If you emotionally invest yourself in this album, it pays a world of dividends. It rocks, it rolls, it dances, it shakes, it slows down and it speeds up, never losing sight of the groove, never taking the listener for granted.

Silent Alarm has basically been the soundtrack of my life for the past three months, and I still haven't gotten tired of it. I'm still constantly throwing Silent Alarm back in the old car CD player or cranking it on the iPod as I slide out of work, still discovering new little quirks and bits that dazzle me, still finding new "favorite songs on the album." Nothing I've heard so far in '05 (The Year of the Nickel!) has come close to touching me, to capturing me, the way Silent Alarm has. There's alot of mixtapes to be made in the near future with Bloc Party on blast!

(Also, if you like Silent Alarm, you should grab a copy of the Bloc Party EP, which collects the first few pre-Silent Alarm singles in one nice, easily digestible package. It contains an early version of "Banquet," as well as the brilliantly catchy "Staying Fat." In addition, there are several exquisite remixes floating around by the likes of M83 (Before The Dawn Heals Us also gets high marks from me in the Year of the Nickel) and Four-Tet, among others. In addition, Kele sings vocals on "Believe" on Push The Button, the somewhat underwhelming new Chemical Brothers album.Supposedly, the boys are already back in the studio, writing their next record, which is supposed to be "more lush" than this one. And oh yeah they're apparently pretty damn good live, too.)

Maynard Update

2005-04-07T09:48:00.000-04:00

FINAL MAYNARD UPDATE: Once again, this from MTV News: It is indeed a hoax.

"I was actually quite surprised people bought it. Especially considering most of the subject matter of my work. 'Judith,' for example. I guess when I said 'fuck your god,' I didn't mean the actual God. Just the god of sheep who lack a sense of humor."

I guess I'm one of those "sheep who lack a sense of humor." Because it was so fucking hiliarous. That Maynard-- one funny motherfucker. Now, stop trying to play dumb ass April Fools pranks and put out the new Tool album, ok?
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This from MTV News:

You'll recall that on Tuesday, in the course of looking into Internet rumors
that Tool frontman Maynard James Keenan had found Jesus and was leaving the
band, we e-mailed Keenan and put the question to him directly. His response was:
"i did, in fact, find jesus. More news to follow. God bless ya."
After contemplating this communication, with its
lowercase "j" for "Jesus" and its oddly breezy "God bless ya," we began to
wonder: Was MJK pulling our leg, yanking our chain — in a word, lying to us? We
e-mailed him again and asked flat-out. His response this time: "heh heh."

Jesus.

— Kurt Loder

So, I guess that's as close as Maynard's going to get to issuing a confirmation of the fact that this is a hoax. As it is, I'm inclined to go with Christie on this one.
I've obviously spent way too much time thinking/dealing with this issue. Fuck you Maynard. Give me the new Tool album, like now.

(ALSO: On more actual music related matters, most of the long-promised Bloc Party review is written... at least in my mind, if not on actual paper. I know that most of the blogosphere has already covered this band ad nauseum and it's really nothing new, especially since Silent Alarm leaked ridiculously early-- I downloaded it in mid-January, and I know mad heads had it even before I was up on it-- but I still wanna write something about it. Partially 'cuz I've been promising it for a week now, but mostly because it's a damn good CD and probably the favorite CD I've heard in 2005 so far.

In addition, I am also trying to get a hold of the new Tony Yayo mixtape so I can peep what my favorite G-Unit member's got coming (have high hopes for the full length comin' in June-- don't be waterd down like Banks' Hunger For More, or wack like The Massacre Yayo! Just follow what Young Buck did on Straight Outta Cashville, but keep it NYC grimy, on that crime rap shit you do so well. "Live By The Gun" is a good start, just stick to that hardcore shit and rip it like a mixtape, you'll be all good. If I hear tracks where you're tryin' to romance girls or pop bottles in the club... well, that's no bueno-- You're named Tony fuckin' Yayo for Christ sake!). When and if heads on Soulseek cooperate and let me cop that, I'll run that down along with a few other tracks that I've been feelin'. Just to let all three of my regular readers know what's comin' down the pipe).

P.S. God bless blogging at work...

Maynard Finds Jesus!?!

2005-04-06T00:26:00.000-04:00

Ok, so this isn't exactly the music post I was planning on writing today, but I just had to post about this: Supposedly, Maynard James Keenan, frontman of Tool/ A Perfect Circle, has apparently found Jesus and Tool "will have to take a back seat."

You can read about it here.

Now, as the article states, it hasn't exactly been confirmed, and it may be an elaborate April Fool's Day prank that has run a little long. But...

WHAT THE FUCK?

Even though I am not religious, I do not begrudge people their religious beliefs, as long as they do not try to hoist them upon me or tell me that I'm going to Hell. I certainly do not begrudge a formerly unreligious person suddenly finding religion, for whatever reasons. But this is just bizarre.

Forget for a second that Tool is one of my favorite bands and I'm gonna be pissed if I can't hear anything more from them. Think about who Maynard James Keenan is (or at least what he's given to the public via song, since he's a pretty private guy once the show is over). I mean, this is the man that wrote "Prison Sex," right? The guy that wrote "Judith," or "Opiate," correct? I mean, I used to joke that The 13th Step was the first Maynard-related prokect that didn't contain at least one song with fairly overt anti-Christian/anti-organized religious themes. Everything lead you to believe that there was an extremely deep seated anger and resentment towards organized religion, on more than a strictly intelectual level, that never would have led Maynard to even consider religion as a source of anything but meaningless dogma and suffocating rhetoric.

That's why it's so bizarre, so out of left field. I mean, I guess that guy from Korn, Head, proclaiming himself to be born again was fairly unexpected too. You don't really think of Korn as a band that really believes in God too much either. But really, does anyone care about Korn anymore? And any credibility Head might have had quickly dissipated when he came out with his "attempt" to save 50 Cent (Note to Maynard: Don't do that. If this really is true, don't get all preachy. You weren't like that before, please don't get like that now. Of course, according to the MTV News report, Head called Maynard's announcement a "beautiful, beautiful outpouring of the Holy Spirit." Whatever). And more importantly, there was no backstory with Head, no reason to believe that he was vociferously against religion, no reason to consider that it the last possible place for him to go, as is the case with Maynard. That's why this news is a little bit weirder. Certainly unexpected.

I don't know, that's just not the kind of news I was expecting to find on the Internet at 12:20 in the morning...

Yankee Fans: They Still Suck

2005-04-04T18:38:00.000-04:00

In the first of what will most likely be a long running theme of this blog (because it's just so damn easy), I am going to point out why my hatred of Yankee fans is justified. For example, this would be one of my Yankee fan friends away messages today:

"April 3, 2005 Opening Day at Yankee Stadium will be a day in New York sports that will be remembered FOREVER!"

Uhm, no.

Now, don't get me wrong, as my previous post points out all too well, I'm excited as all Hell by the fact that baseball is here again (and we'll get to the Mets in a moment). But c'mon, what was so memorable about last night? That Randy Johnson pitched well? Shocker! That the Yankees finally stopped the Red Sox Stadium winning streak (at 2, if you were counting)? It's not like the Yankees did anything special last night or made a statement of any sort. They just won a ballgame. As they undoubtedly will continue to do throughout the summer and on into the fall. They should win many games. In fact, by the end of April, if not sooner, most will have forgotten Opening Day (as well they should).

But its statements like that that just prove why I hate Yankee fans. It's the smugness, the know it all attitude, the belief that anything and everything touched by the Bronx Bombers is a gift from the Heavens. It's how, in their twisted little minds, one largely insignificant game turns into "a day in New York sports history that will live FOREVER!" They won a game-- and yes, it was against the Red Sox, and everyone likes to get off on the right foot and all-- but really, big damn deal. It wasn't even that memorable of a game, hardly any drama involved at all. Just one of 162, folks, just one of 162...

I much prefer my friend Rosie's take on it:

"yankee fans are all the same. yes we're all glad you're 1-0 in a 162 game season triumphing against an old drunk fat ass, but how many of those would you have traded for game 4 back? and even though the mets bullpen can't back up 12 k's from pedro, we look forward to seeing you in queens in 7 weeks...come on out and meet the mets, bitches"

Ahhh yes, my Mets...

Where to begin? I wish that I could have been following all the action from my couch with a bag of chips and a beer, rather than at my desk at work feverishly refreshing ESPN.com... but these are the crosses we all must bear. I haven't even seen any of the highlights left, but these are my initial thoughts on this game and the season to come:

- Can't hate on Beltran. It's always nice when your high priced superstar goes 3-4 with a HR, 3 RBI's, missing only a triple for the cycle on his first game out the box. Way to eliminate any fear of starting off slow, my man-- you're making my $250 investment in your jersey look like money well spent, pal!

- Pedro. Wow. Gets through the first inning and the HR to Dunn, and then turns into Pedro of old. Hitless for the next five innings, 9 K's through 4 innings, 12 through 5? Daaaaamn son... looks like Minaya knows what he's doing and all those preseason prognosticators might have been right to pick you for NL Cy Young. Keep dealing like that, buddy, and it's gonna be a fun summer.

- Cliff Floyd. A dinger! Hey now, maybe you can stay healthy, and we'll have a real lineup!

- David Wright hitting 8th. I don't like it. I know it probably won't last, but that's just idiotic. This is a guy who hit 14 homeruns in only 263 AB's at age 21. Everything we saw last year, and his minor league track record indicate that he can handle the major leagues, yet Randolph buries him in front of the pitcher, where he's never going to see anything good to hit. C'mon-- Wright and Reyes are the best young talents we have, put them in a position to excel (gotta love Reyes' 3-5 today-- gotta stay healthy kid!) ! There's no reason why Wright should be hitting behind Cameron or Mientkiewicz. Hit him 5th or 6th, Willie.

- The bullpen. Well, we know it was gonna suck, but did it have to start today? And did it have to be the one guy that Mets fans had some kind of faith in? I mean jeez, when you look at our pen, at least you say "Well, we got Looper, he's good." So what happens? Comes in and turns a 6-4 game into a 7-6 loss. As soon as Dunn's homerun left the yard and tied the game (thus taking a W away from Pedro), I imagine Tom Glavine ambled up to Pedro, patted him on the shoulder, and said "Welcome to the Mets, Petey." Please do something about this, Omar Minaya, and fast. And no, Dennys Baez is not the answer.

Goddamn, it's gonna be a long year... can't wait for next Monday at Shea!

(I swear, not every post is going to be about baseball. Stick with me, I promise. Long promised Bloc Party review will hopefully be up either tonight or tomorrow, depending on whether I read or watch baseball before the UNC-Illinois game or actually sit down and write this thing. It, and many other CD reviews, are coming, I swear!)

AWWW SHIT!!

2005-04-03T23:15:00.000-04:00

"This is war. And every line is about who I don't want to write about anymore."
- Brand New

Warning: From now on until, oh, mid to late October, this blog may get really, really baseball heavy at times. As I type this, it is the bottom of the 8th inning, and the Yankees are winning 9-1. Johnson looked sharp, Wells did not, it's early, doesn't really mean anything-- but baseball is back. It's good to know that it's back, for real. And maybe it was just opening day and everyone was hyped, but it was a little more charged than just a normal regular season game (of course, with the Red Sox-Yankee rivalry the way it is, every game they play is probably going to fall somewhere between "a little more hype for this one" and "seventh game of the ALCS" on the intensity meter).

To all the people that tought the Red Sox finally winning a World Series would quiet down this rivalry: Uh-uh. If anything, the Red Sox taking the title last year has only pushed baseball's version of the Cold War ever closer to nuclear winter. The Sox winning a title has only pushed things to the limit more-- Yankee fans can't chant "1918," Red Sox fans can chant "Year 2000" if they want, the 2004 Sox victory has attempted to slightly balance out the ledger (notice I said slightly). It's almost as if the Yankees and their fans, who consider the World Series their birthright, conveniently forgot or refused to think about the Diamondbacks, Angels, and Marlins. However, the Yankees can't ignore the Sox, can't pretend it's nothing major (because in the Yankee universe it is), so now it's like "Fuckers, yo'uve taken our birthright, and we're getting it back. It's war now." This is the most riveting spectacle in sports right now, ahead of Michigan-Ohio State in football, Duke-UNC in basketball, or Kobe-Shaq in the NBA.

One thing I've said before, and I'll say it again: I can't imagine the kind of pressure that the Yankees are under every day from now until the end of October. Unfortunately, I had to watch the game on the YES Network rather than ESPN, but watching their atrocious coverage pointed out one thing that I found interesting: At the start of the game, a taped A-Rod came on and said something like "The journey to the 27th World Championship starts now." That is the Yankee mindset-- not that we're gonna compete, not that we're gonna be good, but that the World Series is ours. From now until October, it's war. Can you imagine the kind of pressure that is? I mean, the Yankees make no bones about it from the beginning: It's World Series or bust. No other team makes that kind of admission, no other team operates like that, and no other team aspires to such a level of coldbloodness. If anything, it's kind of refreshing, in a way, that the Yankee players make no bones about the fact that they are Steinbrenner's mercenaries sent to bring home the Grail. In no other city does that kind of thinking-- win the World Series or everything you guys have done for the past six months is a complete waste of time and several hundred million dollars-- pervail. It's not the kind of environment I'd want to play in, were I a professional ball player.

And that's got to come into play at some point. You think the Red Sox could have come back from that 3-0 hole in the ALCS if they had that mindset? Probably not. The whole genius of the 2004 Red Sox was that they weren't that mercenary, that even though they deserved to feel more pressure (from not winning the World Series in 86 years, from facing another humiliating, crushing loss to the Yankees), they didn't. Part of what allowed them to finally end the drought was that these guys were "idiots"-- loose guys who didn't let alot of external stuff affect them. Would the Yankees have been able to do what the Sox did? Probably not, and that's cuz of the mindset of the franchise and the clubhouse. Instead, in the Boston clubhouse, those guys were just like "Whatever, dogg. Roberts is gonna steal this base, Papi's gonna rope another one into the night, Schilling's gonna play Willis Reed, it's all good. " I just don't know if thats possible in the Yankee culture, where everyone it seems is waiting on bated breath every day for George Steinbrenner to explode and go off into one of his famous half cocked rants, firing everyone and preaching fire and brimstone.

Man, oh man, it's gonna be a good season. Hot shit, baseball is back!

And you know what? I don't care about the steroid scandal (Alex Sanchez, you're an idiot). I care about the fact that at 2 PM tomorrow, I'll be sitting at a desk at work, bored out of my mind, feverishly checking ESPN.com for score updates, rather than sitting in a seat at Shea or in front of the TV to watch the Mets open up in Cincinnati.

Note: this does not mean that Mental Sword Fighting will become strictly a baseball blog. You will still get my ramblings and weird thoughts (which I haven't really posted any of yet, but they're coming-- all three people who used to read my Collegian column at Kenyon should have an idea of what I'm talking about) as well as music and movie reviews, and other random shit. But if a major trade happens, or the Mets go on a prolonged losing streak, or the Yankees go on a prolonged winning streak and there fans get unbearably smug, you'll hear about it from me here.

Anywho, just wanted to quickly jot down my thoughts of joy about opening day (I'm trying to get better with this whole blogging/posting content thing, seriously), but I would like to give a special shout out to Christie at All Things Christie for being the first person to put me on their blogroll-- I appreciate it! That, along with Jane from firedoglake leaving me a comment on an earlier post (I swear to God, the Bloc Party review is coming, honest)-- it's good to know that people who have blogs that you enjoy reading are at least reading yours and maybe possibly care about your opinion. Good to know the message is getting out there and the gospil is being spread.

That's dope.

Sin City: Doing It Loud And Nasty

2005-04-03T09:24:00.000-04:00

So yesterday, I saw Sin City, the movie that I have been waiting to see for at least a good month now. And let me tell you: It fucking rocked.

The most amazing thing about Sin City is that if you read the comic book, it is almost as if Robert Rodriguez and Frank Miller used it as a storyboard for the movie. Shots in the movie are literally recreated from panels of the comic, exactly as they drawn. It is truly amazing to see Frank Miller's vision so completely and authentically brought to life. Visually, the movie will stun you, as the darkness that pervades the film does a magnificent job of setting the tone and bringing you into the grimy, blackened heart of Sin City. The movie feels like a two hour guided tour of the worst place you've ever seen or heard about in your life, bringing you right to Hell's doorstep.

The cast is spectacular. Clive Owen, coming off King Arthur and Closer, is on the verge of becoming a huge actor, and his performance here does not disappoint. Elijah Wood, playing a deranged cannibal, goes a long way towards making you forget his Hobbit days. Jessica Alba and Rosario Dawson look incredible, and Devon Aoki is extremely smooth as the silent super assassin Miho (similar to the Gogo Yubari character in Kill Bill). And of course, Benicio Del Torro does not disappoint, giving another fine albeit brief performance. And that just scratches the surface-- Bruce Willis, Josh Hartnett, Brittany Murphy, Michael Madsen, Jamie King, Michael Clarke Duncan, Nick Stahl, and others routinely float in and out of the movie.

However, the real revelation of the movie is Mickey Rourke, playing the sick and undermedicated psycho with a heart of gold Marv. Perhaps it is of the makeup that makes him almost unrecognizable, but Rourke delivers a stunning performance. You catch yourself throughout the movie going "Is that really Mickey Rourke?" and then, as the movie progresses, you start to remember that he was a good actor once, and you start to think back to what a great movie 9 1/2 Weeks is. If he chooses more roles like this, Rourke's career comeback will be a success.

The violence in Sin City is often cartoonish and unrealistic, but that is the point-- the original comic was Miller's homage to the crime noir pulp novels of the 40's and 50's made popular by Raymond Chandler, Dashiel Hammett, and especially Mickey Spillane. The comics read like a Spillane Mike Hammer novel on steroids, and that is exactly what shows up on screen. It is interesting that Quention Tarantino, good friend of director Robert Rodriguez, was enlisted as special "guest director," for alot of the violence in Sin City is similiar to Kill Bill, in that it is so extreme and so over the top that you can't help but laugh. Directors Rodriguez and Miller do a fantastic job of weaving the plot lines from three of Miller's graphic novels together into one fairly cohesive story, giving you the whole spectrum of Sin City-- the girls of Old Town, the deranged spectacle of Cardinal Rourke and his crew, and quite simply, the violence and brutality that seeps through the whole place.

All in all, this review does not do Sin City justice. I recommend seeing it for yourself, as it is hard to truly capture the experience in words without having gone to see it yourself. All I know is that due to the hype I had placed on this movie by myself and by the press, I was worried that I would be disappointed. I needn't have worried-- Sin City is one damn enjoyable ride. It certainly challenges the X-Men and Spiderman franchises as the best comic book movies to be made in the last few years. I probably will wind up seeing this movie again, and I'm pretty sure it'll wind up in my DVD collection at some point. It's probably the best movie that I've seen so far this year (although that's not necessarily saying much, seeing as how I've probably only seen about 3 movies in the theaters this year). I heartily recommend it, both as a fan of the original comic and as a fan of original, entertaining cinema. You won't be disappointed.

UPDATE: I found this review by David Edelstein of Slate to be spot on. He articulates "the genius of Sin City" here: http://www.slate.com/id/2115999/

A Few Quick Thoughts

2005-03-28T00:43:00.000-05:00

Ok, since I have gone five days since posting, and some people have been complaining (well, ok, two people-- shout to Jake and Rosie!). But, I ask you, how would I know that anyone is reading if no one leaves any comments? Hmm? Hmm?

Anyway, I figured I'd just post a few quick thoughts on a few things right now, while I have some bigger and more substantial post ideas floating around my head, perculating.

- I've seen two movies the past two weekends: The Ring 2 and Be Cool. Let me say this: Be Cool got ragged on by alot of critics, but it sure was better than the second installment of The Ring (although that might not be saying much). Be Cool won't be confused with a great film, and it probably isn't better than Get Shorty. However, it's a fun movie to watch, it entertains you. Chili Palmer is a great character, and while he doesn't really change much from the first film to the second, it's still fun to visit with him. And hey, you can't really front on a movie with features Uma Thurman, Christina Milian, and Fergie from Black Eyed Peas all looking extremely sexy.

All of which is more than can be said for The Ring 2. I'll be honest-- the first one scared the Hell out of me. I can still vividly remember coming back to my girlfriend's apartment after seeing that in the theater and being afraid to turn on the TV. Me and her made a vow never to watch that movie again, because it definitely had us rattled. So I was a little apprehensive about seeing The Ring 2...

But it never scared me. Not even for a second. I don't know, maybe the magic from the first one disappeared, maybe since the first one and all it's imitations (especially with other Japanese horror flicks like The Grudge coming in mining much of the same tricks), I've grown accustomed to it (although I usually don't like horror flicks). But it just never ever hooked me. The whole movie I was waiting to be surprised, waiting to jump out of my seat, but it never happened. I even sat there and predicted it.

Hopefully, both of those movies will pale in comparison with Sin City. I don't think I've been this hype for a movie since the first Kill Bill dropped. Ever since I saw a Jessica Alba preview poster for the movie, I've been waiting for this. I used to read the comics (I even once got Frank Millers autograph-- I'm a dork), so I was already interested. Combine that with the cast they assembled, and now you see the trailer-- I'm hype. I'll be seeing it next Friday.

Well, there goes a longer than expected movie rant...

-- I've also been downloading a lot of dope ass music lately. Since Soulseek finally fixed their searching problems, I've been on a downloading spree. Some of it is stuff from last year I'm still getting around to checking out or bands I'm just discovering, some of it is stuff that is either just dropping or about to drop in the coming weeks. I haven't had time to digest it all yet, so complete indepth reviews will be forthcoming. However, I will say that right now I'm digging the dance rock grooves of VHS or Beta, the quirky rhythms of M.I.A., Chuck D's collaboration with Z-Trip, "Shock And Awe," chill out from Ivy and the Doves, and lots of other good stuff. As I said, further reviews should be forthcoming.

Speaking of forthcoming reviews, I'm planning on putting up my review of what I think might be the best album I've heard so early in 2005, Bloc Party's Silent Alarm.

So there ya go... gnash on that for a lil' while, and holler at the kid in the comments section.

Welcome To The Terror Dome

2005-03-22T00:24:00.000-05:00

So, tonight I had my first fantasy baseball draft. At first, when I noticed the date of the draft, I thought that was kinda early in the year to be having a baseball draft. I mean, I guess I realized that baseball season was two weeks away-- Hell, I certainly knew the Mets home opener at Shea was in three weeks, as they open on my birthday and I will be in attendance-- but the "Oh my God, baseball is almost here, thank God!" feeling didn't hit me until tonight. It's funny when you consider that I've been looking forward to Shea Opening Day since my buddy told me he got me a ticket, but it's stranger when you consider that I've been really looking forward to this season since January 12.

See, that's the day that we got Carlos Beltran. That's the day Omar Minaya knocked me on my ass. He practically slapped me upside the head for even thinking the notion that being a Mets fan was bordering on hopeless, especially when compared with the Yankees and their godawful fans. With the signing of Beltran, Minaya began repaying the debt the Mets (and more specifically, Fred Wilpon) owed to their fans.

It wasn't just the losing. It wasn't dealing with seemingly millions of Yankee fans on a daily basis, complaining about A-Rod only hitting .230 with runners in scoring position while blissfully sailing towards another AL East crown while I watched John Franco, Mike Stanton, and other assorted "relief" pitchers blow game after game. It was the culture of ineptitude that had started to grow and multiply around the Mets as a franchise, something which frightened any true Met fan.

It was the bungling of the entire A-Rod negotiations, only to learn in Sports Illustrated that Texas didn't even make an offer to A-Rod until the Mets publicly declared themselves out of it, because everyone assumed that A-Rod wanted to be and was going to be a Met. It was reading in the same SI article that A-Rod himself figured he'd be a Met that November. But somehow, Steve Phillips couldn't get it done...

It was the half hearted courting of Vladimir Guerrero, which only served to get fans expectations up only to crush them once again. It was over paying for Tom Glavine. It was trading Scott Kazmir for Victor Zambrano (Rick Peterson, I love you, but when exactly are you on the clock for those '10 minutes' it'll take to fix good ol' Vic there?). It was the general feeling that no one in Flushing knew what the fuck they were doing.

Initially, I thought that Omar Minaya had just continued the trend. Initially, I didn't like the signing of Pedro Martinez. Too much money and too many guaranteed years, I said. But I didn't realize at the time that Minaya was just taking the first step toward s banishing that culture of ineptitude that had sprouted at Shea.

January 12 changed all that. When Beltran walked to the stage at that 11 o'clock press conference, Minaya firmly declared that the days of not knowing whos in charge or what the Hell is going on are over. And just to further ram that point home, Minaya deliberately scheduled the press conference three hours before the Yankees official introduction of Randy Johnson, seemingly only to pique Steinbrenner and Yankee fans. It didn't take a genius to realize that Minaya was jabbing at the long held assumption that Beltran's monsterous NLCS was simply a final audition before donning pinstripes. The premier free agent on the market was being introduced to New York. Yet it was in Queens, not the Bronx.

Think about that for a second. All throughout the year, when you heard about Beltran, where was he supposed to land? In the Bronx, replacing Bernie Williams. Aside from the Red Sox, where was Pedro going to land? In the Bronx as well. But that's not how it went down. The premier free agent position player and the premier free agent pitcher both signed with the Mets. Not only did the Mets come away with the two biggest prizes of free agency, but they went in and swiped them away from the Yankees.

I immediately went out and dropped $250 at the Mets clubhouse store on an authentic Beltran # 15 jersey. And it wasn't so much out of respect for Beltran as it was for Minaya. I will (hopefully) enjoy Beltran running down balls in the center field gap and blasting game winning home runs for the next seven years. Hopefully he will not turn out to be Bobby Bonilla, or Roberto Alomar. But in dropping that money, in wearing that jersey, I am more thanking Omar Minaya. For giving me hope.

Now, I'm not completely drinking the Kool-Aid. Do I think the Mets can win? Honestly, probably not. Trachsel's injury certainly doesn't help, although plugging Kaz Ishii in at the #5 spot is not that bad (especially at the low cost of Jason Phillips). But who knows what Kris Benson shows up (or what his wife will do). And who knows if Victor Zambrano will throw the ball in the strike zone, let alone win some ball games. Can the bullpen protect the leads that Beltran, Piazza, et al. hand to them, when Pedro leaves after six innings? Can Reyes stay healthy? Can Kaz make the adjustment to second and follow his countryman Hideki Matsui's path of rapid improvement in his second year in the majors? Can David Wright continue maturing into Scott Rolen?
That's too many questions, especially in the NL East. The Braves get Hudson and Smoltz in the rotation. The Phillies have a ton of talent on paper and no Larry Bowa being a psycho. The Marlins might mash people to death with the addition of Delgado. Even the Nationals have a little spunk.

But do I have hope? Yeah, I do. Maybe not to win the East or the Wild Card. But I do have hope in the way things are going. I do have hope in the kids-- Reyes, Wright. I would have enjoyed watching Scott Kazmir develop, but I'm very excited about Philip Humber. To play some meaningful games down the stretch in August. To get on a run in June and watch Pedro throw a gem at Shea. To see Beltan jump over the center field wall and steal a homerun, and hear Shea Stadium explode on a beautiful Saturday afternoon. To take the season series from the Yankees again.

I'm just happy that I honestly can be hopeful again. Let's play ball!

Shout out to my grandfather...

You Know Me, I Don't Need No Introduction And Shit... (Actually, I Probably Do)

2005-03-21T19:30:00.000-05:00

Hi there! My name is Daniel Alper, and by some chance you have stumbled into my brain, a place where I hop to carve my own little niche within the cavernous Internet. The creation of this blog was inspired by the fact that, now that I am out of college, I have no place to put alot of my thoughts, however fully formed they may be. Hopefully, Mental Sword Fighting can be that place. Inspiration propers must also be handed out to my dear friend Maya, who finally inspired me to stop talking about making a blog and actually do it, when I wrote her a (rather hiliarious) email. She noted that she thought that I had some talent at this writing thing, and lamented that she didn't write anymore. I joined her in these lamentations, until the voice in the back of my mind cried out "Idiot, why don't you start that blog you're always talking about?" Thus, here I am, finally getting off my ass and doing something. And hey, you never know, maybe more people than just my parents and my friends will read my little ramblings, and my thoughts/ideas/insanity will spread around the Internet, and I can influence someone or something and maybe even get a job. Who knows, maybe some Rolling Stone editor will stumble on to this web site and scream "Eureka! I've found the next Hunter S. Thompson!" I doubt it, but ya never know with this Internet thing...

I hope to cover a little bit of everything-- you may get insights into my life, ramblings of my mind, reviews of CDs or movies, political diatribes... whatever happens to float through my head. I had hoped to start this blog, oh... four months ago, in time to post my list of the Best Albums of 2004, but obviously, that didn't happen. Nevertheless, I press on. I hope to soon learn a little bit more about web publishing, so that I can make this site nice and snazzy looking, with comments, blog roll where I can shout out my favorite sites, and other dope shit. All in due time, friends, all in due time...

So anyway, thanks for coming, and I hope that you bookmark my site and return. I can't promise anything, but I think you'll enjoy what tumbles forth from my mind. If anything, it should make you think for only a moment, and yes, perhaps even engage in a little mental sword fighting of your own, with whomever it is you do such things...