We're Off to See the Wizard, The Wonderful Wizard of...
This morning my father (the recently reborn member of the Temple of the Red Sox) sent out an email to some people in his office (notable Yankee fans, mostly) and myself, mentioning that the Astros surely are toast because no one comes back from a 3-0 deficit, right? Here's what I wrote back:
If you listen carefully, you can just make out the strains of a conference call going on in the visiting managers office at Minute Maid Park (roof open).... shhhhh, lets listen in:
Ozzie Guillen: What's up, my papis!
Mariano Riviera: Hola!
Alex Rodriguez: What's really good, Wizard of Oz?
Ozzie: Nuttin' man, just tryin' to get this thing wrapped up. I got a question for y'all...
Mariano and Alex: (simultaneously, nervously)... Uhh, what's that...
Ozzie: I was just wonderin', ya know, what it was that you guys did pre-Game 4 of the ALCS last year, so I can tell my guys.
Mariano: I took a nap, listened to some reggaeton...
Alex: Word, I shot the fakest Pepsi commerical ever*, had some dinner, gave some of my fans the finger ... ya know, the usual.
Ozzie: Thanks, mi brothas! Now I know what to tell my guys NOT to do this afternoon. A-Rod, I'll hit you up this offseason in Miami. If I'm nice, I'll even let you kiss my ring!
The moral of the story: 26 rings are nice, except when you've accidentally swallowed them, they're sliding down your esphogaus, and you wrap your hands around your throat in a retarted attempt to give yourself the heimleich, if ya feel me.
*Cuz we know A-Rod ain't hitting any big game homers. And he sure as Hell ain't blowin' up the moon. Come to think of it, neither is Vlad...
Thought that was funny and some might get a kick out of that, so I figured I'd post it here.
And since we're here, can we please quiet all this "This World Series might be the most competitive World Series in recent memory" talk, please? OK, if you wanna tell me that it might be the most competitive (potential) four game sweep ever (which is kind of an oxymoron, isn't it?), I might by that. But unless four years doesn't fall under the definition of "recent memory," this doesn't fit the bill. The 2001 World Series, for example, was far more tense and competitive (the incendiary pitching of Byung Hyung Kim, the air of invincibility surrounding Mariana Rivera getting punctured for the first time, the beginning of the end of the Yankee dynasty), as was 2002 (Bonds' putting to bed the rumors that he's not a big game player-- listening A-Rod?-- with mammoth homeruns off of Percival and the unhittable K-Rod, the Angels storming back to Rally Monkey their way to the title). This one's been interesting, and it has been competitive to a point I suppose, but it hasn't necessarily been interesting, either.
And yo, the pumpkin thing was mostly a joke. Everyone calm down, I was just thinking out loud and trying to make a joke and reminisce about my childhood, not make a giant sociologial statement here. Ease up, kids.
If you listen carefully, you can just make out the strains of a conference call going on in the visiting managers office at Minute Maid Park (roof open).... shhhhh, lets listen in:
Ozzie Guillen: What's up, my papis!
Mariano Riviera: Hola!
Alex Rodriguez: What's really good, Wizard of Oz?
Ozzie: Nuttin' man, just tryin' to get this thing wrapped up. I got a question for y'all...
Mariano and Alex: (simultaneously, nervously)... Uhh, what's that...
Ozzie: I was just wonderin', ya know, what it was that you guys did pre-Game 4 of the ALCS last year, so I can tell my guys.
Mariano: I took a nap, listened to some reggaeton...
Alex: Word, I shot the fakest Pepsi commerical ever*, had some dinner, gave some of my fans the finger ... ya know, the usual.
Ozzie: Thanks, mi brothas! Now I know what to tell my guys NOT to do this afternoon. A-Rod, I'll hit you up this offseason in Miami. If I'm nice, I'll even let you kiss my ring!
The moral of the story: 26 rings are nice, except when you've accidentally swallowed them, they're sliding down your esphogaus, and you wrap your hands around your throat in a retarted attempt to give yourself the heimleich, if ya feel me.
*Cuz we know A-Rod ain't hitting any big game homers. And he sure as Hell ain't blowin' up the moon. Come to think of it, neither is Vlad...
Thought that was funny and some might get a kick out of that, so I figured I'd post it here.
And since we're here, can we please quiet all this "This World Series might be the most competitive World Series in recent memory" talk, please? OK, if you wanna tell me that it might be the most competitive (potential) four game sweep ever (which is kind of an oxymoron, isn't it?), I might by that. But unless four years doesn't fall under the definition of "recent memory," this doesn't fit the bill. The 2001 World Series, for example, was far more tense and competitive (the incendiary pitching of Byung Hyung Kim, the air of invincibility surrounding Mariana Rivera getting punctured for the first time, the beginning of the end of the Yankee dynasty), as was 2002 (Bonds' putting to bed the rumors that he's not a big game player-- listening A-Rod?-- with mammoth homeruns off of Percival and the unhittable K-Rod, the Angels storming back to Rally Monkey their way to the title). This one's been interesting, and it has been competitive to a point I suppose, but it hasn't necessarily been interesting, either.
And yo, the pumpkin thing was mostly a joke. Everyone calm down, I was just thinking out loud and trying to make a joke and reminisce about my childhood, not make a giant sociologial statement here. Ease up, kids.
posted by Black Charles at 7:41 PM
2 Comments:
What's this "recently reborn" s__t? I saw my first game at Fenway when you were -26 years old.
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