NFC: No F'in Chance?

Does the NFC still pale in comparison to the quality of play in the AFC? Will the Eagles make the Super Bowl again? Are you sick of T.O.? Do you care at all?

Here's Jake...

NFC East

Philadelphia Eagles (13-3) – So if you’ve been reading, you realize that I think T.O.isa huge bitch, whether he deserves the money or not. T(icked) O(ff) will still come and play, thrive on the controversy and hog McNabb’s limelight. And how about a round of applause for the mainstream media for continuing to plug this unnecessary bullshit? There are exhilarating MLB pennant races abound and America is infatuated with T.O.’s menstrual cycle. And I’m not even going to get into Drew Rosenhaus, who needs like a lifetime supply of Seasonal. We’re not all 13 anymore. Seriously. ANYWAY…There’s still a helluva team there. Brian Westbrook is more multifaceted than an Ipod-infused microwave. Jevon Kearse will get his freak on (God, I can’t believe I went there. I feel like such a follower. I don’t like EMO. Fuck buying clothes at Walmart.) Brian Dawkins still gives receivers the crabapple-mcnasties, word to MAD TV circa 1995. Actually, I wouldn’t mind Dawkins giving it to T.O. during practice one day, turning this McNabb proclaimed soap opera into “General Hospital.” But that won’t happen and the Iggle soapie—award for the most mindless drama during pigskin programming—will go all 8 mile on us in January. Can’t you just see it, “I’m Michelle Tafoya, coming live to you from the Eagle locker room. It’s about an hour before the big game kicks off and Donovan is clipping T.O.’s fingernails. Al, it’s truly amazing how far these two have come!”

*New York Giants (8-8) – The maturation of Eli Manning continues. Plaxico Burress adds another weapon to go with Amani Toomer and Jeremy Shockey. (Anyone else think it was hilarious that Shockey ended up with a 666 receiving yards last season? Satan is blond!) If those three live up to their potential, Tom Coughlin might have his army thinking playoffs. Michael Strahan is back from injury, anchoring a decent defense. Shout out to my main man Ryan Grant, the fiercest competitor I’ve ever shared a court with, who is trying to make the team as the 4th running back. Soak up all the Tiki you can, keep being a sponge and things will work out. I’m going to be stupid and say the Giants are this year’s lucky 8-8 NFC team to make the playoffs.

Dallas Cowboys (7-9) – You wonder how The Tuna gets up and goes to work everyday. What makes the man with health problems and a great track record feel like he needs to resurrect Drew Bledose’s career? Great coaches need challenges. And with Keyshwan and Terry Glenn aging, it’s going to be tough. There’s no great back to place the burden on in Big D. Julius Jones had a few good games last year, but is overrated. Actually, I’m just still pissed that he took Ryan’s job at Norte Dame two years ago. Regardless, this squad isn’t very good and some heated press conferences are going to be all the rage, pun intended, in Big D. Washington

Redskins (6-10) – Wasted talent galore last season. The Skins look tofinally turn a new page, hoping to get the most out of Clinton Portis and Patrick Ramsey. Santana Moss will complain less than Laverneus Coles. The D is still pretty stacked. But really, Joe Gibbs should just race cars because the Skins need an extreme makeover. Talent alone doesn’t win jack in the NFL. If that was the case, the Skins and Saints would be perennial contenders.

NFC North

Minnesota Vikings (9-7) – The Vikings are less Randy than Austin Powers after he lost his mojo. And, amazingly, that’s not even that problematic. Watch Daunte Culpepper spread the ball with ease. He’ll put it down and take it himself with more frequency and success, as well. Nate Burelson, welcome to the limelight. Did you even know it existed while Randy was here? The secondary is a force, led by new acquisition Fred Smoot and Antoine Winfield. Nine wins is enough in the weak Norris. A healthy Michael Bennett is key.

Detroit Lions (8-8) – Joey Harrington and Jeff Garcia get fight for the right to throw to a plethora of uber-talented young receivers. Rookie Mike Williams should show no ill-effects from his year off and Roy Williams will continue to dazzle. Charles Rogers, when healthy, is slept on. Second year tailback Kevin Jones should benefit from the offensive ability that defines their passing game. R.W. McQuarters and Dre Bly are standout corners on a defense that lacks the ability to push the Lions to the playoffs. At least they should have good seats to the SuperBowl.

Green Bay Packers (7-9) – D-Lineman Kabeer Gbaja-Biamila is a sack party. Opposing QB’s and O-Lineman are welcome to watch him celebrate. Aside from his presence, everything else seems older at Lambeau…because, well, it is. Once healthy cheese is now turning moldy, though we should still admire Brett Favre for continuing to throw rockets despite numerous health hazards.

Chicago Bears (5-11) – The addition of Muhsin Muhammad and a relatively light schedule will net them a few wins. Rex isn’t in effect after breaking his ankle in the pre-season, which means Chad Hutchinson, who is the answer to nothing, takes the helm. Look for a few exciting moments from RB Cedric Benson—that is when opposing defenses don’t stack 8 in the box because Hutch doesn’t scare anybody. If Hutch got Starsky and Huggy Bear to man a weak offensive line, they might win the SnooperBowl. That’s right, I went there.

NFC South

Atlanta Falcons (13-3) – Michael Vick has another year under his belt and that’s just trouble for anyone who is going to try and stop him. Michael Jenkins looks poised to break out after stepping ahead of Peerless Price on the depth chart. Alge Crumpler continues to be a pass catching vacuum. CB Deangelo Hall should really shine in his first full season of receiver lockdown. Keith Brooking is the rock that holds the defense together and he should be just as solid this season, 5th straight Pro Bowl type solid. Look for these birds to prey on the NFC all the way to a title game rematch with some other birds of prey.

*Carolina Panthers (11-5) – Julius Peppers is just amazing. He’ll win them a game or two by himself. As much as the phrase “making plays” is the most overrated linguistic “footballism” EVER, Peppers is one of those guys who makes it acceptable to hear [pick your least favorite broadcaster] ramble on about “football is about making plays” without saying anything specific. Peppers, Ray Lewis, Ed Reed are the only guys in that category. I don’t wanna hear about anybody else “making plays because he’s a great player.” Jake Delhomme is a survivor, and he’ll deal adequately with the loss of Muhammad. Deshaun Foster will open some eyes, possibly in the postseason, a place the Panthers should find themselves as long as they don’t lose the first part of the season to injuries again.

New Orleans Saints (8-8) – If you’ve written a Saints preview, you’ve written a thousand Saints previews.
Mediocrity (Webster’s version)–
1. The state or quality of being mediocre. Example: New Orleans Saints franchise.
2. Mediocre ability, achievement, or performance. Example: Late season swoon in New Orleans.
3. One that displays mediocre qualities. Example: Aaron Brooks, Deuce McAllister, Joe “can you hear my ego now?” Horn when placed in a situation filled with pressure.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers (4-12) – Sweet stadium. Note to Derrick Brooks: get traded. Since you won’t be winning anything, could you guys find Doc Gooden for me please? I need to talk to him. Thanks.

NFC West (I can’t convey how disappointing it is write almost an entire NFL preview and then come to the NFC West at the end. I’m really sad right now.)

St. Louis Rams (10-6) – Talk about taking advantage of a crappy division. Did the Rams really make the second round of the playoffs last year? The Falcons essentially got two byes and then the Eagles. Steven Jackson will take over for Marshall Faulk and do a good job. The offense will continue to roll, but won’t even come close to approaching “The Greatest Show on Turf” levels. Lenard Little and Bryce Fisher are better than the rest of the defense indicates. And Pisa Tinoisamoa led the team in tackles. I didn’t know Italian paintings hit hard either.

Seattle Seahawks (8-8) – Shaun Alexander is another victim of Running Back marginalization. If you keep telling me that Matt Hasselback is your fantasy quarterback, I will stop being friends with you. (You know who you are. Actually, about 67 people are worried I’m not going to be friends with them anymore, which amazing because I only have like 12 friends.) Nobody is making the same mistake by picking the Seahawks again this year to be a sleeper team. Seattle is NFL purgatory.

Arizona Cardinals (5-11) – Can the NFL keep J.J. Arrington, Larry Fitzgerald, and Anquan Boldin and send the rest of the team to NFL Europe? (How fun would it be to throw those 3 guys on the Redskins and watch them still miss the playoffs?) I mean, Rick Reilly already devoted an entire column to the Cards. Would you show up at a party after getting an acid facial?

San Francisco 49ers (3-13) – R.I.P. Thomas Herroin. Good luck Alex Smith. You’ll need it. Yeah, the Niners pretty much suck.

NFC Chip: Eagles over Falcons
AFC Chip: Colts over Jets

AFC MVP: LaDanian Tomlinson
NFC MVP: Donovan McNabb

Deee-troit FOOTBALL – Colts over Eagles

Snooperbowl: Long Beach 12 year olds over Bears

(Note: I’m sure all of these picks are going to be way off.)

After Jake sent this to me, he asked me what my Super Bowl prediction was. After thinking about it, I went with New England-Minnesota. If you read the Sports Guy, you're familiar with the Peyton Manning Face and the Ewing Theory.

As I said, that was my fifteen second take on it. It can't possibly be any more wrong than that time freshman year where I spent two hours writing up an email with in depth baseball playoff predictions (I'm talking analyzing each matchup, down to the World Series) and end of season awards, only to have my computer die and lose it.

Maybe it was for the best, seeing as how if I remember correctly, every single pick was wrong.

In any event, it should be fun to look back at this in January. Or maybe not.

Taking Stock of the AFC

So yes, as promised yesterday, I bring to you the first guest post in Mental Sword Fighting history!

And who, you may find yourselves asking, is deserving of such an honor? Why, none other than my good buddy Jake Appleman! Jake is a buddy from mine from college, and a good dude. Even though he's a Jet fan, I still hang around with him (probably because he shares my intense obsession with the New York Mets and hating the New York Yankees). He has written for SLAM magazine and The Links on slamonline.com, covering the Cleveland Cavaliers. He's been in the locker room, he's spoken to LeBron, he's asked Kenyon Martin if he's aware of the college that bears his name (good ol' alma mater!). He's bonafide.

Except he's not writing about basketball (I wanted him to do a guest post for the NBA Finals or something, but real finals prohibited him from doing that). He's writing about football. A sport, short of a disasterous stint covering the godawful Kenyon Lords football team for two years, he has no credentials in. Which is just as well, seeing as how if I wanted to read about basketball, I'd just read The Links or Free Darko, they do it better anyway (Just playin' Jake!). But let's not let that bother us, shall we?

Anywho, completely out of the blue, Jake decided to write a nearly 4,000 word preview of the upcoming NFL season, and I am more than happy to present it to you here (cuz let's be honest, I sure as hell wasn't getting around to it). So, being that Jake understands the Slam-style, I'm gonna bite their flavor-- Jake's in bold, I'm in normal color. AFC today, NFC and predictions tomorrow. I'm turning it over to Jake...

AFC East

New England Patriots (12-4) – Just how essential are Coordinators to a team’ssuccess? We’re about to find out, with the departures of Charlie Weiss (NotreDame) and Romeo Cronell (Browns). Belicheck is still there, as areall of the key parts, save Teddy Bruschi. Tom Brady is still clutch, DeionBranch still has the opportunity to shine for a full season, Rodney Harrison still has the ability to send any receiver to the E.R., Mike Vrabel is still a secret weapon (“Hey, Vrabel’s in at tight end on the goal line. He’s probably just a decoy. NOOOO!” Sound familiar?), Corey Dillon still loves winning, and the Pats still play and win as a team. But asking for four out of five is just getting greedy, especially after a regular season in one of football’s most dangerous divisions.*

New York Jets (12-4) – The J-E-T-S, JETS, JETS, JETS have every reason to beoptimistic about their chances this season. The defense is beastly. JonathonVilma “I’m home!” looks to improve on his stellar rookie campaign. New addition Ty Law solidifies the secondary. John Abraham and Shaun Ellis will continue toterrorize opposing quarterbacks. On the other side of the ball, Chad Penningtonappears to be healthy. Dumbo (it’s like the ears keep growing!) has his favoritetarget back in Laveraneus Coles. Curtis Martin, coming off a career year, runs (well) behind a solid front five. The Jets even have a new kicker, exiling DougBrien after his blown field goals in Pittsburgh broke more hearts than JohnKerry—OK, almost as many hearts. Ohio’s prodigal right leg, belonging to the body of Mike Nugent, was drafted extremely high just to make sure disaster doesn’t strike again. Did I mention that Paul Hackett, the offensive coordinator who cost the Jets at least two games a year because his play calling was more conservative than Bush, is gone? To keep with the political theme; this team is a campaign contender, but probably more of a Dennis Kucinich than a John Kerry.

Buffalo Bills (9-7) – You would think a team with a coach whose last name is Mularkey and a QB whose last name is one “e” away from being Loseman would be considered a joke. However, the opposite is true in Orchard Park. Willis McGahee is developing into the truth. You may see him in anti-smoking ad campaigns soon. Eric Moulds, Lee Evans, and Josh Reed are a tremendous trio; a group that Bills fans hope will help the maturation of young J.P. Nate Clements, Takeo Spikes, and London Fletcher anchor a solid defense that has the potential to be downright scary.

Miami Dolphins (3-13) – Ricky Williams went all Rule of the Bone on us, searching for Jah and shit during his year off. He came back to camp skinny, fast, and reportedly, still smelly. At the moment, I’m not sure who their quarterback is (is anyone?)but I do know that Jason Taylor has a nice house. Thanks MTV Cribs. Poor Nick Saban didn’t know what he was getting himself into.

AFC Central

Pittsburgh Steelers (10-6) – 15-1 is not happening again. Now that we moveforward from the ‘duh’ portion of this preview, it’s important to realize whatthe Steelers need to do to stay successful. Porter, Farrior, Hope, Townsend, Polamalu the awesome, and co. need to keep up the relentless pressure. To keepthe Roethlisberger in taste, Ben needs to keep slinging mustard, but do morewith ketchup (that’d be Hines, as in Ward) due to the loss of Plaxico Burress.The problem maintaining may come from the backfield where the Bus is a yearolder and Duce is dropping off. (Was that a poop joke about a Pittsburgh Steeler? Can you tell I’m a Jet fan? No, I’m not bitter.)*

Baltimore Ravens (10-6) – Strong Safety Ed Reed is omnipresent, simply the bestdefender in the league. Ray Lewis might just kill you. (Stop and think aboutthat. Stop and think about the fact that Ray Lewis might kill you one day. Good. That’s better.) The O-line is sturdy. Jamal Lewis runs through traffic (and traffick) so seamlessly that the gridiron might magically turn into the courtroom again. Deion Sanders is now agrandfather—the inconceivably successful form of Prime Time self promotion thathe fathered in the early 90’s has given birth to a spoiled, yet surprisingly intelligent little bitch: T.O, already in diapers. Question: Contenders? Answer: Um, Kyle Boller. Brian Billick unfortunately still believes that because Trent Dilfer did it, it’s worth trying for again with a scrub. Even Zack Braff will tell you that you don’t get that lucky twice, regardless of what Derrick Mason and Mark Clayton are making pundits think.

Cincinnati Bengals (6-10) - Carson Palmer will continue to impress, but the realdeal is egomaniacal receiver Chad Johnson. Look for that combo to post goodfantasy stats, but the D will continue to bungle away any playoff chances.Palmer also has the delightful opportunity to look the way of T.J. Houshmandzadeh [pronounced Hoosh-Men-Zay-Da], nomenclature’s greatest success. An aside: Can Nike please start marketing all purpose kicks under a new Swooshmandzadeh line? Who wouldn’t rock those Bengali colored joints that would look like they’d claw the crap out of all predators (or secondaries)?

Cleveland Browns (5-11) – Romeo, Oh Romeo, thou art on yonder sidelines. If thisnow makes the Browns the Montagues, let’s just realize that there’s an entire division waiting to bust Capulets in thee collective Dawg Pound ass. The death of young Winslowlio will continue to haunt—a thousand plagues on your Erie House—the young men of Veron...er, Cleveland. (Mixing Ebonics with Shakespeare is always fun. Example #2 that relates to Kellen Winslow because you can never have too much fun at his expense: All the league is a stage and “I am thy soldier” hath not kept it crunk thus far. G.I. Winslow doth remind me of somebody mad toolshed—yes I’m on a life mission to make “mad toolshed” part of everyday urban vernacular. Hate me now.) Memo to Braylon Edwards: you’re in the wrong state, homie. Receivers and Michiganders belong in Detroit. Shakespeare and Ebionics? I wish I had thought of that... that was just incredible.

AFC South

Indianapolis Colts (13-3) – Jay Z bought Def Jam. So what is Peyton Manninggoing to do for an encore? Edgerin James is whining; dude claims he has morepotassium than the average third banana, and he’s probably right. But it’s justhis bad luck that he’s playing in the era of the receiver (and Marvin Harrison); an era when Running Backs have become marginalized like third world rebels in a country run by a dictator. The real question is whether or not there’s enough juice in the Dwight Freeney sack parade to produce homefield advantage and a SuperBowl parade. An even more interesting question is whether or not the “city” of Indianapolis has enough square blocks to do the parade justice when the Colts win.

Jacksonville Jaguars (8-8) – The Jags seemed like a shoe-in for the playoffsearly on, but their inexperience ended up getting the best of them. Jack DelRio’s squad is looking to improve on last year’s strides, with a tough-as-nailsD leading the way. Stud QB Byron Leftwich has ageless wideout Jimmy Smith, butit’s the backfield, more specifically Fred Taylor’s groin, that will pull theJags out of the playoff hunt.

Houston Texans (6-10) – When he’s not eating cleat-ravaged sod, David Carr hasbeen pretty good, throwing tight spirals and whizzing bullets to his toptarget, the acrobatic Andre Johnson. Dominick Davis runs the ball withefficiency. The defense doesn’t scare anybody, although lurking cornerbackDunta Robinson might. Contenders will still easily be able to mess with Texas.

Tennessee Titans (3-13) - Not Good: the team. Amazing: Cornerback Pacman Joneswas the team’s first pick in the draft. Let’s see how well he eats up receivers. With the aforementioned Harrison, Smith, and Johnson in the division, one would think it’s game-over for the young rookie. Trying to compensate for the loss of Samori Rolle, Pacman will need more time working with quarters, nickels, and dimes before he’s truly ready.

AFC West

San Diego Chargers (10-6) – Most football fans thought they’d been bolted bylightening when they realized how good the Chargers were last year. They’ll beback and to be reckoned with (kind of); any team with LaDanian Tomlinson and animproving cast of characters is dangerous. The Chargers are good enough foranother division crown, but between Antonio Gates holding out, Drew Breeslooking over his shoulder, and Marty Schotenheimer in a playoff game, playoffsis all you’re going to get.

Kansas City Chiefs (9-7) – The Chiefs set themselves up for a freefall lastseason. After a 13-3 season that saw many offensive records shattered, the barwas set so high that not even tight end Tony Gonzalez could dunk a footballthrough it. Priest Holmes’ strained MCL only lessened the hope for a teamtrying to cope with their obvious lack of defense. The defense isn’t anybetter, but the Priest is back in the cathedral known as Arrowhead, and thatshould be enough for slight improvement. Regardless, it’s a sad day when DanteHall is no longer the Gatorade commercial that he used to be. Oh, and TrentGreen something something something.

Denver Broncos (8-8) – Ashley Lelie and Rod Smith give unpredictable andinconsistent signal caller Jake Plummer some options. Every year a new playersteps into and runs to glory in the altitude. 2005 should be no different, although it would be a bit much to expect that guy to be Maurice Clarett this year (Especially since he's about to get cut, the bastard - Dan). The Broncos downfall will be their defensive line’s eerie resemblance to the 2003 Browns, with the exception of Trevor Pryce, who missed 14 games last year with an ACL injury. Hopefully, stalwart second-year linebacker D.J. Williams will be able to hit hard enough to mitigate the mess.

Oakland Raiders (7-9) – It’s not whether or not these silver and black pirateswill find any booty. It’s whether they’ll find it at the strip club or the football field. And will Al Davis be there? Just kidding, Al, please don’t fire me. Not that I’m working for you, but I’m sure you could find a way. Randy Moss admitted to getting high. Good for him. He’ll find plenty of greenery in Oak-town. Who cares? He’s in camp, as is Warren Sapp, who surprisingly hasn’t ruined Jon Gruden’s career yet. Jerry Porter and newly-acquired Lamont Jordan will help the offense put up some serious digits, although Kerry Collins will make sure those digits aren’t too gaudy. But will the defense back that ass up? Eish.

Remember, all that stuff in bold is from the mind of one Fitzjacob "LB" Appleman, so if you wanna hate, he's the one to hate. But, should you find yourself with the desire to hunt him down and inflict bodily harm upon him (not really sure why you would, but hey, just throwing it out there), you better be quick, cuz he's jetting off to Spain in the coming days.

But not before he gives us his NFC preview and his selections for who takes the AFC and NFC chips along with the whole fucking show, tomorrow. I know you can't wait...

Do Bloggers Get Writers Block?

It wouldn't seem like it (in fact, it seems that writers block would be anathma to the medium of blogging, given that you can literally just spew out anything-- whether anyone else chooses to read it of course being quite another thing), but I think I did there for a second.

If you're cynical you'd call it plain old laziness.

Nevertheless, I do have some things planned, including the first ever MSF Guest Post (oooh!), but I figured I'd slide back into the ether of blogdom with something easy. Like a new meme I picked up from Leafblower's.

I mean really, asking me to rant about 10 songs from my iTunes library that I happen to be playing alot of right now? That's right in my wheelhouse. So let's get started, shall we?

Sia - Breathe Me - Now, I don't even watch Six Feet Under. But this song alone is making me wish I did, just so I could have achieved the same apparently cathartic insane emotional experience that everyone else did last Sunday and wrap it up in this song (damn near every blog I read Monday morning was writing about it and screaming for an mp3. As usual, Stereogum came through). But as I said, I don't watch Six Feet Under, so I'm just gonna have to deal with the fact that this song is a sweeping piece of melancholic beauty (if that makes sense) that surgically implanted itself into my head this weekend. (Note: the Everything Ends soundtrack also has a hot new Arcade Fire song and a mediocre new Interpol joint).

Autolux - Turnstile Blues - Ok, I saw the video for this song a while back and totally dug the song. I thought it was the Squeak E. Clean song, because to me the drummer looked like Karen O. Anywho, finally caught the video again last week, and this song has been bumping constantly ever sense. I know some people really liked Future Perfect, but I think it's kind of uneven. Nevertheless, this song rocks.

Rilo Kiley - Pictures of Success - "Portions For Foxes" continued a trend that began with this song: That of me only really liking one song per album. This is pretty much the only song I really care anything about off Takeoffs and Landings, and lately I've been going back to it recently. It's a really simple song, but damn catchy. I have no real idea what the Hell Jenny Lewis is singing about ("I could learn world trade/ Or try to map the ocean," "I've had it with you/ And Mexico can fucking wait/ And all those French films about trains"? Huh?), but she sounds damn good doing it. It does tend to freak people out when youre going through the apartment singing "It must be nice to finish when you're dead" quietly to yourself...

Secret Lives of the Freemasons - To The Baricades! Primarily because I might be the only person left who still gives a shit about Glassjaw (or in some cases ever did to begin with). And these guys do a wonderful imitation of Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Silence. The only reason I even had any interest in this band was because Thursday's Geoff Rickley put it out on his new label Astro Magnetics. This song is kinda catchy, and as I said, I really like Glassjaw.

Cartel - Fleets - It's fitting that I jacked this off the Leafblower, since he tipped me off to this song as well. It's a great, groovy, melodic bastard that gets stuck in your head. I actually bought the EP, and it's not bad. I really should try and catch these guys when they play around here at some point.

Secret Machines - Better Bring Your Friends - I was late to the party on these guys, having left their CD sitting around, largely unlistened to for a long time. Finally, I gave Now Here Is Nowhere a proper listen, and totally dug it. Their new The Road Leads Where It's Led EP, with the cover of Van's "Astral Weeks" which I bet my mom would find at least marginally interesting, has me salivating for their follow up. Nevertheless, this new original is a stomper that I've been playing a lot of in the last few months.

Atmosphere - Jackin' Yo Freaks - I found this little gem on The Low End Theory through a link from Catchdubs. Those that know me know that I love me some Atmosphere, and you're telling me that Slug comes out battlin' and angry as he jacks every beat Mr. Dibbs throw as him, even appropriating the flows of N.W.A. and Aesop Rock among others. Hot fucking shit. Can't wait for You Can't Imagine How Much Fun Were Having in October. (And yeah, if you wanna say that I like Atmosphere so much simply because I prefer my emo to come equipped with booming beats and witty punchlines rather than sounding like the Promise Ring, well... you wouldn't be wrong. Just sayin'...)

Jim Jones feat. Jha Jha, Paul Wall and P. Diddy - What You Drinkin' On Hey, this track was made before the whole name change thing, so I can still feel free to drop the P. And hey, memo to "Diddy": Enough with the fucking name changes, ok? I didn't care about you when you were Sean Combs, Sean "Puffy" Combs, Puff Daddy, or P. Diddy, either. Amazingly, the wackness that is Puffy doesn't completely destroy this track, thanks to a tight little beat and nice lil' cameo from Paul Wall (the combination of The People's Champ and the Dipset works again!). All in all, Harlem: Diary of a Summer isn't Purple Haze, but it sure as hell ain't nearly as bad as the dapper gentleman pictured above. (I know that Doug Reinhardt mentions it in the comments, but it bears repeating: The only G-Unit record since Get Rich or Die Tryin' worth a shit has been from the dude that got kicked out the camp. Coincidence?)

Kanye West feat. Cam'ron and Consequence - Gone - I'm gonna weigh in on the whole Late Registration debate later on in the week-- I'm still giving absorbing it, particularly in the car-- but I can tell this: It sure as shit ain't no Five Star classic, alright? Anywho, its obvious that if I'm picking any track from the new Kanye, it's gonna be the one with Killa on it. DIP SET DIP SET DIP SET!

And oh yeah...Suge Knight got shot at a Kanye Party. How fucked is that guy? Is he even still alive anymore? Or has Suge Knight really lost his fastball?

Dangerdoom feat. Ghostface - The Mask - Anyone who liked that new Gorillaz album (I personally think it's eh, myself) or I guess The Grey Album should check this out. Throw in M.F. Doom's crazy flow over Dangermouse beats and a loose Aqua Teen Hunger Force theme, and The Mouse and The Mask ain't half bad. Throw in a Ghostface verse, and you've got funky freshness.

So there ya go! And I know I made mention of this earlier, but the comments on the last post might not have made much sense. Essentially, what happens is I go on Doug's great site and drop a comment. He'll then come here and drop a comment here. So, if you wanna know what the fuck we're talking about, you gotta read Skeet On Mischa (which you probably should be anyway).

Anywho, coming up tomorrow, the first guest post in this lil' blogs short history. Holla atcha boy.

Now I KNOW I've Made It....

That's right kids, I'm not dead. Just trying to avoid starving (or sweating to death) out here in Alexandria, VA.

But as for my subject line... I know I've made it when I get a shout out on
Skeetonmischa! Really, I can die happy now (and yes, that Clipse track is ridiculous, I highly suggest you track it down post haste).

And as for why I've been gone so long, you might ask? Honestly, I haven't had anything worth saying. I mean, Jane has had the whole Karl Rove/Treasongate sewn up something fierce, it's not even worth trying to compare. Same goes for Matt and the boys at 1115 in regards to John Roberts in particular and my rising frustration with the Democratic party lack of spine in general.

Throw in the fact that I haven't really heard any records that have really got my pistons firing enough to sit down and write about, and oh yeah, I've been actually trying to get employed and thus save my ever dwindling bank balance from extermination, and I'm fresh out.

I was looking to this Sunday for some retribution, as my grand re-entrance into blogdom, as once again it was my favorite day of the year. What would that be, you ask? Major League Baseball's Trading Deadline! Yes, just like Leafblower's favorite day of the year is the NBA Draft, traditionally mine has been the insanity of the trade deaedline. But this year, what'd we get? A whole lot of NOTHING! Except for the Manny Ramirez rumors (which I was salivating over Friday night, but also realized it would never happen because the Red Sox as a team would have to be high on PCP to make that trade, as my idol articulated), there was nothing going on.

So, once again, your boy was left with nothing worth writing about. And believe me, I'm not even gonna waste my breath writing about Raffy Palmeiro either, because that's just too damn easy.

Who knows? Maybe I'm just suffering from blog depression...