Bullshit Historical Posturing

Today, as I strolled into Duane Reade as I do every morning, to get my morning can of Mountain Dew (I don't drink coffee. Growing up, I was told that I would pick it up as I got older. I'm 24 now, and I still don't drink it. Some people still like to insist that I will eventually become a coffee drinker, but I doubt it. I'm 24, I'm old enough, I don't like coffee, ok? I'm just as happy to feed my caffeine addiction through Pepsi and Mountain Dew, and the occasional Red Bull. But I digress...) , I walked past the newsstand as I always do. And out of the corner of my eye, what do I spy?

A glossy, special edition of Time, trumpeting the 60th anniversary of V-E Day. I stopped to stare at it for a second, and as I turned to head towards the back of the store and towards my much-needed Mountain Dew deliciousness, I became kind of irked. And it's because I feel like we're starting to over do it when it comes to the reverence we have for the so-called "greatest achievement" and what occured sixty years ago.

Don't get me wrong. I obviously think that the waging of World War II and the ending of Hitler's power in Germany was terrific. The fact that I am a Jewish-American obviously leads me to view the ending of the war and the rescue of those lucky enough to escape from the death factories of Nazi Germany as fucking amazing. I don't begrude any veteran of World War II (or any war, for that matter) the respect which they so richly deserve. And what the fighting men and women of all the Allied nations that took part in ending the Nazi war machine did, the hardships they had to endure, is simply staggering.

However, and this might just be the liberal cynic in me, I can't help but feel that these kind of showy tributes are done out of a misplaced sense of nostalgia for a time long gone by. When I see that Time special edition on the newstand, I see it as something akin to the Time editors pleading for faith.

It's almost as if, through those glossy pages, they are screaming "See? At one time, American stood for something, America actually accomplished something. We were respected throughout the world, and our ideals were unquestionable." All of which is true. And certainly, in these days of faulty intelligence and unfound WMDS, that is certainly a comforting thought.

But when I see that cover, I can't help but think that it's meant to deceive. It's meant to make us forget about My Lai, forget about Abu Ghraib, forget about all the roughshod actions taken by our cowboy President. It's meant to inspire faith in America, to reassure us that we haven't in fact become the unpredictable rogue superpower who doesn't care about anyone else's opinions as we play the Coloussus in this, the waning years of our country's empire. It's meant to draw the comparison between those fighting in Germany sixty years ago and those fighting in Iraq today, and saying "They're the same. They are fighting to uphold justice and American ideals. Just as your grandfather was a hero, so too is your son fighting in Iraq." I do not mean to demean the troops currently serving in Iraq, for they are simply carrying out a job assigned to them, many of them realizing the stupidity of the fact that they are in the desert when they should be at home enjoying their lives with their families. I do, however, mean to demean the actions of Bush, Chaney, Rumsfeld, etc., who no doubt will use the 60th anniversary of the wars ending in Germany as a platform from which to issue simply more meaningless drivel about freedom being on the march and missions being accomplished.

Perhaps I'm wrong. Perhaps I'm not giving Time and its editors enough credit. Perhaps they are subtly trying to draw a comparison between America of the 40's and America of today. Comparing the actions of FDR, a President who unquestionably wanted to get us into war for the right reasons, versus George W. Bush, who has led us into war for all the wrong ones. Perhaps they are subtly trying to say "Look how far we've fallen. We used to be the gold standard for idealism, the last bastion for dreamers and believers. Now we're a bunch of bullies, misguidedly exercising our military muscle in the wrong places." Maybe they're trying to make the same points I'm making here. However, this is the same magazine that ran the much-discussed puff cover story on Ann Coulter last week, so I can't say that Time's credibility is all that high right now.

From the perspective of a history major (with my focus being on military history, and just a general all-things-World-War-II buff to boot) and something of an armchair historian, the continuous lionization of those that fought in Europe bugs me for a completely different reason: It completely forgets that there was another component to WW II, fought on the other side of the Globe.

Now, maybe in a few months, Time will run another special edition commemorating V-J Day. But that does not take away from the general lack of respect shown to the fighting that went on in Asia by most of this country. Ask most Americans about World War II in Asia, and you'll get two things: Pearl Harbor and the atomic bombings. That's where it begins and ends for most Americans.

No one seems to remember the vicious naval fighting that went on in the Midway, or the absolute ferociousness of the "island-hopping" strategy (which is pretty ridiculous when you think about, seeing as how it was that exact viciousness and the massive predicted death tolls that lead Truman to drop the bomb in the first place). It's almost as if people remember Pearl Harbor for getting us into the war, and they remember Hiroshima and Nagasaki due to the horrific nature of the atomic bomb, but forget that there was a large amount of fighting and death on a massive scale in between those two events. Most Americans (thanks in large part to Stephen E. Ambrose-- dirty plagarist that he is--, Steven Spielberg, and Tom Hanks) recognize the Battle of the Bulge, but few know about the bloody toil on Okinawa. Everyone's seen Saving Private Ryan, but no one's read E.B. Sledge's terrific With The Old Breed At Peleliu and Okinawa, and even a classic like Norman Mailer's The Naked and The Dead gets shunted off.

Maybe we don't hear as much about the war in Asia is because it's not as neat and clean, morally speaking, as the war against fascism. If you're only response to the war in Asia is "Those sneaky fuckin' Japs!" because all you know is Pearl Harbor, it makes things easier. You don't have to contemplate the annihilation of hundreds of thousands of innocent Japanese civilians through the use of the most evil weapon ever devised by mankind, because they had it coming. You don't have to think about the appalling treatment of Japanese-Americans on the West Coast by way of internment, or contemplate the truly disgusting propaganda circulated in this country against the Japanese (chronicled in depthly in John W. Dower's War Without Mercy: Race and Power in the Pacific War) beause gosh darn it, those Japs were sneaky!

You don't have to cloud your mind with any of those complexities, and rather simply sit back and congratulate ourselves on ridding the world of Hitler, Mussolini, and their awful beliefs. You can sleep easy, knowing that the American military is an instrument of good, bringing light where there once was darkness, bringing hope to those who seemingly had run out of it. You can actually stand up and take pride in your nation.

And, if you so choose, you can draw that line straight down from V-E Day to the toppling of the Saddam statue in Iraq, resting comfortably in your belief in America as a instrument of positive change in the world, then as well as now. We are still the nation to be looked up to, to be confided in, to be trusted, to be respected. We saved the world from the Nazis, we ended Communism, and now we're "saving" the Middle East.

Well, I don't buy it.

With The Quickness

Ok, I'm sorry for not posting anything in a few days (doesn't it seem like I make this pronouncement every weel? Damn...), but I have about 2-3 posts fully formed (in my head at least) and they're coming. It's just a confluence of events have kept me from posting them as I had intended (i.e., starting on Monday). These events have included, but are not limited to, a frenzied drive all over the county to see The Interpreter (Entertaining, but leaving a lot to be desired. Sean Penn and Nicole Kidman-- who looks gorgeous, as always-- are good, but the script keeps them bound down. It misses a certain feeling of energy and excitement that keeps you from fully investing yourself in the film. Rent it in a few months when you've got nothing better to do on a rainy Saturday afternoon, but there's really no need to drop $10 on it) Monday night and yet another trip to the Mecca (a/k/a/ Shea Stadium) to see Pedro pitch (the Dominican Dominator was a little off, giving up 4 early runs before settling down while the Good Guys comeback attempts fell just a little short in the bottom of the 9th) last night.

But fear not! I have a review of New Order's new Waiting For The Sirens Call planned (I was shooting to have it up Monday, or at the very least Tuesday, due to the US release date being Tuesday, but Pedro trumps Bernard Sumner, at least in this blogga's mind). I also am developing (again, in the brain) an essay based in part on the 40 second DJ Shadow song "Why Does Hip Hop Suck in '96?"-- trust me, that might sound odd, but it makes sense to me and you will soon be enlightened. And speaking of Mr. Josh Davis, I'm also planning on running my thoughts on his debut album, Endtroducing, for a new semi-regular feature I'm gonna do here: MSF Classics. Essentially, the idea will be that whenever I feel like it, I'm going to run a review of some of my favorite records of all time, the ones that I think are the classic joints, my own "Desert Island Discs" list if you will. I'll even give you a teaser: Last night, while conversing with a few of my friends, I suggested that Endtroducing might just be my favorite album ever. Apparently Mr. Shadow (I feel like The New York Times-- one of the funniest things I ever read was in an old Times review of a Wu Tang show, where they kept referring to ODB as "Mr. Bastard," but I digress) and Island Records agree that Endtroducing is indeed the bees knees, as it's about to be re-released with a whole bunch of tacked on crap.

So anywho, sit tight kiddies! More of the MSF goodness is coming your way soon!

And oh yeah... I got another letter published in Altercation! This one talks about the RIAA business that I wrote about on Saturday, and I even snuck in a plug for this very blog! HOLLA AT THE KID!

And oh yeah... to any peeps who may have found their way here from firedoglake (good lookin' out on the shout Jane, much love) or perhaps even the aforementioned Altercation, welcome! I hope that my mostly musical ramblings are not too inane, and at the very least, help you kill a few minutes of time while serving The Man at work. Please do leave comments and let me know what you think. Constructive criticism is always welcome and indeed appreciated, as are the giving of props and even marriage proposals, if you're so inclined!

Back later today (hopefully!)...

UPDATE: Since a few people have told me that they have attempted to comment on this blog yet were unable to do so for some reason (I have no idea why, I didn't think it was that hard), I tried to install Haloscan on this page, because in my experiene it is alot easier and alot cooler to use. But, being that I have next to no real HTML knowledge, I don't know if it worked. Right now, it doesn't appear that it has. I am going to keep fiddling and try to figure this out, because I can't imagine it's all that difficult. If anyone has some helpful hints, be sure to get at me and let me know. Also, noting that I'm an HTML idiot (and kinda lazy to boot), if someone wants to fill me in on how to put pretty pretty pictures up here, that might be cool too.

Putting 'Em On The Glass

I'm a little heated right now. I'm about to put the RIAA on blast. I'm sliding in a fresh clip and cocking back the hammer, cuz I'm about to put some fools on the glass, Sir Mix-A-Lot style.

First, read this.

Or, for those that didn't click that link, or might have missed the larger point, there's this summary by the Music Business Journal here:

"A Daily Texan article shares some startling numbers about the Recording
Industry Association of America's (RIAA) litigation campaign: The RIAA has
settled 8,423 suits with an average settlement of $3,000. The Daily Texan
works out that this is a total of $25,269,000.00 (twenty five million two
hundred and sixty nine thousand dollars) and the newspaper claims that not a penny of which goes to the artists." (Emphasis mine)

Anyone else see why I'm heated? For years, the RIAA has been waging their war on P2P services and file traders in the name of the artist. "You're taking money out of the pockets of your favorite artists! If you loved these musicians as much as you say you do, you wouldn't share their files!" And now, you come to find out that these artists, these starving musicians are seeing all of... absolutely nothing from this crusade, and the RIAA is keeping it all for themselves.

But see, I'm not all that surprised by the fact that the RIAA is holding onto this easy almost $26 million dollars. Because the RIAA is the legal action arm of the five major record labels. The same five major record labels that fuck artists all the time on there contracts, sometimes only giving a dollar per record sold (after money spent on videos, promotion, and advance is recouped, of course). Most artists make most of their money on the road touring-- are you that surprised, looking at that contract? Unless you're a superstar, you've gotta sell a boatload of records to make serious money.

And that's why I never felt guilty about downloading music. I wasn't naive enough to believe that me downloading an album made all that much of a difference to an artists bottomline. And when I read a prominent rock manager say in Rolling Stone a few years ago something like "If you can guarantee me that the tour is sold out, I'll give away 500,000 copies of the album," I was convined all the more. Hell, the Offspring (back when some people still cared about the Offspring) tried to give away their album online, only to be sued by their record label. Weezer encountered the same thing.

And you know what? In a way, downloading-- or stealing, if you choose to look at it that way-- a bands music often led me to putting more money in their pocket, when all was said and done. There have been literally scores of bands that I've discovered through downloading, albums I never would have been willing to take a risk on. But through hearing that album and discovering that band, I'll spend money to go to their show. Might even buy some merchandise. I'm giving far more money to the band than I would by actually purchasing their record. Think of my download as a promotional cost. The reason the RIAA cares-- and is sueing the very fans that support its indsutry-- is because they are the ones that are getting screwed, not the bands you love.

And make no mistake, as much as major labels cry about downloading, it's an incredible promotional tool. I know that it has been postulated on various places, most notably at Altercation (can't find the exact link, but it's in one of the posts that deal with Fiona Apple), that major labels have deliberately leaked albums, as a promotional tool.

And it definitely is. Without file sharing, sites like Stereogum and Music For Robots and Fluxblog probably don't exist. And sites like those, that get lots of hits, can definitely influence opinion and create a buzz. There is still no video hot enough to take the place of word of mouth-- except nowadays, you can tell 10,000 of your friends about a band if your blog gets enough hits.

So, these lawsuits are even more of a joke to me than they were before. If you're going to sue me, at least tell me that at least part of my money is going back to Bloc Party and Eminem and Thursday and Arcade Fire and...

-- Since were putting things on blast tonight, why don't we just go ahead and cook up a mess of meth, why don't we?

What I don't understand is how the meth scourge hasn't hit the East Coast yet. I swear that I read about meth in Rolling Stone when I was still in high school, so that's gotta be at least 5-6 years ago. I would figure that meth would have made it here by now. Maybe you don't have as much wide open space in New York, so there's no place to stash a trailer and turn it into a meth lab. Or maybe I'm just broadcasting that I'm simply an out of touch, middle-class suburban kid who has no idea what's really going on?

And yeah, I know that most of the really large meth labs are housed out West, largely fueled by illegal Mexican immigrants (at least I do now, after reading Jane's piece). But I would have figured that given five to six years, some enterprising drug dealer would have figured out a way to penetrate the East, and turn it into the next hot drug a la Ecstasy. I mean, these are the poeple that figured out a way to push heroin, another horrific drug. I would have figured that meth, for as horrible as it is, would at least be on its way to achieving that "cool" drug status like Ecstasy was for a minute, or cocaine in the 80's.

I hope that Jane is wrong. I hope that it doesn't take meth breaking big on the East for this side of the meth story to get national attention and a serious push from politicians to stop it. I hope that we won't have to wait ten years, for the meth version of Traffic to hit theaters before anyone stands up and take notice.

Get 'Em Daddy (Daddy Got 'Em)

OK, so basically, what's going on here is that I'm gonna give y'all a little bit of a rundown of some of the music that I've been feeling lately. It's basically a mini-version of what Stereogum and other sites do every month. I hope to be able to do this fairly frequently, because there are alot of times I want to spread some love and shout out some songs, but not necessarily entire albums. By nature, since by and large I'm gonna be talking about single tracks (although albums I don't feel like writing full length reviews for will get mention too, as you'll see), a lot of the tracks are coming from various mixtapes. A lot of times, some ridiculous stuff gets put out on mixtapes and never gets released on albums, whether because it's a freestyle, or an MC jacking someone else's beat, or for who knows why. In some instances, some people's mixtapes are better than their official albums (uhm, Jadakiss... yeah, I'm lookin' at you). Just a sample of what I've been puttin' on blast recently:

Cam'ron feat. Hell Rell - Eye of the Beholder
I've been pumping this track for about a week straight, it's just ridiculous. I used to think that Cam and the Dip Set were weak nonsensical rhymers, but largely through the outstanding Purple Haze album and various mixtape cuts, that opinion is starting to change (although there are still times when you have absolutely no idea what the fuck any of the Dips are talking about and there songs make no sense). You have Cam being his usual brash, cocky self on the intro, declaring "They say beauty's in the eye of the beholder. That's why I look in the mirror every morning and realize how fly I am. They wanna know what label I'm signing to. I'm the CEO of Diplomat Records, I signed myself-- getcha cake up!" The beat is bananas, with an epic, operatic intro giving way to a pulsing, thunderous beat, the kind that Killa Cam rides so well. I've been walking around the office all week chanting the chorus to myself as I go about my business. When you're walking around the office mumbling, "Get 'em Daddy! Daddy got 'em!"... well, people have started to wonder a little about me.

Papoose – Sharades
When hot new rhyme slinger Papoose declares “Give me the keys to Shyne Po handcuffs/Give me the keys to Lil Kim handcuffs/ Give me the keys to C-Murder handcuffs, so I can tighten ‘em and let the cell slam shut,” the first reaction is “What!? He said what? Who is this guy?” But if you let the song play out, you’ll realize that ‘Poose is not trying to replace 50 as the most hated man in hip hop, but speaking from the perspective of a member of the infamous “hip hop police,” members of the NYPD who have supposedly been watching rappers and having a heavy presence at various hip hop spots, in hopes of stopping violence. While hip hop certainly has its fair share of violence, and the recent shooting outside of Hot 97 associated with the 50 Cent/Game beef does show that maybe these po-po’s are not far off, obviously rappers feel that it is a case of guilt by association and racial profiling (Papoose bluntly titled a freestyle “Fuck The Hip Hop Police”). It's something of an interesting debate-- are these police over stepping their bounds and unfairly scrutinizing (mostly black) youth due to assumptions derived from an extremely small and biligerent section of an entire culture, or are they simply acting intelligently to prevent further violence and innocent bloodshed? From a lyrical standpoint, it is extremely interesting, as Papoose does a nice job of inhabiting the mind space of an individual so clearly unlike himself, with an obvious axe to grind—and ‘Poose gets props for doing a role playing song and not making it extremely cheesy (unlike, say, 50’s “Baltimore Love Song”).

While we’re on the topic of shady police… FUCK THE NYPD. Now, don’t’ get it twisted—there are plenty of good cops out there, doing there jobs and keeping us safe. I have respect for them. But I have no respect for bitch ass cops who hand out shady tickets for such heinous crimes as… spitting! That’s right kids, your boy got a ticket on Monday night coming out of the Subway on my way to Yankee Stadium, and ran into a crew of transit cops conducting “full enforcement” against such viciousness as spitting and smoking inside the transit station. The funniest part of the whole thing? The ticket reads that “the police officer observed respondent spitting on the mezzanine floor, creating an unsanitary condition.”

Whatever… does this mean I can start mailing tickets to George W. Bush, for creating “an unsanitary condition” out of my country? Anywho…

Foxy Brown – Art of War
For someone who has been in the game for nine years (as she reminds us on this track a few times), I’m amazed that it took some producer that long to sample Hendrix’s “Foxy Lady” and let her ride it. Maybe it took the recent spate of rock samples in hip hop recently (Lil’ Jon even went so far as to sample fucking Slayer on his album) for this to happen, and the cynical among you may say it’s a cheesy attempt to get back in the game, and you might not be wrong. Especially since this is someone, after Def Jam shelved her 2003 album Ill Na Na 2, that needed Jay-Z to come rescue her (and squash whatever drama existed between the two of them) just to get back on the radio. But I think it’s an entertaining song, and the Hendrix sample is freaked nicely. Nothing amazing lyrically, but it's good to hear the sexy smooth voice of Inga Marchand ripping a track properly once again, as it takes me back to my days as a youngster just exploring the world of hip hop. With President Jigga standing firmly behind her (and reportedly dropping verses on as many as three cuts from her forthcoming new record), this is likely only the beginning of Foxy’s return to the game.

Memphis Bleek – Like That
A few years ago, I read an interview with Jay-Z declared that he thought Memphis Bleek and Beanie Sigel would sell more if they weren’t on the same label as Jay, if they weren’t constantly compared to the God MC. At the time, that sounded like Jay just throwing props to his boys way, as well as trying to push up sales of his own label's releases—but now, I’m not so sure. Having Jay-Z as your label boss and benefactor, playing the Godfather role and directing your career is a little like having Eminem guest on your track-- if he really wants to, he can make you look silly on your own damn track (which is just what Nas said Em did to Jay himself on "Renegade," for example). Just about any MC is gonna suffer when compared to the S. Dot, but when your supposedly his handpicked successor? You better be real nice. And to a certain extent, Bleek has suffered from this comparison, and were he not signed to the Roc, he may have been better able to carve out his own niche in the rap game (dude is on his fourth album). Mr. "I got my mind right, money right, ready for war" talks about such issues here.

Not that this song proves that Bleek is a lyrical slayer or anything, but his flow sounds real nice over the Swizz Beats production. The beat is a typical sounding Swizz production, while Bleek wraps his smooth Marcy flow over the beat and simply rides it. While nothing amazing, it's a good boastful, party-flavored track, and sure to be a hit in the clubs and in car stereos throughout the East Coast this summer.

And speaking of Swizz, is he campaigning to be Vice-President in the new Hova regime? I mean, first he uses Jay’s voice on two of his recent hits, T.I.’s “Bring ‘Em Out” and Cassidy’s “I’m A Hustla.” (And is it any wonder that the sampled voice of Jigga helped kick down the door to East Coast radio for T.I. and made people forget that "Hotel" song that Cassidy did with R. Kelly that me and my friends love to make fun of? I hope my man Shawn is cashin' checks off those joints). Now, he goes and produces Jay’s boy, Bleek. I half expect to see Swizz outside of the Def Jam offices wearing a sandwich board that says “I Heart Jigga (Please Let Me Produce The Comeback Album).”

Garbage – Sex Is Not The Enemy
You know, Bleed Like Me surprised me. I wasn’t expecting much, as it certainly seemed like Garbage's time had come and passed and that they were trying to hold on to some vestige of their mid-90's success. While it is nothing truly mind blowing, and it’s not likely to gather any new fans, but it’s certainly better than the aimless Beautiful Garbage. And it’s tracks like this which remind you of their previous Version 2.0-era brilliance. It is what Garbage do best—the merger of hard, aggressive guitars with poppy electronica, topped off with Shirley Manson’s ballsy, suggestive lyrics. I agree with both of Manson's assertions on this album: that "a revolution is the solution," as well as the fact that "sex is not the enemy." This track should rule commercial rock radio this summer if someone's smart enough to release this as a single, and it'll probably end up on a few of my mixtapes at some point.

Ivy – In The Clear album
This is a very nice mood record, as it merges chill electronica with sugary pop guitars. You can put it on when doing something as simple as cleaning your apartment, as I’ve read in at least one review, or when you’re just enjoying a glass of wine by yourself after a long day. It also makes a pleasant late night driving album, as the grooves will let your mind unwind. You definitely have to be in the mood for this record (I wouldn’t necessarily recommend that you put it on at 3 PM, for example, or before going to the gym), but if you’re in the mood for something chill, something that sounds a little like a more rock-influenced version of Groove Armada, featuring icily seductive female vocals up front, you could do worse than to give In The Clear a few spins.

I've also been listening to cuts off the forthcoming Alkaline Trio album, Crimson, but will wait til I can find some better quality rips to write a full review of it. In any event, it's fun, entertaining, aggressive dark humored pop-punk, of the variety that the Trio do so well. The legions of Trio fans shouldn't be disappointed, but again, I'll write about this more fully later.

-- Oh, BTW, I had a letter published by the good Doctor, Eric Alterman, a few days ago (scroll down to the correspondence section).

-- And oh yeah, I won the Liberal Stereotype of The Day today, apparently (it's kind of hard to understand unless you read this post (and the comments). I heart you, Jane (hehehe).

-- 29 Thoughts On The Apparent Sexiness of Britney Spears' Pregancy. Hiliarity ensues.

-- Question: Which Total Moron Are You?

Happy Birthday, Miss Sharapova

Ok, so I just found out that it's Maria Sharapova's 18th birthday today, and ESPN has concocted
this jokey tribute to her.

Well, since I don't have the knowledge, time, or wherewithal to do anything of the sort, I will just say Happy Birthday, and if I could, dedicate Jamie Foxx's song "Let Me Be Your Tennis Ball," performed at the ESPY's a few years ago, to her. Jamie dedicated it to Serena Williams, but let's be real here... Maria or Serena? It's Maria, hands down!

I think Maria clocks in somewhere between No.'s 3-5 on the "Celebrities I'd Consider Amputating An Appendage For A Night With," behind all-time greats Natalie Portman and Anna Paquin (duh).

NOTE: I just wrote this because I'm bored, and because I'm feeling frisky (perhaps it's all of Maya's talk about babymaking-- my lord, this blog is becoming very Maya-centric these days! Although I guess that's alright, since she did get me a job and all), and because Maria Sharapova is fucking hot. But I digress...

I'm gonna try and be back later tonight, after I go to yet another Yankee game, with some reviews of some hot new tracks I've been bumpin' the last few weeks, because my internet is back on at home. Amazing what happens when you plug it in. Perhaps I'll even review the new white-label exclusive I just got in the mail, "Money (We Both Got It, So Let's Fuck)" by Skillz Shved featuring B-Alpz and the Majah Economicz Playaz.

But only if you're nice. Kinda like how the NYPD was not very nice to me last night. So I'll probably be throwin' some shade there way later tonight too, after I drop some science about Cam'ron, Garbage, Papoose, and others.

(That folks, is what we in the industry refer to as a cliff hanger. What industry is that, you may ask? Fucked if I know).

Bomb First (My Reply)

In honor of the mini-spat that is going on in the comments section between my brother Ben and my soon to be co-worker Maya (she of the incessant smiling, suggestive or otherwise, and repeatedly declarations of her own cuteness-- while it's kinda not cool to big up yourself, I must admit, that Maya is indeed cute-- keep throwin' those suggestive smiles my way, shorty, and it might have to stop being "suggestive," nah mean? Anywho...) I had to title this post in homage to 2Pac. Because, ya know, I read these posts, and the first thing that comes to mind, obviously, is Death Row-Bad Boy/Biggie-Tupac of the late 90's. Can you see it...

You've got readers (all 12 of you) choosing sides, some staunchly against Ben's "It's the 1950's all over again, ain't you heard, bitch?" manifesto of comment 19, some supporting Ben in his effort to set the clock back, others drawn in simply because of Maya's aforementioned feminine charms, family relations being strained... all the makings of a good beef. We cut to...

MTV NEWS with Sway
"The blogosphere was shook up today when beef exploded on formerly little-read blog Mental Sword Fighting as a simple discussion on, of all things, an economics paper, turned nasty. What started out as innocently as a bored college student and a jaded finance professional engaged in "commenting," a common form of blog discussion, has now turned heated. Verbals bombs have been thrown, and the gauntlet has been thrown down. We hit the streets to get the people's reaction.
Nick, 17: "Yo, I'm rollin' wit Maya, for realz. Shorty keeps it gangsta, nowwhati'msayin? And yo, shorty is niiice! You seen pics of that girl? HOT DAMN! I wouldn't mind doin' a lil commentin' wit her, nah mean? Holla!"
Chris, 23: "Seriously, that Maya girl is trippin'. I'm standin' loud and proud for my man B, that guy speaks the truth. Maya thinks she's nice with hers, and she's all big cuz she got this finance job, but she need to recognize, she ain't shit. I'm like, bitch, make me a corndog!"
Christine, 27: "I find Ben's attitude distressing, to say the least. He exemplifies the typical neanderthal male behavior, one which should have been swept out with the Eisenhower administration yet persists to this day. Ben, like most males, is obviously threatened by a woman in a position of power, and seeks to over come his own inadequacies with stereotypical behavior and generalizations on a woman's place in the world. He needs to admit that the problem is with himself, and get into the 21st century. However, Maya herself needs to take steps to empower herself. She cannot sit back and rely on her feminine virtues, for that only plays into the hands of typical male thinking. If she continues to throw herself out there, with that mischievious little smile, saying in effect 'Come get me, boys,' well, she can't be surprised with the reaction she elicits. She's got to recognize that this has become bigger than her and that she represents the American female. We've got to get the girl out of the cave and into the light."

Hot 97 with Angie Martinez
"Yo, what up New York? This is yo girl, Angie Ma, blastin' off here on Hot 97, ya heard! Alright yo, we got the new track from the newest MC in the game, B-Alpz, representin' Washington University- St. Louis in the house! Yo, kid's gonna do big things, he rips it nice! He'll be in the studio next week to holler at us, but right now, let's get into "Hit 'Em Up (Bitch, Economics Iz My Shiznit, Stick to Cookin'):
"Yo, Maya, bitch you crazy
My math leaves you feelin lazy
Two plus two equals four
The kitchen's over there, open the door
Leave your head confused and dazed
I like my doughnuts glazed
Get on that shit, get the pots and pans
Killin' more bitches than the Orkin man
I hit 'em up!

In the Lab with DJ Green Lantern
"Yo yo, what's good New York? It's the Evil Genius, Green Lantern. Hustla's hotline is in full effect, and right now, we got my homegirl, Skillz Shved on the line, hear to speak on her beef with B-Alpz. Yo Maya, what's good?"
"You know how I do, Green. Just kickin' it with my crew, blazin' bunts, drinkin' 40's, servin' these fools lyrically. Basically, same shit, different day."
"True indeed, true indeed. So yo, I heard you got an exclusive joint you wanna drop, right here In the Lab."
"Oh, true indeed. You know you got the streets locked, I had to come to the Evil Genius and air it out, nah mean?"
"No doubt. So what you got for us?"
"The track is called "Money Stacks (I Know Finance, And You Ain't It)." It's produced by Ant from Atmosphere, it's real hard, I had to get that Midwestern feel to it. Had to hit that bitch B-Alpz where he lives, nah mean?"
"Ooooh, this girl is gangsta! Let's get into it!"
"Yo, B-Alpz, you a rookie in this game
I been servin kids since before the fame
There's two things I know: my sexy ass, and money
And you ain't got neither
You burnin' up, feel like you got the fever
Cuz I'm killin' em out here, they needin' first aid
Wreckin' fools from Manhattan to Miami-Dade
I bring the heat, spittin' the true facts
Cuz I got the big ass money stack
Fuck the skillet, I'm servin' you with the gat"

For Immediate Release, Tha Row Records
Having recently been released from prison for the 14th time, Suge Knight, CEO of Tha Row Records, has announced that his label has signed one of the hottest underground rhymespitters, B-Alpz.

"We're real excited to have B-Alpz on the roster, he's gonna take Tha Row back to the top. He's the nicest white boy with the pen and pad to come thru since Eminem, and he wanted to fuck with a real gangsta, so he came to the best. I mean, he's got this little beef with that crazy crack head bitch Skilz Shved, but that ain't nuttin'. He came to the right place to handle that shit. I mean, I know beef. I've stomped motherfuckers heads in! I had Tupac killed! Shit's about to get real ugly for anyone who ain't down with Tha Row and B-Alpz. Y'all been put on notice. He's baaaaaack..."

DJ Kay Slay, The Drama King
"Yo, yo, yo, it's the Drama King in the building, you know how we do, I'm causin' problems, takin' food outta people's mouth, stirrin' up that trouble. And I got a new exclusive for ya from the hottest lil' troublemaker in the game, Skillz Shved! That's right, y'all thought Lil' Kim was dope, y'all thought that Foxxy had it on lock, y'all thought that Trina was the baddest bitch-- Dead that. This bitch is on some other shit-- peep how she rocks my man Biggie's tracks on "Who Shot Ya (I Ain't Scared)". Ya heard! Drama King is in the mothafuckin' building, I'm real focused, get at me!
"Yo, B-Alpz, I heard you down with Tha Row
That's cute, bout to be Suge's new lil' hoe
Cuz you know you can't fuck with this flow
You too busy starin' at my tits
To notice me slicin' you into little bits
You might think I'm cute, smilin' all nice
You gotta understand, rhymin's my only vice
I fucked you up, laid you flat on your back
When I come through with this Mack
And I ain't talkin' bout lipstick
Stop riding your boyfriends dick."

MTV News with Kurt Loder
"The ongoing blog war turned rap war, which oddly begun over an innocuous economics paper, took another scary turn today when B-Alpz showed up at The Options Group, where Skillz Shved plies her much discussed finance career. B-Alpz barged through the door with his crew, refusing to listen to the pleas of receptionist Anastacia that "All visitors must sign in!" and made his way to the conference room, interrupting an important meeting by clamoring on top of the table and issuing an ultimatum.
B-Alpz: "What, Options Group ain't got no love for B-Alpz? Y'all ain't got no love for Tha Row? Well, I see how it is, then fuck you too! We ain't got no love for Options Group! Back in the kitchen with all you bitches!"
"Long time observers of hip hop have begun to get extremely worried, as this act by B-Alpz mirrors the exact movements of Snoop Doggy Dogg at the '94 Source Awards, widely noted as a precursor to the East Coast-West Coast violence that claimed the lives of Tupac and the Notorious B.I.G. "
Michael Eric Dyson, professor: You can definitely see the influence of Suge Knight and Tha Row records on B-Alpz with today's display. He's clearly taking the lessons of Suge Knight to heart. All one has to do is look at Billboard to see that B-Alpz's album, The Only Thing I Cook is Crack, is #1, to realize that it hasn't hurt his wallet. But I fear that actions like this will only increase the tension and lead to a tragic, violent conclusion.
"In an attempt to stave off just that type of action, media whores Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson have offered their services as mediators in this rapidly escalating feud, hoping to bring a peaceful end to this epic confrontation. In other news, how do I still have a job? And can anyone get me some cheap botox? Kurt Loder, signing off, for MTV News."

ABC News With Peter Jennings
The worst fears of Hip Hop Nation have been confirmed: We have reports out of Las Vegas that Suge Knight, head of Tha Row Records and cheif supporter of rapper B-Alpz in his bitter battle with sexy rhymestress Skills Shved, has been shot and killed. Knight was on his way to a party after leaving a fight at Las Vegas' Caesars Palace, when a car pulled up alongside and opened fire, hitting Knight, who was in the passenger seat at the time, several times. Knight was rushed to the UNLV Medical Center, where he was pronounced dead on arrival. Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson have expressed dismay about the killing, as they were hoping to bring a peaceful solution. Both expressed a desire to see the killing end here. However, rapper P Dizzle, when reached for comment, had a different take.
P Dizzle: "Yo, what up, it's your boy Sean, a/k/a/ Puffy, a/k/a/ P. Diddy, a/k/a/ Diddle My Wang, a/k/a/ P Dizzle, and I'd just like to say, while it's always sad when a black man dies at the hand of another black man, let's be real. This nigga here, Suge Knight, killed Tupac! The man was a legend, and this nigga killed him, for reals! This nigga is the reason my man Biggie ain't here! Fuck that, I'd spit on his grave!"
Rapper P Dizzle, showing absolutely no respect for the dead. We can only hope that this is the last tragedy that befalls the Hip Hop Nation, and that cooler heads will prevail.

For Immediate Release, Bad Boy Records
P. Dizzle, head of Bad Boy Records, is pleased to announce that he has done what no one else in the Hip Hop Community could do, what even Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson couldn't do, and put an end to the beef between Bad Boy artist Skillz Shved and former Tha Row artist B-Alpz and his crew the Majah Economicz Playaz.
"Ya know, with Suge's untimely passing, I just realized that the man was crazy. I mean, truly fucking crazy. He was gonna get me shot over what, some fucking economics bullshit? That's just stupid y'all. For reals, I'd rather chill in the crib, throw some shade at my girl Maya here, make good music, and stack my money. I'm happy to be out of a bad situation and into a much better one, for realz" B-Alpz announced.
Skillz Shved also expressed pleasure with the deal. "I just realized that Ben's a good kid, and we got caught up in some drama that we shouldn't have. I mean, this shit started on a blog, on Mental Sword Fighting, and we forgot the "mental" part. It wasn't supposed to be no beef, it was supposed to be all love. But we almost took it to the streets and got out the samurai swords, and that shit's not cool. I'm happy we could bring B-Alpz and the Majah Economicz Playaz over to Bad Boy, it's gonna be fun."
P Dizzle is pleased to announce that B-Alpz and Skillz Shved will be hitting the studio within the next week to record a historic collaboration album, Cookin' Up Major Money, which is sure to be a hot seller. Songs will include "Money (We Both Got It, So Let's Fuck)," "Who's Cooking Tonight? (Fuck It, Let's Get Take Out)," "That Smile Ain't Suggestive Anymo'," "Mel Kiper, Jr. Ain't Got Shit On Me (The NFL Draft Wizard)," among others.
"Watch out for Cookin' Up Major Money, that's gonna be a banger, ya heard? Bad Boy Records, takin' over in the '06, bitches! As we proceed to give you what you need, Bad Boy muthafucka!" P. Dizzle happily declared.

P.S. I'm still interested in any and all opinions on the NFL Draft paper, be it from Maya, Ben, anonymous J, or anyone else that would like to chime in. I'm curious to see what you guys come up with. And, if anyone's curious, I'm still gonna be spending the draft the way I always planned: getting drunk, waiting for the Vikins to screw up like they do every year, and making fun of Mel Kiper Jr.'s immaculately coiffed hair.

Announcement/Apology

Late last night, I was planning on writing a post of some sort when I returned from picking up a friend at the airport. However, upon returning to my house, I quickly determined that half the kitchen floor was covered in water, flooded from a clogged faucet. Needless to say, the next hour and a half was spent cleaning up this aquatic wonderland formerly known as the kitchen, only to discover that a large portion of the basement was also filled with water.

Why is this a big deal to you, the gentle reader? Well, you see, the connection for my home wireless network, among other things, is downstairs. And some of the computer stuff got wet, forcing the unplugging of said equipment in order to dry it out. The network may even have to be reinstalled; thus, I will be without home internet access for at least a short while. Thus, posting on this blog will be difficult.

So, if I post sporadically for the next week or so, you'll know why. The cynical among you may be saying to yourself "Dan's gonna go a week without posting-- isn't that what happens anyway?" And to that I say, Hush! What I plan to do is type things up in Word on my laptop at home, and then save them and post them in the mornings when I get to work. Hoepfully, that will suffice for the time being, until everything gets sorted out and my basement stops resembling a mild swamp (or perhaps a brackish pool of oil, but that image could just be in my mind due to the fact that I just began to read The Prize, by Daniel Yergin).

Just wanted to let you know.

-- One quick thing, though: With the NFL draft only six days away, I thought this was rather appropriate. It is an economic analysis of the NFL draft and the value of the picks and what not, written by two scholars from the business schools of Duke and University of Chicago. When I first heard about/found this paper, I thought that it was the perfect thing to blog about, combining my love of sports with academia. I figured that I'd read the article and then write a large comment on it.

Then, I read the paper and remembered one thing: The only economics I ever took in college was Economics 101. The reason I never explored economics further was because I got a C+ in said Economics 101 (of course, a large portion of the blame there could be laid at the feet of my professor, who was an Argentinian man who barely spoke English and refused to follow the path of my $95 textbook, making that a useless purchase as well as nigh-impossible to study for tests unless you somehow were able to make sense of the chickenscratch on the board, but I digress).
The reason I remembered this was because, well.... I didn't really have a clue what these two professors were driving at in this paper. Oh sure, I understood some general points, and I think I understood their basic premise... but they lost me with all the tables and graphs and economic jargon. So yeah, that being the case, it's obviously extremely hard for me to write an intelligent critique of this paper and whether the ivory-towered academic analysis jives with the blood and guts business of quarterbacks and linebackers.

So, I leave it here for you to peruse if you're interested (I know at least one person who's gonna take a gander at it). Perhaps if any of you read it, you could explain it to me?

UPDATE 11:00 AM: Thanks to J pointing out that the link was not working (for some reason when I type the URL into my browser, it works fine, but when I hit the hyperlink, it does not--weird) on the NFL draft thing. However, you can download the paper from this site here. Hopefully, that will work. Lemme know of any problems.

Real Quick

Ok, just a few quick things...

-- Maybe I only find jokes about Orel Hershiser funny, but this is fucking hiliarious.
Part of the reason I find this funny is that in 1988, Orel Hershiser set the record for consecutive scoreless innings, with 55. 1988 was also the year that Orel Hershiser and the Dodgers defeat my beloved Mets in 7 games in the National League Championship Series. I was seven, the first year of my baseball fan life. I was crushed.
And you know what? If Bob Ojeda hadn't cut off his fucking finger gardening... well, everything might have been different. How the Hell you manage to cut off the tip of your finger when youre heading to the playoffs, I don't really know. Shit, you play ball, aren't you rich enough to have someone paid to do your gardening!? Then again, without Bob Ojeda's idiocy, we don't have Kirk Gibson's homerun, which might be number one on my list of memorable plays occuring in my lifetime.

-- Yankee fans will love this: Don Mattingly, not a Hall of Famer, but definitely a vindictive asshole.

Shout out to Christie for originally tipping me off to these links. They're funny even if you don't know anything about baseball, but they're particularly amusing if you are familiar with Hershiser and Mattingly.

-- And oh yeah, I want a confession:Who hooked Aaron Heilman up to the juvenation machine and forgot to tell me?

IPM Mix #1: Music For Our Fearless Leader

Ok, so I know I've gone a few days without posting, and I apologize. However, it is not for the reason that you may think, namely a debaucherous birthday celebration and the hungover haze that would accompany such activities. Rather, it's more like a METS WINNING STREAK HAZE! (Translation: I went to see the Mets play on Monday afternoon and Wednesday night, both games they won. Combined with last night's victory, they are riding a four game winning streak and find themselves with the same exact record as the hated Yankees, this after starting the season a pitiful 0-5.)

Now that we got that out of the way, and I have apologized for keeping my faithful readers (all six of you) in the lurch for a few days, it is time to get on with the task at hand: Namely, the creation of a mixtape for our President, George W. Bush.

Wait, wha....?

Let me explain. A month or so ago, I joined something which is called the International Mixtape Project. Basically, it is a pyramid scheme for mixtapes, in which you are assigned a random person to mail a mix to, and at some point you get a mix mailed to you from some other completely random person. Now, as I've explained my compulsion towards mixtapes before, this seemed like the perfect vehicle to try out various themed mixes I've been dying to create in my head, as well as subject random strangers to my taste in music (Part of the reason why I like mixtapes is because, well... basically, I'm a music snob, and when I pass someone a CD full of dope tracks that they've probably never heard, it makes me look "hip" and thus proves my inherent coolness. No discussion of the psychological motivations behind my desire to prove my worthiness through my record collection, thank you very much).

Which brings us up to now, in which I was "assigned" to make a slammin' little CD for a fine gentleman from Sandy Eggo, Kalifornia. Now, being that this particular gentleman happens to reside on the Left Coast, I figured it would be the perfect time to create a CD I've been dying to put on blast-- namely, a mix full of NY hip hop MCs shouting out and representing the best goddamn state in the Union, New York. What better way to show pride in where you're from, to "represent"? Do I know if dude likes hip hop, or cares about New York? Certainly not. Do I care? Hell no!

But then, inspiration struck, forcing me to push back the planned NY mix a month. The inspiration came here, from one of my favorite bloggers, Jane from Firedoglake. Riffing on a recent New York Times article about what is on President Bush's iPod, Jane asked "So, what would you like to say to George via his iPod?" Immediately, I fired off a comment listing a handful of songs that came to my mind (all of which are on my iPod), and voila! My first IPM mix, merging two seemingly disparate interests into one! So, without further ado, I bring to you:
(BTW, if you have any interest in joining the International Mixtape Project, hit my man Ryan off with an email at International.Mixtape.Project@gmail.com and send him your name and mailing address.)

International Mixtape Project Mix #1: Music To Fill George W. Bush's Head (Because Something Has to Take Up The Empty Space)

1. Public Enemy - Welcome To The Terror Dome
Every good mixtape needs to start with a bang, and this is doubly so when composing a tape for the Dubs. What better way to capture his attention and display my anger than the black rage of Chuck D and the mind-bending production of the Bomb Squad, from the seminal album Fear of a Black Planet? The song is fifteen years old, yet it still resonates. By far, my favorite Public Enemy song ever (I even titled my second-ever post on this here blog Welcome To The Terror Dome, in homage).
An aside: Remember when Chuck D used to call Public Enemy "the black CNN"? I don't think that's something he'd aspire to today... and who's "the black Fox News"? 50 Cent?
2. Thurday - War All The Time
Lyrically, this song talks about the "war" of growing up in today's society, rather than actual bombs and guns, but I'm sure G-Dubs would appreciate the title, since he seems bound and determined to involve this fair nation in a state of war, all the time. The subtle, rolling guitars are beautiful, and lyrically, Geoff paints a rather frightening picture of modern day America: "We grew up too fast, falling apart like the ashes of American flags. The sun doesn't rise, replaced it with an H-Bomb explosion, a painted jail cell of blood in the sky like Three Mile Island. Nightmares on TV, they used to sign us to sleep, they burn on and on like an oil field, or a memory of what it felt like to burn on and on and not fade away." Just a powerful, emotion-filled song-- my favorite cut from my favorite album of 2003.
3. Ministry - NWO (New World Order)
C'mon, you know that if anything, Dubya would get a kick out of the sampled voice of his ideological idol, Ronald Reagan. He probably wouldn't pay attention to the rest of the song, and the pounding industrial rhythms would probably hurt his ears, but he'd at least dig the Gipper.
4. Interpol - Evil
Because, quite frankly, George W. Bush is evil.
5. The Killers - Everything Will Be Alright
This song, much like Bush's presidency, is a rambling, over blown, largely incoherent mess. When 2008 arrives, I pray that everything will be alright (although I don't have much hope).
6. Metallica - One
Here, we once again return to the war theme, because it seems to be what gets Dubya all hot and bothered. This song, inspired by Dalton Trumbo's fantastic novel Johnny Got His Gun, illustrates in vivid detail shows the horrific consequences of modern war. I doubt that the image of an armless, legless, deaf mute WW I land mind victim would make much of an impact on our Fearless Leader, but at least he could rock out to the explosive drums and fierce guitars and maybe flash back to his days as a coke snorting, booze guzzling jerk off frat boy.
7. Monster Magnet - Negasonic Teenage Warhead
"Me and myself killed a world today. Me and myself got a world to save." No further explanation necessary.
8. Muse - Sing for Absolution
If things keep going the way they're going, we're all going to be on our knees, singing for absolution.
9. Radiohead - Electioneering
"I will stop, I will stop at nothing. Say the right things when electioneering, I trust I can rely on your vote. When I go forwards, you go backwards and somewhere we will meet.When I go forwards you go backwards and somewhere we will meet. Ha ha ha. Riot shields, voodoo economics,it's just business, cattle prods and the I.M.F. I trust I can rely on your vote."
Yeah, I think G-Dubs understands this one real well. Can't you see him pushing up the knob on the Oval Office stereo and telling Rovey baby to get in their and rock out with him?
10. Creedence Clearwater Revival - Bad Moon Rising
The boys at one of my new favrite blogs, The Decadent West noted puzzlement with G-Dub's affinity for John Fogerty. The obvious choice here would be to go with "Fortunate Son," yet I refuse to be that obvious. Besides, I think that this song is more appropriate. Let's be honest, if you don't think there's a bad moon rising over America, you've lost your fucking mind. My favorite CCR tune, to boot.
11. Z-Trip featuring Chuck D - Shock And Awe
Twenty years in the game, Chuck D still ain't calmed down, and this track finds him in perfect form. Z-Trip gives him the pulpit, in the form of a righteously bombastic beat, from which to let loose verbal automatic fire over all kinds of things. Chuck D can sometimes become a caricature of himself, but when he's on, he's fucking on. Modern hip hop needs more songs like this, less "Candy Shop."You know when Dubs throws this on, he just has to cue up the video highlights of thje "Shock And Awe" campaign and just rock out. Which brings us to...
12. System of a Down - B.Y.O.B. (Bring Your Own Bombs)
When singer Serj harmonizes "Everybody's goin' to the party, have a real good time, dancin' in the desert, blowing up the sunshine" over the chorus, you know Dubs is feelin' him. That whole bit about "Why don't Presidents fight the war? Why do they always send the poor?" Probably not so much. Probably the only song to ever cast the Iraq war as one giant party in the desert (tongue firmly planted in cheek).

So there it is. Think I should send a copy to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue?
And if you never read another post from me, you know the Secret Service got me and I'm probably rotting away in Guantanamo Bay. Constitution? What Constitution? We don't need no stinkin' Constitution!

Other Odds and Sods

Since it's been a week or so since I've posted anything of note (I apologize once again, I'm trying to get more reliable, and I've got some good shit coming soon-- at least I think it's good), I thought I'd hit you off with some links and what not to help you pass the time between the feverish refreshing of this page (Maya, I'm looking at you).


-- This picture is so gangsta. I love cats. [link via Poplicks]

-- Chuck Palahniuk, author of Fight Club and other novels, has an interesting little essay,
here. Like most of Palahniuk's work, it's a little bizarre and off-center, but I found it thought provoking. Discuss.

-- If you're thinking about moving (as I hope to sooner rather than later), than this little utility, merging Google maps and Craiglist, will be invaluable to you. Anyone else think that Google is rapidly taking over the world? [link originally found through All Things Christie.]

-- My idol, the Sports Guy, shouted out where I live here (scroll down to the second to last paragraph). Technically, I don't live in Port Chester, but considering that if you put it Port Chester as my mailing address, I receive the mail, I'm claiming it for these purposes. This will be the first and only time that I claim to be from Port Chester (not that Rye Brook is that much better, but still...). And no, I don't know where this Sam's bar is. But believe me, if it still exists, I will before the weekend is out! (An aside: When the Hell was the Sports Guy, a Boston native who went to Holy Cross, doing playing bar shuffleboard in Port Chester, on what appears to be several occasions, no less? A better question: Why do I care?)

-- I heartily recommend that everyone, but especially my female readers (because it is geared more towards them) figure out Which Desperate Housewife Are You? I took it, and it told me that I am Lynette, the extremely stressed, sometimes overly medicated homemaker. I don't know exactly what this indicates, as I've only seen the show a few scattered times, but... I'm a little worried.

-- If you like hip hop, you've got to check out this site. It's hiliarious.

-- Pitchfork says that my new favorite band, Bloc Party, have scheduled more US tour dates. Who wants to go to Webster Hall on June 14/15 to see them with me!?!

That's all for now. Holla at the kid!

24

Ok, so I've got a lot of stuff I want to/can talk about today. I definitely want to talk about Pedro's gem yesterday and the Mets for a minute (I feel I can finally talk about them again, now that they're not gonna go 0-162 for the season, but I'm going to wait until after today's home opener, in which I will be in attendance). I want to comment on the Yankees game I went to yesterday (GOD BLESS LIVE BASBEALL! God bless the Yankees losing!), and I want to put up some more music reviews, and some other shit.

But right now, that's not that important. Because...

Today, I turn 24.

Wow. I'm fucking old...

So, as mentioned earlier, I will be spending the afternoon at Shea Stadium, and then hopefully going out somewhere with some friends to celebrate. So, don't expect much in the way of blogging today-- check back in tomorrow, I should have some more shit for that ass. But leave me a comment/birthday wish, if you please!

Slug and Murs: Closet Indie Rock Fans!?

Lookee what I found in my inbox yesterday:

SLUG AND MURS LAUNCH ROCK LABEL IMPRINT, WOMEN RECORDS, THROUGH RHYMESAYERS. VOX VERMILLION ALBUM SLATED AS DEBUT RELEASE, OPENING ATMOSPHERE DATES.

It's an unlikely scenario, to say the least. Two stalwarts of underground hip-hop launching a rock imprint through one of America's most respected hip hop labels. Women Records, the brainchild of Slug (Atmosphere) and Murs, was founded as an outlet to release music of the bands that they were discovering in their hometowns (Minneapolis and LA, respectively) and while on tour."Murs and I started Women due to the fact that we had become friends with so many bands that we liked, who needed to get their music heard. Rather than continue to just loan money to these kids to self release their albums, we decided to use our experience to help create a vehicle for them," explains Slug. Women quickly inked an imprint deal with Rhymesayers Entertainment, building on Atmosphere's long-time relationship with the label, as well as shared vision and staunchly independent ethos.

Vox Vermillion's debut album, Standing Still You Move Forward, is set as the inaugural full length release* for Women/RSE, May 19th. The St. Paul, MN based co-ed quartet's sound is distinctive: while a two-keyboards, bass, drums sounds like an easy recipe for a dance punk or nu new wave ensemble, Vox Vermillion stay off the dance floor. The band's sound subscribes to a warm indie-pop classicism, their piano-propelled punch reminiscent at times of both Denali and Spoon. Frontwoman Kelly Crawford's vocals are dynamic - veering from lush and dramatic to terse and restrained.

That's dope. I do think it's a little odd that two indie hip hoppers are suddenly starting an indie rock label, but hey, what do I care? I'm a real big fan of Atmosphere (more God Loves Ugly than Se7en's Travels, and don't even try to slap me with that "emo-rap" tag. I much prefer when Slug simply rips it, like "Onemosphere," "Twomosphere," "Threemosphere," "Bass and the Movement," and others. To me, Slug is so much better when he's eviscerating the competition in battle rap mode over a hard hitting Ant beat than when he's whining about his ex-girlfriend. It's why I don't much care for Lucy Ford, for example.) Murs' Murs 3:16: The 9th Edition was a quality album, with 9th Wonder on the boards. And Hell, you can't really front on the collabo between Slug and Murs, Felt: A Tribute to Christina Ricci (Giving props to Christina Ricci is always cool in my book).

With Thursday's Geoff Rickly's Astromagnetics label starting to drop product in the coming weeks, it looks like I'm gonna have a couple boutique labels run by artists that I appreciate to keep an eye on in the coming weeks.

But yo, I thought that Slug/Atmosphere started Rhymesayers? He's always dropping things like "Rhymesayers for life!" on his tracks... then again, how many artists shout out their labels only to get dropped like a year later? Regardless, I still want one of those black Rhymesayers windbreakers-- that shit is dope.

And I'm real curious to hear what Vox Vermillion and Standing Still You Move Forward sounds like. I might see if I can cop a promo copy...

Bloc Party Rock The Bloc(k)

Note: This post was supposed to go up last night, when I wrote it, but Blogger.com was on the fritz and I couldn't post it last night, hence the date stamp of Thursday mid-evening.

Ok, as I think I've now stated twice on this lil' ol' blog, Bloc Party's Silent Alarm is my favorite album to drop so far in the Year of the Nickel (like that?). Now, let me tell you why...

I am usually really flighty when it comes to my music. I'll find an album I like, play the shit out of it for a week or two, then I get bored with it and don't play it very much (Game's The Documentary is a good example-- I think it's an excellent album, probably the best hip hop album I've heard so far this year, but it doesn't get nearly the same amount of burn it used to round my way). It sinks into my brain, I know I dig it, and then I discard it for whatever new thing I've found, to come back to it on occasion. Rarely do I find myself rocking albums for more than a month (the last album I really lived with, before Silent Alarm, was Interpol's Antics).

Part of the reason why Silent Alarm has had staying power for me is that it is one of those rare albums where I constantly find a new "favorite" song on the album every three or four days. Usually, I find an album-- even a really good/great album-- and find two or three tracks that stand out to me, which I play several times until I get sick of them. It's not that the other songs are bad, it's just that they don't hit me as hard. However, there are a handful of albums where I'll start out really really liking a few songs, and then just as I'm getting bored of them, I'll discover a new song or two, get bored, then find another song. These are the albums that I define as classics in my book-- the ones that grow on you, where every song at one time or another has made you stand up and go "Hot damn!"

For me, I discoverd Bloc Party through the song "So Here We Are," oddly enough by hearing it on the radio (only time I've ever heard any Bloc Party on the radio round here, by the way). The lush guitar intro and soft spoken melody hooked me, and I was struck with one thought: This would is a perfect mixtape song (I'm compulsive about making mixes. Even when I haven't made one in months, I'm always looking for songs that'll fit on some upcoming mix, which is a nice segue into a post I have planned for the next few days). I had to go and download the album.

From there, it was fuckin' on. "So Here We Are" lead me to "Banquet," which lead me to "Positive Tension," which gave way to the album closers "Plans" and "Compliments," which soon lead me to "This Modern Love." Soon after, I realized that just about every damn song on the album would sound good on a mixtape. Seriously, you could probably pimp 6-8 singles off of this album-- there's a reason why every hipster you know, if they aren't busy sweating M.I.A. (who's dope), is creaming for Bloc Party like they're Turn On The Bright Lights-era Interpol (Am I the only one who thinks Antics beats the pants off Bright Lights, by the way?)

Silent Alarm is an album made by four gifted musicians, four musicians who are so completely in synch with each other. It's as if, simply on instinct, each band member is aware of the limitations and abilities of the other and tailors the song writing to support each member. It's as if all four guys are excellent NBA point guards, each looking for their own shot, but more interested in getting the ball to the teammate flashing out to the wing, knowing exactly where he wants it and hitting him for a wide open three. Rarely do you see bands with such singular purpose, such knowledge of self and fluidity within each and every song.

The band has an amazing ability to provide different moods and flavors throughout the album. Thus, depending on your mood at any given time, you can find a song to fit it. If you're feeling the need to pump your fist and stomp your feet, the hard charging "Banquet" is your jam, complete with subtly subdued growls and vocalist Kele Okereke's chanting of "You know I'm on fire, so stomp me out!" Or, you can go with "Positive Tension," which starts out slow and moody before exploding into guitar pyrotechnics in the last minute and a half.

Or, if you're not quite ready to totally rock, you can turn to the rolling grooves of "This Modern Love," which feature gorgeous melodies and Okereke's plaintive queery "Do you wanna come over and kill some time?" The song builds slowly, starting with soft guitar strumming and tentative drumming before progressing into rolling bass and building to Kele's conclusion that "This modern love wastes me, this modern love breaks me..." "Plans" is along the same vein, starting out slow before building to its triumphant peak.

However, if you're in a more contemplative and chill mood, Bloc Party have your back there too. For that, you must turn to "Compliments," which perfectly ends the album. This song is particularly good for the late night drive home after an evening of fun, as the band create a somber, haunting mood. This is one of those songs that, if heard at the wrong time, seems like nothing special, yet heard at the right time can be positively magical. There has been many a night when I, driving home from a friends house with the daunting task of another day of work staring me in the face only hours away, have thrown "Compliments" into the old CD player and just let my mind slide away for five minutes. It is truly an exquisitve pop song.

And that, really, is the genius of Bloc Party. Every song on the album is so damn catchy, the melodies clawing their way into your brain, yet it is done with intelligence rather than crass cheesiness. It is meticulously crafted pop goodness, an album too bold, too beautiful, too perfect to be ignored. If you emotionally invest yourself in this album, it pays a world of dividends. It rocks, it rolls, it dances, it shakes, it slows down and it speeds up, never losing sight of the groove, never taking the listener for granted.

Silent Alarm has basically been the soundtrack of my life for the past three months, and I still haven't gotten tired of it. I'm still constantly throwing Silent Alarm back in the old car CD player or cranking it on the iPod as I slide out of work, still discovering new little quirks and bits that dazzle me, still finding new "favorite songs on the album." Nothing I've heard so far in '05 (The Year of the Nickel!) has come close to touching me, to capturing me, the way Silent Alarm has. There's alot of mixtapes to be made in the near future with Bloc Party on blast!

(Also, if you like Silent Alarm, you should grab a copy of the Bloc Party EP, which collects the first few pre-Silent Alarm singles in one nice, easily digestible package. It contains an early version of "Banquet," as well as the brilliantly catchy "Staying Fat." In addition, there are several exquisite remixes floating around by the likes of M83 (Before The Dawn Heals Us also gets high marks from me in the Year of the Nickel) and Four-Tet, among others. In addition, Kele sings vocals on "Believe" on Push The Button, the somewhat underwhelming new Chemical Brothers album.Supposedly, the boys are already back in the studio, writing their next record, which is supposed to be "more lush" than this one. And oh yeah they're apparently pretty damn good live, too.)

Maynard Update

FINAL MAYNARD UPDATE: Once again, this from MTV News: It is indeed a hoax.

"I was actually quite surprised people bought it. Especially considering most of the subject matter of my work. 'Judith,' for example. I guess when I said 'fuck your god,' I didn't mean the actual God. Just the god of sheep who lack a sense of humor."

I guess I'm one of those "sheep who lack a sense of humor." Because it was so fucking hiliarous. That Maynard-- one funny motherfucker. Now, stop trying to play dumb ass April Fools pranks and put out the new Tool album, ok?
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This from MTV News:

You'll recall that on Tuesday, in the course of looking into Internet rumors
that Tool frontman Maynard James Keenan had found Jesus and was leaving the
band, we e-mailed Keenan and put the question to him directly. His response was:
"i did, in fact, find jesus. More news to follow. God bless ya."

After contemplating this communication, with its
lowercase "j" for "Jesus" and its oddly breezy "God bless ya," we began to
wonder: Was MJK pulling our leg, yanking our chain — in a word, lying to us? We
e-mailed him again and asked flat-out. His response this time: "heh heh."

Jesus.

— Kurt Loder

So, I guess that's as close as Maynard's going to get to issuing a confirmation of the fact that this is a hoax. As it is, I'm inclined to go with Christie on this one.
I've obviously spent way too much time thinking/dealing with this issue. Fuck you Maynard. Give me the new Tool album, like now.

(ALSO: On more actual music related matters, most of the long-promised Bloc Party review is written... at least in my mind, if not on actual paper. I know that most of the blogosphere has already covered this band ad nauseum and it's really nothing new, especially since Silent Alarm leaked ridiculously early-- I downloaded it in mid-January, and I know mad heads had it even before I was up on it-- but I still wanna write something about it. Partially 'cuz I've been promising it for a week now, but mostly because it's a damn good CD and probably the favorite CD I've heard in 2005 so far.

In addition, I am also trying to get a hold of the new Tony Yayo mixtape so I can peep what my favorite G-Unit member's got coming (have high hopes for the full length comin' in June-- don't be waterd down like Banks' Hunger For More, or wack like The Massacre Yayo! Just follow what Young Buck did on Straight Outta Cashville, but keep it NYC grimy, on that crime rap shit you do so well. "Live By The Gun" is a good start, just stick to that hardcore shit and rip it like a mixtape, you'll be all good. If I hear tracks where you're tryin' to romance girls or pop bottles in the club... well, that's no bueno-- You're named Tony fuckin' Yayo for Christ sake!). When and if heads on Soulseek cooperate and let me cop that, I'll run that down along with a few other tracks that I've been feelin'. Just to let all three of my regular readers know what's comin' down the pipe).

P.S. God bless blogging at work...

Maynard Finds Jesus!?!

Ok, so this isn't exactly the music post I was planning on writing today, but I just had to post about this: Supposedly, Maynard James Keenan, frontman of Tool/ A Perfect Circle, has apparently found Jesus and Tool "will have to take a back seat."

You can read about it here.

Now, as the article states, it hasn't exactly been confirmed, and it may be an elaborate April Fool's Day prank that has run a little long. But...

WHAT THE FUCK?

Even though I am not religious, I do not begrudge people their religious beliefs, as long as they do not try to hoist them upon me or tell me that I'm going to Hell. I certainly do not begrudge a formerly unreligious person suddenly finding religion, for whatever reasons. But this is just bizarre.

Forget for a second that Tool is one of my favorite bands and I'm gonna be pissed if I can't hear anything more from them. Think about who Maynard James Keenan is (or at least what he's given to the public via song, since he's a pretty private guy once the show is over). I mean, this is the man that wrote "Prison Sex," right? The guy that wrote "Judith," or "Opiate," correct? I mean, I used to joke that The 13th Step was the first Maynard-related prokect that didn't contain at least one song with fairly overt anti-Christian/anti-organized religious themes. Everything lead you to believe that there was an extremely deep seated anger and resentment towards organized religion, on more than a strictly intelectual level, that never would have led Maynard to even consider religion as a source of anything but meaningless dogma and suffocating rhetoric.

That's why it's so bizarre, so out of left field. I mean, I guess that guy from Korn, Head, proclaiming himself to be born again was fairly unexpected too. You don't really think of Korn as a band that really believes in God too much either. But really, does anyone care about Korn anymore? And any credibility Head might have had quickly dissipated when he came out with his "attempt" to save 50 Cent (Note to Maynard: Don't do that. If this really is true, don't get all preachy. You weren't like that before, please don't get like that now. Of course, according to the MTV News report, Head called Maynard's announcement a "beautiful, beautiful outpouring of the Holy Spirit." Whatever). And more importantly, there was no backstory with Head, no reason to believe that he was vociferously against religion, no reason to consider that it the last possible place for him to go, as is the case with Maynard. That's why this news is a little bit weirder. Certainly unexpected.

I don't know, that's just not the kind of news I was expecting to find on the Internet at 12:20 in the morning...

Yankee Fans: They Still Suck

In the first of what will most likely be a long running theme of this blog (because it's just so damn easy), I am going to point out why my hatred of Yankee fans is justified. For example, this would be one of my Yankee fan friends away messages today:

"April 3, 2005 Opening Day at Yankee Stadium will be a day in New York sports that will be remembered FOREVER!"

Uhm, no.

Now, don't get me wrong, as my previous post points out all too well, I'm excited as all Hell by the fact that baseball is here again (and we'll get to the Mets in a moment). But c'mon, what was so memorable about last night? That Randy Johnson pitched well? Shocker! That the Yankees finally stopped the Red Sox Stadium winning streak (at 2, if you were counting)? It's not like the Yankees did anything special last night or made a statement of any sort. They just won a ballgame. As they undoubtedly will continue to do throughout the summer and on into the fall. They should win many games. In fact, by the end of April, if not sooner, most will have forgotten Opening Day (as well they should).

But its statements like that that just prove why I hate Yankee fans. It's the smugness, the know it all attitude, the belief that anything and everything touched by the Bronx Bombers is a gift from the Heavens. It's how, in their twisted little minds, one largely insignificant game turns into "a day in New York sports history that will live FOREVER!" They won a game-- and yes, it was against the Red Sox, and everyone likes to get off on the right foot and all-- but really, big damn deal. It wasn't even that memorable of a game, hardly any drama involved at all. Just one of 162, folks, just one of 162...

I much prefer my friend Rosie's take on it:

"yankee fans are all the same. yes we're all glad you're 1-0 in a 162 game season triumphing against an old drunk fat ass, but how many of those would you have traded for game 4 back? and even though the mets bullpen can't back up 12 k's from pedro, we look forward to seeing you in queens in 7 weeks...come on out and meet the mets, bitches"

Ahhh yes, my Mets...

Where to begin? I wish that I could have been following all the action from my couch with a bag of chips and a beer, rather than at my desk at work feverishly refreshing ESPN.com... but these are the crosses we all must bear. I haven't even seen any of the highlights left, but these are my initial thoughts on this game and the season to come:

- Can't hate on Beltran. It's always nice when your high priced superstar goes 3-4 with a HR, 3 RBI's, missing only a triple for the cycle on his first game out the box. Way to eliminate any fear of starting off slow, my man-- you're making my $250 investment in your jersey look like money well spent, pal!

- Pedro. Wow. Gets through the first inning and the HR to Dunn, and then turns into Pedro of old. Hitless for the next five innings, 9 K's through 4 innings, 12 through 5? Daaaaamn son... looks like Minaya knows what he's doing and all those preseason prognosticators might have been right to pick you for NL Cy Young. Keep dealing like that, buddy, and it's gonna be a fun summer.

- Cliff Floyd. A dinger! Hey now, maybe you can stay healthy, and we'll have a real lineup!

- David Wright hitting 8th. I don't like it. I know it probably won't last, but that's just idiotic. This is a guy who hit 14 homeruns in only 263 AB's at age 21. Everything we saw last year, and his minor league track record indicate that he can handle the major leagues, yet Randolph buries him in front of the pitcher, where he's never going to see anything good to hit. C'mon-- Wright and Reyes are the best young talents we have, put them in a position to excel (gotta love Reyes' 3-5 today-- gotta stay healthy kid!) ! There's no reason why Wright should be hitting behind Cameron or Mientkiewicz. Hit him 5th or 6th, Willie.

- The bullpen. Well, we know it was gonna suck, but did it have to start today? And did it have to be the one guy that Mets fans had some kind of faith in? I mean jeez, when you look at our pen, at least you say "Well, we got Looper, he's good." So what happens? Comes in and turns a 6-4 game into a 7-6 loss. As soon as Dunn's homerun left the yard and tied the game (thus taking a W away from Pedro), I imagine Tom Glavine ambled up to Pedro, patted him on the shoulder, and said "Welcome to the Mets, Petey." Please do something about this, Omar Minaya, and fast. And no, Dennys Baez is not the answer.

Goddamn, it's gonna be a long year... can't wait for next Monday at Shea!

(I swear, not every post is going to be about baseball. Stick with me, I promise. Long promised Bloc Party review will hopefully be up either tonight or tomorrow, depending on whether I read or watch baseball before the UNC-Illinois game or actually sit down and write this thing. It, and many other CD reviews, are coming, I swear!)

AWWW SHIT!!

"This is war. And every line is about who I don't want to write about anymore."
- Brand New

Warning: From now on until, oh, mid to late October, this blog may get really, really baseball heavy at times. As I type this, it is the bottom of the 8th inning, and the Yankees are winning 9-1. Johnson looked sharp, Wells did not, it's early, doesn't really mean anything-- but baseball is back. It's good to know that it's back, for real. And maybe it was just opening day and everyone was hyped, but it was a little more charged than just a normal regular season game (of course, with the Red Sox-Yankee rivalry the way it is, every game they play is probably going to fall somewhere between "a little more hype for this one" and "seventh game of the ALCS" on the intensity meter).

To all the people that tought the Red Sox finally winning a World Series would quiet down this rivalry: Uh-uh. If anything, the Red Sox taking the title last year has only pushed baseball's version of the Cold War ever closer to nuclear winter. The Sox winning a title has only pushed things to the limit more-- Yankee fans can't chant "1918," Red Sox fans can chant "Year 2000" if they want, the 2004 Sox victory has attempted to slightly balance out the ledger (notice I said slightly). It's almost as if the Yankees and their fans, who consider the World Series their birthright, conveniently forgot or refused to think about the Diamondbacks, Angels, and Marlins. However, the Yankees can't ignore the Sox, can't pretend it's nothing major (because in the Yankee universe it is), so now it's like "Fuckers, yo'uve taken our birthright, and we're getting it back. It's war now." This is the most riveting spectacle in sports right now, ahead of Michigan-Ohio State in football, Duke-UNC in basketball, or Kobe-Shaq in the NBA.

One thing I've said before, and I'll say it again: I can't imagine the kind of pressure that the Yankees are under every day from now until the end of October. Unfortunately, I had to watch the game on the YES Network rather than ESPN, but watching their atrocious coverage pointed out one thing that I found interesting: At the start of the game, a taped A-Rod came on and said something like "The journey to the 27th World Championship starts now." That is the Yankee mindset-- not that we're gonna compete, not that we're gonna be good, but that the World Series is ours. From now until October, it's war. Can you imagine the kind of pressure that is? I mean, the Yankees make no bones about it from the beginning: It's World Series or bust. No other team makes that kind of admission, no other team operates like that, and no other team aspires to such a level of coldbloodness. If anything, it's kind of refreshing, in a way, that the Yankee players make no bones about the fact that they are Steinbrenner's mercenaries sent to bring home the Grail. In no other city does that kind of thinking-- win the World Series or everything you guys have done for the past six months is a complete waste of time and several hundred million dollars-- pervail. It's not the kind of environment I'd want to play in, were I a professional ball player.

And that's got to come into play at some point. You think the Red Sox could have come back from that 3-0 hole in the ALCS if they had that mindset? Probably not. The whole genius of the 2004 Red Sox was that they weren't that mercenary, that even though they deserved to feel more pressure (from not winning the World Series in 86 years, from facing another humiliating, crushing loss to the Yankees), they didn't. Part of what allowed them to finally end the drought was that these guys were "idiots"-- loose guys who didn't let alot of external stuff affect them. Would the Yankees have been able to do what the Sox did? Probably not, and that's cuz of the mindset of the franchise and the clubhouse. Instead, in the Boston clubhouse, those guys were just like "Whatever, dogg. Roberts is gonna steal this base, Papi's gonna rope another one into the night, Schilling's gonna play Willis Reed, it's all good. " I just don't know if thats possible in the Yankee culture, where everyone it seems is waiting on bated breath every day for George Steinbrenner to explode and go off into one of his famous half cocked rants, firing everyone and preaching fire and brimstone.

Man, oh man, it's gonna be a good season. Hot shit, baseball is back!

And you know what? I don't care about the steroid scandal (Alex Sanchez, you're an idiot). I care about the fact that at 2 PM tomorrow, I'll be sitting at a desk at work, bored out of my mind, feverishly checking ESPN.com for score updates, rather than sitting in a seat at Shea or in front of the TV to watch the Mets open up in Cincinnati.

Note: this does not mean that Mental Sword Fighting will become strictly a baseball blog. You will still get my ramblings and weird thoughts (which I haven't really posted any of yet, but they're coming-- all three people who used to read my Collegian column at Kenyon should have an idea of what I'm talking about) as well as music and movie reviews, and other random shit. But if a major trade happens, or the Mets go on a prolonged losing streak, or the Yankees go on a prolonged winning streak and there fans get unbearably smug, you'll hear about it from me here.

Anywho, just wanted to quickly jot down my thoughts of joy about opening day (I'm trying to get better with this whole blogging/posting content thing, seriously), but I would like to give a special shout out to Christie at All Things Christie for being the first person to put me on their blogroll-- I appreciate it! That, along with Jane from firedoglake leaving me a comment on an earlier post (I swear to God, the Bloc Party review is coming, honest)-- it's good to know that people who have blogs that you enjoy reading are at least reading yours and maybe possibly care about your opinion. Good to know the message is getting out there and the gospil is being spread.

That's dope.

Sin City: Doing It Loud And Nasty

So yesterday, I saw Sin City, the movie that I have been waiting to see for at least a good month now. And let me tell you: It fucking rocked.

The most amazing thing about Sin City is that if you read the comic book, it is almost as if Robert Rodriguez and Frank Miller used it as a storyboard for the movie. Shots in the movie are literally recreated from panels of the comic, exactly as they drawn. It is truly amazing to see Frank Miller's vision so completely and authentically brought to life. Visually, the movie will stun you, as the darkness that pervades the film does a magnificent job of setting the tone and bringing you into the grimy, blackened heart of Sin City. The movie feels like a two hour guided tour of the worst place you've ever seen or heard about in your life, bringing you right to Hell's doorstep.

The cast is spectacular. Clive Owen, coming off King Arthur and Closer, is on the verge of becoming a huge actor, and his performance here does not disappoint. Elijah Wood, playing a deranged cannibal, goes a long way towards making you forget his Hobbit days. Jessica Alba and Rosario Dawson look incredible, and Devon Aoki is extremely smooth as the silent super assassin Miho (similar to the Gogo Yubari character in Kill Bill). And of course, Benicio Del Torro does not disappoint, giving another fine albeit brief performance. And that just scratches the surface-- Bruce Willis, Josh Hartnett, Brittany Murphy, Michael Madsen, Jamie King, Michael Clarke Duncan, Nick Stahl, and others routinely float in and out of the movie.

However, the real revelation of the movie is Mickey Rourke, playing the sick and undermedicated psycho with a heart of gold Marv. Perhaps it is of the makeup that makes him almost unrecognizable, but Rourke delivers a stunning performance. You catch yourself throughout the movie going "Is that really Mickey Rourke?" and then, as the movie progresses, you start to remember that he was a good actor once, and you start to think back to what a great movie 9 1/2 Weeks is. If he chooses more roles like this, Rourke's career comeback will be a success.

The violence in Sin City is often cartoonish and unrealistic, but that is the point-- the original comic was Miller's homage to the crime noir pulp novels of the 40's and 50's made popular by Raymond Chandler, Dashiel Hammett, and especially Mickey Spillane. The comics read like a Spillane Mike Hammer novel on steroids, and that is exactly what shows up on screen. It is interesting that Quention Tarantino, good friend of director Robert Rodriguez, was enlisted as special "guest director," for alot of the violence in Sin City is similiar to Kill Bill, in that it is so extreme and so over the top that you can't help but laugh. Directors Rodriguez and Miller do a fantastic job of weaving the plot lines from three of Miller's graphic novels together into one fairly cohesive story, giving you the whole spectrum of Sin City-- the girls of Old Town, the deranged spectacle of Cardinal Rourke and his crew, and quite simply, the violence and brutality that seeps through the whole place.

All in all, this review does not do Sin City justice. I recommend seeing it for yourself, as it is hard to truly capture the experience in words without having gone to see it yourself. All I know is that due to the hype I had placed on this movie by myself and by the press, I was worried that I would be disappointed. I needn't have worried-- Sin City is one damn enjoyable ride. It certainly challenges the X-Men and Spiderman franchises as the best comic book movies to be made in the last few years. I probably will wind up seeing this movie again, and I'm pretty sure it'll wind up in my DVD collection at some point. It's probably the best movie that I've seen so far this year (although that's not necessarily saying much, seeing as how I've probably only seen about 3 movies in the theaters this year). I heartily recommend it, both as a fan of the original comic and as a fan of original, entertaining cinema. You won't be disappointed.

UPDATE: I found this review by David Edelstein of Slate to be spot on. He articulates "the genius of Sin City" here: http://www.slate.com/id/2115999/